Bad feelings toward older sibling...anyone?

[ainh]

Ugh. I feel terrible saying this...but my 2.5 year old is driving me nuts. His behavior has been terrible and he's just bugging me. I want to just nest in with the new one for awhile, you know? But older brother keeps saying "don't hold the baby", "don't sleep with the baby", etc.

We have A LOT going on that is contributing. Dad had to leave cross country suddenly this weekend because his mom has decided to take herself off of life support and will probably die this week (bad, bad story). Grandparents have been here for the last five weeks (different ones at different times) and they have been spoiling him and we've lost our routine. And new baby, of course.

But I'm not feeling patient and I'm scared b/c he's aggressive towards the baby, which just makes me blow up w/o a second thought. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

[MeadowAndColtsMama]

Well, I don't know how you feel yet, but will in a few days when ds arrives! My 2.5 year old dd is SUPER clingy and has been being very difficult lately. Tantrums, demanding, etc. She's happy in theory about baby but we'll see. Jealously may rear it's ugly head. Also, my dad is staying with us for 3 weeks, which is great but just one more thing for the kids to deal with. I was reading another thread on MDC the other day, and one mom was saying how it seems like if she really, really makes sure her toddlers' (2) needs are met in the morning it makes a difference in their whole day. So I've been trying this with dd. Hard, of course, as I'm 9 months preg. and exhausted after sleeping like crap. Mornings are not the best, plus dd is up at night a lot of nights. Anyway it seems to be kind of helping. And I'm just planning to try to put baby in the sling or lay it down instead of sitting and oogling: the little love. And cuddle dd a little extra or do an activity with her, coloring, play-dough, you know simple stuff but still something to make sure she knows that I have time for her. I don't know if these ideas will help, hugs Mama! It'll get better!

[ruthmg]

Oh, I feel like I have lost my patience and feel like I never did AP style gentle discipline! It's like I've lost my ability to be gentle and kind. My 3.5 year old son is the worst in early morning and at bedtime. Other times he's great around his brother, giving him kisses and saying things like "I want to keep him!" I yell more than I have in his whole life.

I feel awful. THe lack of sleep isn't helping my demeanor either.

[mamajody]

I had a very hard time after the twins came. My older DD was just awful, and I had no reserves to deal with her. I used to cry when I looked at her. I just kept thinking, "how did you go from being the light of my life to this creature I hate?" I resented her, I disliked her behavior, and I just wanted her away from me. After 2 years of reflection, i know that I had very high expectations of her, and of myself. When we collectively didn't meet those expectations. I was blaming her. It sounds awful, but when you have a new baby there is a lot going on inside your mind and body that isn't very pretty. Certainly no 3 year old could deal with it. I couldn't. I joined a support group that had childcare provided. I found it very helpful to have a safe space to talk about my resentment and anger. The break from DD was nice as well.

This time around my parents have taken my kids to their house rather than my mom coming and helping over here. I miss them, but I need to get through the first few days with just baby or I will totally crack up. There is no shame in getting whatever help you need. We weren't meant to do this on our own.

[ainh]

oh, thank you so much mamas. i was feeling horrible about my feelings and it really helps to know that others have experienced this. it does feel so weird to go from adoring everything about my toddler and hanging on his every word to constant irritation at him.

it does suck that this new baby isn't getting the constant attention from me that i want to give him. he's been left for hours at a time with grandma already and plopped into the swing when i need to attend to ds1. meh.

[mystiquesmom]

Originally Posted by MeadowAndColtsMama

Well, I don't know how you feel yet, but will in a few days when ds arrives! My 2.5 year old dd is SUPER clingy and has been being very difficult lately. Tantrums, demanding, etc. She's happy in theory about baby but we'll see. Jealously may rear it's ugly head.

Change DD to DS and this pretty much sums up what is going on right now in my household.

[quietserena]

Yup, I'm there too. See my thread in Toddlers.

I've not been as GD as I'd like with DD1 lately...

[quietserena]

Originally Posted by ruthmg

Oh, I feel like I have lost my patience and feel like I never did AP style gentle discipline! It's like I've lost my ability to be gentle and kind. My 3.5 year old son is the worst in early morning and at bedtime. Other times he's great around his brother, giving him kisses and saying things like "I want to keep him!" I yell more than I have in his whole life.

I feel awful. THe lack of sleep isn't helping my demeanor either.

i could have written this

[quietserena]

Hey guys, I'm going to get some Bach Flower essences to help with all this. I asked in a thread here, in case you're interested.

[mustangtbn]

Oh I SO needed to see this post today! I've been feeling horrible because this is exactly how I'm feeling and the new baby isn't even here yet. Every day I wake up with the knowledge that it may be my last day with DD as my only child and I just want to have a wonderful day, but the next thing I know it's halfway through the day and I have no patience left. I'm so afraid it will just get worse after baby comes!

I'm sorry that others are feeling this way too, but relieved to know I'm not alone

[iowaorganic]

We are at this point too. Today I threatened to throw them out. After we all had a nap and a snack and a snuggle we were all in a lot better spirits though. But gahhhhh- how much trouble can 2 toddlers get into in 5 minutes? It blows my mind. Sleep is our biggest success here. If I can get them to bed before 9 it helps my sanity immensly.... that and a good nap for both of them in the afternoon.

I don't know what we were thinking adding a third little one to the mix. It might push me over the edge when he actually comes.

[quietserena]

Originally Posted by iowaorganic

We are at this point too. Today I threatened to throw them out. After we all had a nap and a snack and a snuggle we were all in a lot better spirits though. But gahhhhh- how much trouble can 2 toddlers get into in 5 minutes? It blows my mind. Sleep is our biggest success here. If I can get them to bed before 9 it helps my sanity immensly.... that and a good nap for both of them in the afternoon.

I don't know what we were thinking adding a third little one to the mix. It might push me over the edge when he actually comes.

That trouble thing, it's insane. Toddlers are evil geniuses!

[caiesmommy]

Im there...ds(2) got a cold the day before I went into labour so he's been cranky, moody, clingy, abusive and a million more words to describe a big pain in the butt!

he's now over his cold, but hes running around, wakes the baby EVERYTIME she's sleeping, gets really jealous when she's nursing, and has been beating up the cat!

Thank goodness dh is laid off and is only next door painting...atleast the threat of don't make me call daddy actually works, since ds knows he'll come home LOL!

I think if someone would take him for the day, frm right after breakfast to after dinner, and I gotta full day's sleep(im also just getting over the cold, and dd now has it, a 2 week old w a cold is NOT fun!) I'd be in alot better of a mood!

[_betsy_]

So.right.there.with.y'all.

My 28-mo DD is driving me nuts! She's clingy, she's defiant, she won't listen, she tells us NO all the time, she hits me, she climbs all over me... and I'm just tired of it all. I know it's totally normal behavior for her age, but man... when all i want to do is cuddle with the baby and stay in bed all day, having a demanding toddler is torture!

My mom was here for 5 days and DH was gone for 2.5 of those days. It was great having my mom here. She didn't cook anything, or clean, or even do so much as load the dishwasher, and I don't care! She kept my toddler occupied. It was great!

Now TV is keeping my toddler occupied. Yuck.

DH is off Tues and Thurs, but still busy with paperwork and errands and whatnot. I just NEED him to get DD1 out of the house for a couple hours tomorrow!

[Hallielynn01]

OMG, me too me too. I almost feel like she's a stranger. Like someone elses child, like I know her, but feel I've lost the warm fuzzies or something. I'm blaming it on the post birth hormones that make us protective and focused on our newborns, but its made me feel terrible! Glad I'm not alone!

[rockportmidwife]

I'm right with you ladies except it is my 13yo acting like a 2yo that is getting to me. He has been very argumentative and whiny. Then gets mad when I tell him to quit acting like he's two. He loves his new brother, but doesn't like that he gets so much attention. It doesn't help that he will hug me when the baby has been nursing for an hour and is fussy. The last thing I want is to be touched, but then his feelings get hurt.

[funkymamajoy]

I was just about to post the same thing!

Both of my older kids (20 months and 3 1/2 years) are driving me insane. :
DD (20 months) has developed a wonderful angry screech anytime she is the slightest bit displeased, even though she has a large vocabulary. DS1 (3 1/2) does everything in his power to make her use that screech. And he is constantly whining. If I'm picking up the living room, they're destroying the bedroom or the kitchen or the backyard. They're either hiding from me, getting into trouble, or they're hovering over me. I'm so tired of yelling at them (and I'm sure they're tired of it too).

By the end of the day, I'm totally touched out from nursing the baby, wearing someone or other, and changing diapers that I don't even want to spend much time with the baby.

Its only been two weeks, but I'm praying that we all settle into a routine and cohesive unit soon.

[ainh]

oh thank goodness i'm not alone!!

i think i have extra anxiety since i'm an only child and really want these boys to get along (my husband and his sister have a bad relationship and it terrifies me that these guys will be the same). i feel like i have no first hand knowledge of sibling relationships and i feel like i'm already screwing up this transition by yelling and losing my cool so much. meh. any book recommendations on sibling parenting??

[xakana]

No jealousy, but I definitely am lacking patience with my well-meaning toddler >_<

[my_baby_love]

I feel this way about my toddler and the baby isn't even here yet! Yikes! I feel like I just want to be in a very quiet and contemplative nesting mode and that's just not happening. I have no patience with the poor guy, and he has been having more tantrums and stuff lately anyway. Ugh. Luckily, I managed to talk DH into taking DS all day tomorrow so I can do whatever I want for more than an hour. We have been joking that I will go into labor tonight, though, and not be able to have my one day to myself before the baby is born. Oh well.