Moving past infertility?

[pugmadmama]

Hello. My sister posts here and I have been a long time "lurker". I am in a transition phase of my life and I'm interested in knowing if anyone else here has been through it.

I have an 11 year old son who is the absolute light of my life. It took us three years, several miscarriages, hormonal treatments, many months of bedrest and an emergency cesarean birth to get him but we did it! However, since then, we've been unable to concieve again. Adoption is not an option for reasons I'm not comfortable going into.

So, it looks like this is it. I know I am so, so, so lucky to have one child and, believe me, being his mother has been lifes greatest gift. I'm so tired of infertility. I want to move on from this. To be done with it. But it's hard. There are babies everywhere and sometimes I want one so badly I can't think straight! More than that, it's very difficult for me to accept that my son will not have siblings.

Has anyone else here moved on from infertility? Or are you considering it? Any books or websites to recommend? Thank you for any input.

[Arduinna]

Welcome to the pugmadmama, from another pug mad mama, lol.

We have two pugs, just love them !!! If you want to see pics of mine click on my webpage (the www at the bottom of my post). Do you have any pics of your pug babies??

woops, this is an infertility thread isn't it :-)

We are also in a transition phase. But I can't seem to totally stay over on the other side and give up ttc totally. We have a 14 year old dd (along with the fur babies) and have really wanted more but haven't had a keeper. Had a loss at 9 weeks 5 years ago. Very hard to get over and I couldn't ttc for a long time after. I'm 39 and dh is 46. Still riding the fence. We tried clomid last cycle but a BFN.

I don't have any book recommendations but there is a infertility off ramp and secondary infertility off ramp board on www.inciid.org

Welcome to MDC!!! (we have some other pug loving mamas here look for sweetbaby3 she is a pug mama too)

[gonnabeamom]

Pugmadmama,

I wish I had some wisdom for you. I've been trying for a year for number one. I'd been pregnant before and m/c (which was how I found out I was pregnant), so I just thought it would be easy for me to get pregnant again when I was ready. After all if you get pregnant when you aren't trying using BC getting pregnant on purpose should be a cynch. But it hasn't been.


I do know that the last month has been easier because I've been more focused on other things. I know infertilty can be so all absorbing and exhausting. It's like staring at a door for days on end waiting for someone to come through. I find myself wondering if there is a way to leave the door open but turn away from it. Don't watch it, don't plan on it, but go on with other things, try to find or re-find what nourishes you, turn down the tape inside your head that says "where's my baby, where's my baby, where's my baby" and listen to something else instead.

I hope you find what you need.

[pugmadmama]

Thank you both so much for your kindness and wisdom. I'm going to check out that website. I really like the idea of changing the tape in my head, it's a simple but powerful idea.

Again, thank you for the warm welcome.

[Laurel]

I haven't been in a situation of needing to move completely beyond infertility (we've been from treatment to adoption and now back to treatment), but there was a point in my life when infertility was so overwhelming that I couldn't function anlymore and really needed to be in a new place in my life.

At my dh's suggestion, I found a good counselor and that made all the difference in the world. That's what I would suggest. I know for me I could not have done it without an objective third party to help me through the grieving I needed to do. I was in counseling for six months, and when I finished, I was a new person. It was the most life-changing thing I have ever experienced, besides the infertility itself. I suspect I will revisit some issues for many years to come, and of course I do still deal with a lot because we are still in the game, but my coping skills, IMO, are really quite good as a result of the therapy and I think I mostly have a good outlook on life.