Depressed and Anxious Mamas? - Page 9

[oceane]

I've been lurking and am now posting to make sure the thread stays active! It has been very helpful reading of your experiences and struggles. so just hi for now!

[Surfacing]

Well perhaps I'll just jump right in and be self-indulgent here.

I am 18 weeks pregnant with baby #3. Things have been going pretty well mood-wise, though I do have my moments when the meds just aren't enough and I'm having a hormonal moment. Major emotions sometimes! But most of the time I'm feeling pretty good and am functioning, keeping up with my responsibilities, etc. Thank goodness for my meds. I just had a four day weekend which was soooooooo nice. Working FT and being on that hamster-wheel can be a downer.

Over here some of the financial strains and pressures are getting me down. As well as feeling out of balance (like for the past five years!!!) and not having enough me time for exercise etc. Must remedy that and not be guilt-tripped. It's a process of reprogramming my thinking.

How are you all doing?

[Starflower]

I'm new on this thread but not new to anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with depression, panic disorder and OCD in college. Been on a few different drugs on and off for treatment. Last did Zoloft but was on a very high dose and it was no longer helping. Now I am working with my ND and taking a bunch of supplements to help. Mostly, it helps, but lately things have been really hard.

I am having some other health problems going on which leave me exhausted. I get frustrated because I have several mild to moderate chronic conditions which on their own would be manageable, but they all gang up on me. I have an appointment tomorrow for a pelvic ultrasound to see why I bleed until I'm anemic. Hoping for some answers. Everything we've tried for this so far either did nothing or made it worse.

I have been very depressed the past few weeks. The OCD is coming back and bugging me more. The OCD seems to express more when I am stressed.

I've had to drop several activities lately because of the mental and physical issues combined. I have no energy but I don't know if it's physical (possible hormone imbalance and anemia?) or because I am depressed/anxious.

Trying not to snarl at DD lately. She has anxiety too and just started seeing a therapist. Sometimes I feel guilty about "giving" her the anxiety. Damned DNA. I am thinking about going back to therapy myself to deal with this chronic illness stuff, but money is really tight and it seems like we have constant medical bills.

I'm frustrated and angry at my parents because they are not supportive. My mom seems threatened somehow when I mention any anxiety or the OCD. I know she has anxiety though she denies it, but it's so obvious. I could see her having OCD tendencies, but I don't know. I am also coming to terms with my her never being there for me. This started when I was a kid, of course. My brother has severe bipolar disorder so his problems always took precedence to anything I had going on.

I did a ton of therapy working through stuff related to my dad, but since I've had DD, I've had lots of things come up about my relationship with my mom. I grew up in an abusive household; dad was an alcoholic; so the dynamic was all messed up.

I finally flipped out during college and had debilitating panic attacks. For awhile I was late for everything due to the OCD - I check things and wash my hands a lot.

So back to now: Currently, I am dealing with a slight recurrence in the OCD. Some moderate panic attacks - I know many of my triggers now so I can often (but not always) avoid them. But I am definitely having a lot of depression. I think part of the sadness is OK - I am grieving my lost activities. I am scared about my health. And frustrated and pissed and tired of feeling like a guinea pig. And dammit, I want my mommy - but she is never available and has not been for a long time. That part makes me feel sad, too.

So I have been in a process of letting things go. Many of these are things I wanted to let go, but it's still been hard. Some things I didn't want to drop, but had to for now. I get kind of hung up on labels/identity so I think that's what is going on there. I feel like in some way I am losing the "me" that I created. I think everything combined is causing the depression.

At least today I was able to go out and take DD to the sleep doctor appointment. Then we went to lunch and painted ceramics. It was hard for me, but I did it.Yesterday, I didn't want to do anything at all and I slept almost all day long. (DH was off for President's Day.) I really want to exercise but I am too tired.

Hopefully I'll get some sleep soon and be functional tomorrow. Thanks for listening if you got this far.

[Surfacing]

[Starflower]

Thanks for the hug, Surfacing. I think you gave me a hug on another forum on here too.

[flower01]

I'm new here but it's a lot to read all the pages...

I think i've finally reached a point where i'm ready to accept that i have depression. I haven't been diagnosed, but i've been doing a ton of reading and realize that what I'm feeling isn't "normal." I think i've had it for years...but there may be more going on than just depression. My mom was abusive and I recently cut off the relationship. I started seeing a therapist about it, but i stopped because she was really focused on me communicating with my mom which i feel needs to come AFTER I deal with all of my emotions. Right now i have a hard time doing anything...taking care of the house, playing with my kids, making phone calls. When my husband leaves the house i pretty much just sit around and only get up when i HAVE to. i'm in a place where i really want to do what it takes to get myself better...just not really sure where to start.

[Freedom~Mama]

Hello everyone!

I am doing okay...well sort of. My DH and I separated and that has been pretty hard. I am on 2 different anti-depressants and they are helping but I am still having issues. I guess going through a divorce I am bound to feel some pain and depression. Anyway hope everyone is doing okay.

[Starflower]

flower01 - Definitely sounds like depression. I hate that feeling of being immobilized by my own brain. I think it's good you cut off communication with your mom. I had similar stuff with my dad. I think it's odd that your therapist would push communicating with someone who was abusive. I agree that it makes much more sense deal with the emotions. Then it's easier to decide if you want to continue to try and have contact with that person and set up boundaries for the contact. Perhaps you could find a different therapist to help you out?

Beautiful Life - Divorce definitely makes all the emotions go crazy even in people who don't normally deal with depression. I did seek the help of a therapist during my divorce and it helped a lot, mostly by helping me maintain a realistic view of what was actually going on. I'd had therapy before for depression/anxiety but it definitely helped while I was going through the divorce process. Glad the meds are helping. Hang in there.

[Freedom~Mama]

^thank you for that. It is def. a stressful process. Sometimes I feel good and sometimes I feel sad, or angry or depressed. It is a lot of up and down. I am just doing the best I can with it and trying to not be too hard on myself.

[Surfacing]

Bumping thread. How's everyone doing?

[Starflower]

I just saw this on my subbed threads. I'm doing better right now despite several health issues still going on. I've been reframing some of my thoughts about parts of my life and that's been helping. Also, I dropped some activities that were weighing me down and adding to my stress. I started belly dancing again instead and have been having a lot of fun doing it. The exercise really helps a lot.

I have some transitions coming up this summer which might be challenging but I'm OK with them for now. I am mostly just trying to take things as they come and plan around them as much as possible.

How is everyone else doing?

[bluebirdiemama]

subbing

[neveryoumindthere]

Bumping

[carfreemama]

Anyone want/need to start this up again? I've been away from this forum for a while, but not because my mental health has suddenly become a non-issue!

I've been continuing with therapy with a really good counselor and am now also on clomipramine for OCD, hoping that calming that down will help my anxiety. I am trying to increase my dose. I think it's helping, but I am currently struggling with bulimia again (see other thread). Sigh. Life is good and I do appreciate it, but mostly I think I should just hang out on this forum. Sometimes I think I ONLY belong in the company of others struggling with mental illness. I tend to gravitate towards people with these issues IRL. I usually don't "know" it when I meet them, which makes me think MAYBE it's not the first thing people see in me, either? One can hope. Then again, I tend to be quite open (not completely, but I don't hide it for too long after I've met someone); because I think it's important that people see us as good friends, parents, workers, etc. I have so much admiration for people going through this and still managing to be/do all those things. And then I just want to be there for them when they can't.

How is everyone?

[applecider]

I would love to see this thread active! After years of on/off depression I'm starting to think I may have some anxiety as well. I just feel like I live in a constant state of fear/anger/resentment/grouchy/controlling...I'M SO SICK OF IT. I just want to be f-ing happy for once! I feel like I get little glimmers of happiness, like when I'm busy or whatever, but then something will flash in my brain (like something I have to do, some problem I've been having, some guilt (which I have A LOT of)) and I just spiral back down. I did see a therapist for awhile but she kind of sucked. So I need to get back to that. I want to apply for a job but I'm totally overwhelmed with doing that. And then I just start having all kinds of negative thoughts like, they wouldn't want to hire me, my resume wouldn't be perfect so why try, etc. I know part of my problem is crushing negativity and self-doubt.

I NEED to see a counselor. I'm just also overwhelmed with trying to figure out which counselor to choose. I would be paying out of pocket so I want to be sure they are the right one.

carfreemama - I tend to the same thing with people. I think it's because I want to hang out with people that I can be myself with, share my struggles, etc. I think people who have/had issues with mental stuff can only understand. Plus I tend to get annoyed with those who have never struggled because then I feel worse about myself. I'm glad you are taking the meds, I read upthread that you hadn't started them yet, I'm terrified to do a med. I tried once, but quit after several weeks because I didn't feel they were helping but it was probably just my own fear.

[birdhappy85]

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Edited by birdhappy85 - 4/27/13 at 6:30pm

[carfreemama]

I forgot I was the one who bumped this thread! I can be really spacey sometimes.

Wondering if any of the mamas are still out there and how are you all doing? I see there are definitely those of us struggling. I want to try to be more consistent in checking here/responding. I know people need support.

As for me, I have had unbelievable success with clomipramine. I can't believe it. I am actually kind of freaked out. I don't know who I am without anxiety. Not that I'm complaining, but I had no idea...I can do things now that would have been unthinkable 2 months ago. No plans to try to get off these meds. God knows I have tried everything else...when I could stop freaking out long enough. Now I actually CAN follow through with some healthy-living stuff. Ironic and all, go figure. Anyway, a new kind of head trip, but much preferable to the ones I've been on most of my life.

Chime in if anyone is in need of a hug or a chat!

[Surfacing]

So great to hear Carfreemama that the meds are helping you so much. Yeah, isn't it freaky? You think who the heck is this person without all that chatter in her head? And being capable of doing things because your anxiety is no longer in the way... so amazing. I hear ya.

I'm on meds too and they really help my mood but they affect my memory. I want to go back to school to study but sometimes wonder/worry that my memory may get in the way. It may not.

It's good to see this thread bumped again. Sometimes it's really lonely IRL when I'm having a hard time moodwise and there's no one to talk to. :grouphug

[MountainMamaGC]

I have been taking zoloft for almost 2 weeks now. I am on a mess of other drugs too because of a crohns flare. The steroids make me nuts every single time I have had to take them, but I think the  zoloft is helping me stay a little more stable. I still get hyperactive from the steroids, and I notice how long the days are thats for sure. I struggle to fill my day, but find little projects that I fell behind on in the house. I have ativan for when I feel panicked and cant sit still and imovane for night time otherwise I will be up till 3 am every night. I went from like no drugs, to many drugs overnight, but I have to keep myself comfortable while I am on steroids for the next 2 or 3 months. However, I notice this time around I dont have as many mood swings or crying spells, so I think the zoloft is helping me. I get horrible depression when I taper steroids, and I hope that it helps with that as well. I may even ask for a higer dose when I begin to taper my steroids, to get through it ok.

[birdhappy85]

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Edited by birdhappy85 - 4/27/13 at 6:30pm