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Depressed and Anxious Mamas? - Page 3

post #41 of 186
Thread Starter 
^ Just chiming in to agree that finding a ritual that lowers anxiety can be helpful. Sometimes it's as simple as a specific drink (juice or something else neutral) with a certain number of ice cubes in a certain glass...or a certain song...or even putting on a certain outfit or something.
post #42 of 186
Still haven't started drugs. Talked to a friend with bipolar, though, who agreed to be my contact person if things feel out of control from side effects. She's been there, so that helps. Not sure why I'm resisting so much this time. I've started fish oil and vitamin supplements. Want to try meditating.

I'm also reading Ekhart Tolle, The Power of Now and I have another one (forget the name). I guess I still haven't quite given up on these "alternative" strategies.

I'm trying to put my limited belief in these things. Like taking the Bach remedies seriously, 4 times a day, just as I would prescription meds. I remind myself they WERE prescribed, just not by an MD.

Today's goal is to call my insurance company to see exactly what's covered. I want to see an ND for some kind of plan. My concern there is that when I went before, they just said "no dairy, no meat, no alcohol, no caffeine." Um, no explanation. Just, "well, if you want to get better, just stop these things." I'm leery of dietary restrictions, because they really trigger my eating disorder fast. I have to be careful. The trick is finding someone who will believe me and work with that.

As for rituals, I need to find something healthy to replace trich! It's my guaranteed soother. What I really want, in all seriousness, is my own stuffed animal. I know it sounds pathetic, but somehow choosing something of my very own to bring out and cuddle when I'm scared would help me. Someone is selling hand-made stuffed monsters at the farmers market and I really want one! Of course, I'd never be able to let dd see it or it would (rightfully) disappear.
post #43 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by carfreemama View Post
My concern there is that when I went before, they just said "no dairy, no meat, no alcohol, no caffeine." Um, no explanation. Just, "well, if you want to get better, just stop these things." I'm leery of dietary restrictions, because they really trigger my eating disorder fast. I have to be careful. The trick is finding someone who will believe me and work with that.

As for rituals, I need to find something healthy to replace trich! It's my guaranteed soother. What I really want, in all seriousness, is my own stuffed animal. I know it sounds pathetic, but somehow choosing something of my very own to bring out and cuddle when I'm scared would help me. Someone is selling hand-made stuffed monsters at the farmers market and I really want one! Of course, I'd never be able to let dd see it or it would (rightfully) disappear.
Yes, finding someone who will work with the whole picture will be key in finding a treatment plan that is right for you.

It is not pathetic to want a stuffed animal to cuddle. I remember my mother having several kinds and when she'd want to cuddle and hug one, she would. She got a toy baby that was actually weighted so that when she felt like hugging a little baby (after her three children passed out of the baby stage), she could. I remember her hugging a bear too that was the right size for her. It doesn't hurt anyone. I don't see why you can't tell your dd that it's a lovey for you. You're not alone.
post #44 of 186
Thanks, Surfacing. Actually, I meant to tell you I read your explanation of psych meds to your daughter and you have finally given me the words to explain them to MY daughter, so thank you!

Yes, I would like to cuddle with a stuffed monster at night. Usually dh is good for that. But my terror and anxiety are definitely rooted in childhood nighttime and I think I just want to get myself a gift that honours that--kind of an "adult child" thing, I guess. I've always loved beautiful stuffed animals. Dd would just want to share it.

I'm still thinking about rituals and the one thing I've always loved is candles and incense. The natural, low-key stuff. When I was visiting BIL after my sister died in December, I'd walk into their apartment and the most beautiful, gentle smells would come out. They are Buddhist and they say a lot of prayers with incense and candles. Nothing harsh, just subtle and, well, sacred. I'd like something like that.
post #45 of 186
post #46 of 186
You guys are awesome! : Thanks for the welcome, too.

I'm all about my comforts. I sleep with my blue blanky every night (and cuddle it when I'm upset). I've done this since I was a baby. Same blanket.

I got one of these recently, and I ADORE it. I thought it looked more like a baby toy, but decided to try it anyway since the reviews were so good. It's perfect. I'm such a fidgeter (and a picker) and this thing keeps my hands busy.

I have lots of daily rituals that help. My bedtime routine is an exact science at this point. I *can* break it without melting down (well, depending on circumstance), but I definitely feel the difference.

Quote:
Originally Posted by carfreemama View Post
My concern there is that when I went before, they just said "no dairy, no meat, no alcohol, no caffeine." Um, no explanation. Just, "well, if you want to get better, just stop these things." I'm leery of dietary restrictions, because they really trigger my eating disorder fast. I have to be careful. The trick is finding someone who will believe me and work with that.

As for rituals, I need to find something healthy to replace trich! It's my guaranteed soother. What I really want, in all seriousness, is my own stuffed animal. I know it sounds pathetic, but somehow choosing something of my very own to bring out and cuddle when I'm scared would help me. Someone is selling hand-made stuffed monsters at the farmers market and I really want one! Of course, I'd never be able to let dd see it or it would (rightfully) disappear.
I can relate to all of this soooo much.
post #47 of 186
Thread Starter 
I'm glad everyone seems to be doing pretty well lately.

carefree: buy a stuffed animal! I have a couple that I tote around like a toddler when my anxiety gets bad. I'm 21 and there's nothing wrong with that! DH doesn't mind because he knows it makes me feel better somehow...he'll actually get it for me when things get really bad.



So, on the visit to my parents this weekend I sat and finally really talked to my mom about how abusive my ex boyfriend was, and she really listened. It was helpful because my parents thought that I was just a crazy teenager and they loved my ex. Now at least they know that he was part of my problems.


ETA: Okay, not happy. I just found out they're moving DH's technical school to another state. So, instead of being 5-6 hours away he's going to be in another state. The baby is due DURING tech school. Prayers and positive thoughts that it works out and he can make it.
post #48 of 186
AFWife: Just a quick note to send you: Can you fill us in a bit more on what's going on there? Will he be commuting/home on weekends? Will he be on leave when the baby is born? Just not too clear on your setup, but having him away must be so hard! Glad you got some family air-time, at least.

Will post more later, everyone! Trying to get dd to preschool so I can start work maybe a bit less than 2 hours late today!
post #49 of 186
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by carfreemama View Post
AFWife: Just a quick note to send you: Can you fill us in a bit more on what's going on there? Will he be commuting/home on weekends? Will he be on leave when the baby is born? Just not too clear on your setup, but having him away must be so hard! Glad you got some family air-time, at least.

Will post more later, everyone! Trying to get dd to preschool so I can start work maybe a bit less than 2 hours late today!
We're not sure if he can come home on weekends because it's so far to travel. He will be able to get leave when the baby is born but might have to miss the actual birth (I guess it depends how long I'm in labor...I can't believe I'm praying for crazy long labor right now)
Having him away has been one of the hardest things I've had to do. Some days are harder than the really hard days. Hormones don't help.

I have my 3 hour glucose test today and I'm going to mention to the doctor that I've been having anxiety problems and see if there's something he can do...can you take anti-anxiety meds while pregnant? I guess I'll find out.
post #50 of 186
From what I hear, some of the anti-anxiety meds are okay during pregnancy. I think there was a question raised about that on this forum fairly recently and many people said taking meds is safer for baby than leaving anxiety unchecked. So I think there's some real help possibly there. You may actually find, as I did, that it gets easier when the baby is born. I was really afraid of postpartum depression but the physical exaustion of new mamahood was surprisingly welcome!

Things are ticking right along here. I have an appointment with an ND on Monday. I've never been to one before (though I've accessed other naturopathic-type services). She sounds really good and really well qualified. I'm actually hopeful I can start taking dd to her, if dh will agree (he thinks it's "worth a try" for me, but not as open to alternative therapies in general). But I'd LOVE to have some kind of ND care for my sweet girl.

I also got a screening appointment for mental health outpatient services for March 10. I was surprised how fast that went through. They have some neat-looking services, including "anxiety group." I type their reports all the time (I am a medical transcriptionist) and they do sound discouragingly mainstream a lot of the time, but I want to keep a good attitude and really try to believe therapy can work. I am really, really hopeful that a combination of psychotherapy, exercise, nutrition overhaul, etc. can make a dent in this. We shall see, I guess.
post #51 of 186
It's late and I don't have time to read through the whole thread, but mind if I join?

I am a recovering cutter/self-harmer, and currently struggling with bulimia, depression and social anxiety. I'm on 40 mgs of Prozac but it ain't doin' much and I have a follow-up appt with the doc soon so I'll probably get it adjusted or something. I'm in the process of looking for a counselor... I tried to get into one of the "best mental health facilities in the state" last September and the counselor I saw told me I wasn't depressed, I was just fat and I needed to exercise more. Then she called CPS on me.

My biggest thing is I feel like such a failure... I'm 22 and I feel like I'm wasting life... like, I was supposed to get my bachelor's degree when I was 19. I still don't have it and I'm nowhere near school. I want to be this amazing, supportive mama but more often than not I end up turning on Baby Einstein and lying on the couch waiting for naptime.

I'll catch up on this thread tomorrow... it's nice to hear that there are others out there who've gone through some of the same things I have.

Oh, and I totally have a stuffed animal - I've slept with him since i was 9. His name is Rusty, he's a dog. Last year I threw him at the cat and his nose broke off and I was in hysterics for about 3 hours till we glued his nose back on. (I was also pregnant, which may have had something to do with the hysterics hee). I tried to "wean myself" off him this year but screw that, I love Rusty and it feels right to sleep with him and if DH doesn't care neither do I. And if DH does care he can sleep on the couch.
post #52 of 186
Thread Starter 
Welcome, Kris!
post #53 of 186
Thread Starter 
I had a horrible anxiety attack while lying in bed last night. It was one of the worst I've had in a long time. Thankfully it was short and I fell asleep with exhaustion afterward. Ugh
post #54 of 186
Hi Krisis! Welcome aboard our wobbly little train!

AFWife, how are you today? What happened with your anxiety attack? Do you want to talk about it?
post #55 of 186
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by carfreemama View Post
AFWife, how are you today? What happened with your anxiety attack? Do you want to talk about it?
I'm doing better today. I had just had a rough day and really wanted my husband there with me and having to go to bed alone, again, was really hard last night. I even had a semi-scary dream and waking up alone sucked. (DH and I always wake each other up to say "I had a bad dream" so the other can provide middle of the night comfort)
post #56 of 186
Dh and I do that for each other, too. Except I usually have to physically wake him up, like with a pillow or something harder. I hope you guys are reunited soon!
post #57 of 186
I don't know why I do this to myself. All night I've been reading about school shootings on Wikipedia, then watched school shooting videos on youtube and now I've moved on to footage of the 9/11 attacks.

Why do I do this?

post #58 of 186
Hello again...

It's been awhile since I've been on here, I've never really done the forum thing until now, so it's been kind of difficult for me to keep up. I check this site everyday, but rarely post...just FYI on my sporadic chiming in.

Part of the issue is that I've been in a deep bout of depression lately making it difficult to reach out. I guess posting online is similar to phones for me, it's difficult to take the leap and communicate. I have started to see a terrific counselor though, it was such a great feeling finally reaching out in that way. She is very into natural medicine and has suggested that I start taking fish oil (i've been taking DHA, but I just realized that it's not actual fish oil?) so I ordered some Nordic Naturals and she also suggested that I eat a lot of edamame, that the my body maybe isn't getting the right kinds of protein or isn't processing it right and that this may help. I have never really had a very good diet so I think that this may be a good first step.

I think that rituals can be very helpful, although mine change fairly regularly. I have recently discovered that knitting is great for my anxiety fits.

I also love the stuffed animal notion I tend to use articles of clothing instead. In my teen years it was a special hoodie, now its a hooded scarf...I suppose I really enjoy hoods.

AFWife: I can totally relate to your nighttime anxiety, I have a difficult time just laying down in bed by myself even if my partner is in the other room. I don't know what I would do if he was away. Since we were in a car accident last May, he's been out of work and we've spent every day together, he just recently got his driver's license back and so now I'm adjusting to him just leaving the house for a couple of hours...he's starting work again soon and I'm dreading how I'll be when that happens. We're not sure if he'll be able to take any time off when the baby comes either. Speaking of, I realized that we have the same due date

Krisis: I find myself watching that kind of stuff too. It seems that once I watch one video, 5 other follow...I don't know why this happens either especially when I feel so awful afterwards. I find that watching something funny or happy or listening to Jack Johnson or whatever tends to help distract my mind and lead it in a better direction...

Hope everyone is doing well. Hugs all around
post #59 of 186
Hi Everybody, :

Can I join? I am a depressed and anxious mama. I had a really bad am...I hate it when the day starts out crappy I

Krisis, I am so sorry you had a stupid counselor (I have seen many in my years including one who told me I was a burden on my family because I was still grieving the death of my baby 6 mons later Maybe I'm not actually depressed either but just fat, gee I knew there was some reason I should lose weight

AFWife - I am sorry your DH is away from you I really need my DH to get through bad dreams too.

Also when will this winter end? I know it is only Feb and I am in Canada but I am so tired of the cold :

Ok I have to go and change my baby now and try to be a happy responsive mama.
post #60 of 186
Hi butterfly mama and welcome! Finding decent therapists is a BIG part of the battle with this IMO.

We're in the midst of yet another snowstorm here, too; here being Nova Scotia. A little warmth and light will do us all a lot of good.

How is everyone?
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