Originally Posted by kylesmama
Originally Posted by Theoretica
I teach them to self soothe the way I teach them to do everything else. We do it together. Me leading the way by demonstration and by example, and being their solid foundation to reach beyond their own limited world experiences.
see me do it.
yes exactly that - but how do you self soothe? what are they watching you do to calm yourself?
I think that may be my real problem as I see them showing me that they can't calm themselves - I am realizing that I don't necessarily know how to do this myself...and be a role model. does that make any sense?
Good question, I get it now
When I'm upset, I actively practice calming down in front of them. They might see me count quietly, they might see me say "I'm really upset and need to be left alone". They might see me listen to music and cry. They might see me ask DH for a hug. They might see me say "heya DD, mama is feeling sad/angry/frustrated right now, can we be silly so I can take my mind off it a bit?" If I'm royally Pissed Off they might see me say "Man I am SO ANGRY right now, I need to go journal (or whatever...) so I can feel calmer and play with you some more". Basically I don't hide my emotions from them (within reason) and I try to process it/verbalize in a way that they can comprehend.
As for helping them calm down, I really work on active listening the most, and make suggestions that they usually turn down
because, well, they aren't happy with me at the time lolol
But, it DOES work. This cmas DD wanted to help daddy test lights. He doesn't want her to electrocute herself (picky picky) nor does he want them tangled. So he said no, but told her she could help HANG the lights later. Wow was she pissed! She sat there seething for a bit and then said "I am going to MY ROOM!" I said ok honey, are you all right? She said NO...I am SO MAD at Daddy right now I'd better go COOL OFF. And she stomped to her room and stayed there for about half an hour. She came back and proceeded to help hang the lights...life was calm and peaceful once again.
Does that help some?