Do you warn people about vaxes?

[bluedaisy]

I watch a 4 month old baby 2 mornings a week - his mom is a single mom who is a classmate of my DH. She is not from the US and has only been in this country a few months. She takes her son to the health department for his WBV and vaxes. The other day she mentioned his 2 month vaxes (because she asked me when my DD will have her 2 month visit) and she told me I should give her tylenol before she gets her shots, because that's what she did with her son.

I think she's going next week for her 4 month appt. I wasn't sure if I should say anything - since she's not been in the country for long, I'm not sure if she knows about the vax controversy. We're not planning to vax DD at all, at least not for a very long time.

I'm not very close to her and not sure if I should have said something - I honestly didn't want to say anything because I don't think she'll listen to me anyway - but at the same time i'll feel bad if her son has a vax reaction and i didn't say anything.

and isn't it also dangerous to give tylenol? should i at least warn her about that?

What would you do? Do you ever warn family or friends about vaxes?

[kolleen9]

I don't warn people, I used to, but it's not worth the fall-out.

When my kid was young I did ask other people so I would keep my son from them. In the mid-90s thinktwice website had some articles about non-vaxed kids getting polio from kids who got the live virus vax. I didn't want my son near anyone who was vax'd.

You may want to warn her about the tylenol if you can give a conventional type article to her about the subject, otherwise you're going to end up in a debate that you dont' want to have.

YMMV,
Kolleen

[Gitti]

How often in the years, after dd had vaccinated her own child, did she say: "I wish someone would have warned me. I wish someone would have started a conversation about not vaccinating. I wish...."

After she looked into the issue and we stopped vaccinating, she decided that if she has a chance, she will speak out. We have been doing that ever since and feel good about it.

[Gitti]

Would you mind telling us what country she is from? I might have a site in her native language.

[angie7]

I use too but I don't anymore. It's not worth the fight honestly. Most people are hardwired to believe they are life saving tools and don't want to hear anything against it. I don't hide the fact that my kids are vax free but I don't announce it either.

[bluedaisy]

She's from Nigeria, so her English is great.

I probably would be more hesitant to start a conversation with an American, but since she's not from the US I don't know if she has been as "brainwashed" about vaxes. My DH is from Kenya and he thinks it's crazy that they give so many. Also, my friend might not realize she has a choice in the matter.

however, she's a busy grad student and a single mom, so i don't think she would have the time to research and i think the health dept would bully her into it anyway even if she does consider what i have to say.

Gitti, I see your point - I am so glad that i learned about vaxes before my DD was born, and i would have been grateful if someone had started a conversation with me...but i tend to be a pretty nonconventional, question everything kind of person anyway.

i've never had a confrontation with anyone about this so maybe i'm naive in thinking that people will be able to see how crazy the whole vax thing has become.

she knows we have an appt for DD on tue...maybe i'll just mention that we're not getting her any vaxes yet and see what she says

[just_lily]

I still really haven't figured out how I feel about this. If it is someone that I don't really know that brings it up, like a mom at a playgroup mentioning these shots or those shots, I usually just smile and nod. If it is someone that I know I usually just say we don't vax and leave it to them to ask questions if they wish.

I have often read information that I want to shout from the rooftops to inform everyone around me, but the reality is that very few people are interested.

[Grateful]

I would just keep in mind that the cost/benefit analysis involved in making vaccine decisions is different for someone from Nigeria than it would be for someone from the US. If the family returns to Nigeria to visit (or live), higher disease prevalence might mean the benefits outweigh the risks for her son. Or not. But my point is, vaccine decisions are context-specific, your research does not necessarily apply to your friend's family. But, IMO, there's no harm in bringing up the issue in a respectful manner.

[melissabb]

Originally Posted by angie7

I use too but I don't anymore. It's not worth the fight honestly. .

I just answered a post about the five year old who has regressed after receiving the MMR shot. I will cut and paste my answer here as I think it answers the question of the OP and addresses the above quote:

This is why we need to stop worrying about appearing 'flaky', ruffling feathers at the annual christmas party, dodging school officials etc etc. We need to be upfront and bold about our choice and the reason for it. Every time we clam up to "keep the peace" or because we just don't have the energy to get into a discussion yet AGAIN we risk one more child ending up like this poor little girl.

We don't have the luxury of being tired of arguing, or feel defeated. Children are dying.

[Gitti]

Originally Posted by Grateful

I would just keep in mind that the cost/benefit analysis involved in making vaccine decisions is different for someone from Nigeria than it would be for someone from the US. If the family returns to Nigeria to visit (or live), higher disease prevalence might mean the benefits outweigh the risks for her son. Or not. But my point is, vaccine decisions are context-specific, your research does not necessarily apply to your friend's family. But, IMO, there's no harm in bringing up the issue in a respectful manner.

Your theory is based on believing that vaccines do little harm and work in preventing the diseases they are designed for. I don't!

So to me this would not make much sense.

[Gitti]

milissabb,

Thank you! Someone has to be brave enough to stand up for little children.

:

To OP -

Maybe just handing her an article like the one below would get her thinking?

http://www.vaclib.org/basic/caseagainst.htm

[k9sarchik]

If the person is more on the mainstream side, I usually keep my mouth shut. If they lean toward holistic living, or seem open to alternative medicine, things like that, I probably would say something.

[applejuice]

Originally Posted by kolleen9

I don't warn people, I used to, but it's not worth the fall-out.

Exactly. After a lifetime of not being vaxed, I learned early in life, age six(!), that this is a verboten topic of conversation. Unless I am acquainted with the person and the other person starts talking about vaccinations, pro and con, then I NEVER, EVER let anyone know how I feel about vaccinations.

I still have friends from my grammar school from 1960 who wonder about me, that strange girl who was not vaccinated while we had classmates wearing leg braces from polio and other classmates who lost a year of school in an iron lung. I am a pariah to them. If they want to know more about vaccinations, I have already been burned on the subject and I will clam up. The same person will turn me in to the authorities for not vaccinating even though not vaccinating is perfectly legal. They simply want to make trouble for the person who is not following their narrow line of thinking.

"The nail that sticks out gets hammered down".

[BarnMomma]

I usually don't bring it up unless someone asks me. If they ask me directly WHY we don't vax I am more than hapy to tell them why and then flood their inbox with links. lol

I find myself more prone to bringing it up with people who are TTC or pregnant.

I also let my son be the poster child so to speak for my reasons for not vaxing. We receive comments constantly about how he is so alert and bright and healthy looking and what's our secret? They ask, and I tell.

[buttercupmama]

First time mothers are more open to hearing it, yes.

I don't go out of my way to discuss it unless I can have some anonymity. If someone asks, I'm not lying and I'll hold my head high because I know I've made the right choice for us. But I'm not going to invite aggression from the public at large. It was bad enough worrying about the doctor calling CPS.

I do have a link to the Vaccine Nation video on my MySpace, but I have few friends and my profile is private. One has a 16 month old, so I hope she watched it at least. I don't know how mainstream she is so I don't want to be too direct with her.

[Morgana]

I would love it if someone talked to me about vaxes. I tried to talk to people twice and my DH brought it up with someone once and they all looked at us like we'd grown an extra head. DH and I are expecting our first and we'd love to find people IRL who have done the research and soul searching on this topic. We don't care if they decided to vax or not as long as they've put in the time and effort to make their decision. But so far the few people we've talked to are doing exactly what the doc wants them to do without question. We're leaning towards no-vax but even just the idea of learning about the vaxes seems like a foreign concept to the people we've talked to.

[applejuice]

Originally Posted by Morgana

. We don't care if they decided to vax or not as long as they've put in the time and effort to make their decision.

This...I totally agree with this statement.

I really do not care what people do, as long as they make an effort to know what they are doing is going to be what they live with. I would never TELL anyone what to do, just as I would not want anyone to TELL ME what to do.

[gardenmom]

I generally keep to myself within the mainstream, but talk to people who are open minded and/or on the fence, and we openly talk to family members, most of whom back our decision totally. I do plan to talk to my Niece about her daughter who is 11, as well as a few other friends with older girls (re: Gardasil), and don't care what they think about me for it.

Last year I went to a political vax rally and was interviewed by the local TV station. It ended up being shown over and over again on the local TV news for days, and I started to get worried about whether people would bother me about it. One parent from dd's school saw the footage and asked dh something in passing, but never brought it up again, and the guy's attitude was "to each his own". Several months later, a guy in my parents' town said "I saw you on TV" and it took me five minutes before I realized they were playing the footage yet again.

It's a difficult situation. I feel a responsibility to shout from the rooftops, hence the political rally (which incidentally got a really bad law stopped in it's tracks, hooray!). But I also feel that dh and my decisions are our personal health decisions made for our children and should be left that way. Really it's the personal beliefs/rights issue that is at the core of this vax debate anyhow.

And I am trying really hard to take fear (of persecution by others/officials, etc.) out of the equation, but it is difficult, particularly with kids in the public school system. The more time passes and more I read and know that we are comfortable in our decisions, the easier it is to speak up.

Sorry...long post.

[mkmoro311]

I am the only one of my frineds who does not vax! With ttat in mind I constatntly send them emails about the dangers of vaxing! No one has yet asked me to stop so I keep on keeping on!

[GooeyRN]

No. I assume most people did their research, and decided on what they feel is best for their family. I only talk about risks/benefits if someone asks.