How would you approach this interview/consult situation?

[juliaaaah]

The nurse/birth assistant at our son's birth (who was a midwife at the time) has since left that birth center (in 2007) and opened her own homebirth midwifery practice. She was such an amazing presence at Ollie's birth, and she came to our house the next day to do the follow up care, checking on me and running all the newborn checks. We all got along really well.

When I found out she is now a HB midwife, I figured it would be a no-brainer. She also does all the prenatal visits at your house if you want, for a small surcharge. Sweet! She's probably the most inexperienced of all the midwives I've investigated so far, and I'm not yet sure if I care about that. She has a lot of births under her belt.

So, here's my point: we are having her over for dinner for our initial consultation/interview on Monday, and I feel kind of dorky asking her the standard set of questions. I probably will still do so, but if I could get any insight from you all on this, that would be great. I imagine it would be in the same vein (but not nearly as touchy) as lining up a good friend to be your midwife.

I guess I'm scared to switch from "Oh my god we loved you, remember all of this stuff about ollie's birth? you are so great, etc" to "Soooo, any bad outcomes?"

phew, long post. Sorry, and thanks if you made it this far . Maybe I'm just looking for a pep talk.

[wombatclay]

I think it'll go fine! Is she a friend outside of your shared birth experience, or is that mostly where the relationship grew? Either way, you could do something like "Ollie's birth was wonderful, and I know your being there was part of our good experience. Since we're planning a homebirth this time and homebirth is a bit new to us, we do have a bunch of questions!" It may not be strictly "honest" (you may be very comfortable with homebirth) but it sets a friendly stage for the tougher questions.

She should be expecting honest questions (like "how would you handle X? Have you seen X in your homebirth practice? What happened?" or "how many mamas in your practice have transfered to the hospital? Why? What was the outcome there?") and be prepared to answer your concerns, just like she would for any mama.

Good luck!

[Full Heart]

It was hard for me to interview mws because I was "in the circle". You still need to ask the same questions you would if it was someone else. She should be expecting the questions so don't worry about making her feel bad. This is what she does. I think set aside a time, like after dinner to ask the questions. That way you can be friendly first. Thats what I did. Chit chat then get down to business.

[juliaaaah]

thank you both!

[SereneBabe]

Yeah, I'll agree with the others here. You could even do a "switch" into the more formal questions... like, "Okay, we know we adored being together at my first birth, but I've got this list of questions I'm going through with all our potential birth assistants..." Something like that...

[Peony]

I've interviewed two MW's this pg and have known them personally outside their MW jobs. We'd chat about life, what we were up to then the topic just always shifted to the pg, how it was going, and I'd ask my questions. I had a list and would just refer to it if need be. Good luck!

[katmann]

It will be a good sign of her professionalism if she responds well to your questions. After all, if she values her clients, she'll be receptive to all their concerns, no matter how well she knows them.

[wbg]

I think it is very important to ask the important questions despite your past experience. I think it sounds like the perfect set up and that you have a great connection. But it is still important to have clear expectations set and your needs explained. I think she would be comfortable explaining her practices and even restating the obvious if need be, in order to set up a professional client relationship based on home birth care as opposed to birth center care. Honestly, I wish I had asked more questions during my initial interview and not made assumptions regarding my care just because she was a. a midwife and b. absolutely lovely!

[NaturalMindedMomma]

So you had a BC birth? Honestly, midwives are used to calming people down, answering questions, and being questioned! LOL My MW says she loves it. They like to get the knowledge they have to offer out there. Ask away and let her put your mind at ease!