Some days, I just literally want to die. The exhaustion I feel, the pain I'm constantly living in just becomes too much. I've been to doctors. Lots of them. They all tell me my symptoms are all unrelated. I was diagnosed with fibro when I was about 17 or 18. Then I was later undiagnosed because it didn't exist. But they still couldn't tell me what's wrong. Apparently the way I feel all day every day is normal. Everyone is tired and has aches is what I get told. Then I was diagnosed with lyme, and chronic lyme syndrome, only to be told THAT doesn't exist either. Exersize more, eat different foods, try this vitamin, it's all in your head because you are depressed. This is what I get. From family, friends and hcps. Today is just too much. Insomnia has been really bad lately, and yesterday I napped from 2-6pm and went to bed again around midnight until 8 am. it was an up and down fitful sleep, but it was ok. Better than usual. My dh bitched about gonig to be late and getting up early. He went to bed around 9:30 and was up around 7. How is that going to be late? He does so much, and I really shoudn't be upset, but I'm just tired of being labled as lazy or difficult or crazy instead of sick like I feel. What's worse is the only thing that helps make me normal so far that I've found are freaking narcotics. Not only do doctors LOVE to prescribe them, but I just LOVE taking them. It doesn't help that I have a history of alcoholism. I mean they help my pain, and I can be a little more productive that day, but I pay for it in nausea, itchiness, and more pain the next day. I have an appt on monday because this "relapse" or whatever anyone wants to call it has been really bad, and I'm hoping I'll get a referral to a neuro or something. The headaches have been getting worse, and my clumsiness as well. My word retrieval has been really bad... I call everything a chicken. which is kind of funny, but oh so frustrating. I've had 8 miscarriages, and the endo I saw told me it was NORMAL for women to miscarry. Yeah, I thought 1 maybe 2 was normal but 8?! I'm so fed up and today has just been really bad.
post #1 of 24
1/25/09 at 1:22pm