How do I help? My best friend has cancer.

[snowangel182]

I just got the call last night...my best friend who just turned 30 and has two young kids, found out that she has cancer. It's in her stomach. It's in her kidneys. They don't know where else yet, but will know more in a few days. I live across the country, and I'm struggling to find a way to help. I know that listening is something I can do, but other than that, what else can you think of? My brain is mush. I'm going to send her two books I found that help explain cancer to children (they havn't been told yet, though the little one is too little to understand much, he's only 14 months). What else can I do besides cry and pray and hope and be a friend? I wish i could help somehow with a fundraiser, or give them something that they really need. Any ideas?
Thank you.

[BethSLP]

no ideas, but wanted to give a . that is terrible.

its hard being far away. are you in touch with any family/friends who are near her?

I've heard of mamas cleaning house, doing laundry, etc. but thats not feasible for you.

XOXO
B

[angie7]

Just listen to everything she has to say. Be there for her when she crys, screams, anything she says, you listen. That is the best thing you can give to someone going through something like this.

[RachelGS]

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that your friend is facing this. It must be very sad and frightening for you both. I'm thinking of you.

[MamaJenese]

Listen to her. Also, I know when my sister was diagnosed with cancer she wanted to talk about other stuff. She did not want to feel pressured to "share". So make sure you follow her cues. She may just want to chat about mundane day to day things and maybe even have a laugh. If you have the money (I know things are tight everywhere right now) maybe a gift card to something like the maid brigade or Peapod grocery delivery. I am so sorry.

[Ifluffedthree]

I am also going to add that my IRL very close friend has been through cancer. While she is in remission now, thankfully, she was obvious about not wanting to stay in the subject most of the time. Reading cues will be helpful to her, and know that they can change at the drop of a dime.

I was really ill 5 years ago and almost died. My church, friends and family collectively arranged for meals to be made and delivered about every two days, each taking a turn and making enough to be heated for two days. I was in bed from May 31st Sept 13.
Homemade prepared Food was delivered to our home for about 6 weeks and there was quick frozen foods stocked in our freezer for use. My elderly aunt came and did floors and laundry and light meals during the day one day a week for 6 weeks. And my friends came and some days just sat with me and listened, or just sat - when I was afraid.

Child care, food, support, someone to help with the necessary chores were the primary things that were needed in our home during a long crisis.
Maybe something simple like paying the phone bill for her so she has the gift of conversation when needed.
Trying to think what was helpful to us.

I am sorry this road lies ahead -- I hope there is good detour awaiting. HUG