What would be an appropriate length of time to stay and visit with your friend and her new baby?

[mamasaurus]

Let's say your good friend just had a baby. She wants to have visitors stop by.

What would be an appropriate length of time to stay and visit? 30 minutes? An hour? More?

[boysmom2]

Maybe just ask her? Maybe she really wants to hang out and talk with someone about her birth experience, etc. Or, she could really use some help - laundry, dishes, etc. Or, maybe she wants to show off the baby for a few minutes and then be left alone. I think if you said something like, "I would love to see you and the new baby and help out however I can, but I know you probably need to sleep and bond with that new baby. What can I do and how long would you like me to stay?"

[notjustmamie]

I'd definitely ask. If not before hand, after about 15-20 minutes.

Personally, when DD was born, hardly anybody came over and I loved having company that stayed and just talked for a while. Most new mamas I visit, I stay long enough to pass over the food or gift, coo at the baby, then ask about getting going.

[amma_mama]

Originally Posted by boysmom2

Maybe just ask her? Maybe she really wants to hang out and talk with someone about her birth experience, etc. Or, she could really use some help - laundry, dishes, etc. Or, maybe she wants to show off the baby for a few minutes and then be left alone. I think if you said something like, "I would love to see you and the new baby and help out however I can, but I know you probably need to sleep and bond with that new baby. What can I do and how long would you like me to stay?"

: I would also ask again shortly after arrival, as life with a newborn can be unpredictable...the baby may be particularly fussy that day or both had a worse night than usual, etc. I know that I had days when I would have loved to have visitors for an extended period and days when I was too stressed out or tired to cope up.

As you are clearly sensitive enough to even post this question , trust your instincts during your visit of whether you should (if you can) extend your stay or cut it short and arrange another time.

[kerikadi]

The most important thing is to show up with food. Expect 30 minutes unless she wants you to stay longer. Plan to put a load in the washing machine and maybe load/unload the dishwasher.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by amma_mama

: I would also ask again shortly after arrival, as life with a newborn can be unpredictable...As you are clearly sensitive enough to even post this question , trust your instincts

:
Great post.

I would not have expected to want company for a long time, but one Sunday afternoon one of my friends dropped by for the 2nd time since DS had been born. I think he was just shy of 2 weeks old at the time. The weather was nice, so we sat on my deck & played games. DH joined us for part of the time. She was there for probably 6 hours or more & it was great having here there. We all took turns holding DS while he wasn't BFing.

Yes, bring food!

[leerypolyp]

Yes, really depends on the friend! Good idea to ask.

I had it in my head I would want a long isolation period, but right now I wish my house was full of people.

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by kerikadi

The most important thing is to show up with food. Expect 30 minutes unless she wants you to stay longer. Plan to put a load in the washing machine and maybe load/unload the dishwasher.

Yeah, that. If it were me, if you were coming to sit and talk, or want to hold the baby, I'd figure a half-hour tops would be enough for me. But if you came and were interested in actively helping, maybe folding some laundry, or making beds, while I held the baby and nursed and relaxed, I'd be willing to have you stay all afternoon. And if you showed up with lunch-- I'd be begging you to come live with us!

[Kappa]

20-30 minutes or so, unless you are very close to her and you're planning on cleaning. In which case stay as long as you want!

I didn't mind people hanging out all day, as long as they didn't make me feel like I needed be a hostess. I am big on making yourself at home when you're at my house, help yourself to whatever you need, mi casa es su casa.

[amydidit]

Definitely ask. After DD2 was born my best friend came by to visit and left after only about a half hour. I wished like crazy she would have stayed much longer. I really need another woman around I could talk to about everything. But I couldn't bring myself to ask her to stay (my own issue).

[heatherweh]

If you were cleaning my house then you could stay all day. Or if you were willing to hold the baby and let me take a nap or shower. Otherwise, if it was just a social visit I'd limit your time. :-)

[boscopup]

I enjoy visitors, but 30 minutes for a not-so-close friend, and longer for a really good friend, especially one that is doing stuff. If my best friend came over, I'd have no problem with her staying for a few hours if she wanted to! I know she'd help out if necessary, and I never have to play hostess with her (growing up, her mother loved that I would get myself a drink instead of asking for one, and likewise my friend always did the same thing at my house and we still both do that).

[lookingforaname]

I agree with asking, but . . . I think it's hard for first time moms to know. My first, I would have told people, stay however long! Now, I know better and ask people not to visit at all.

Tell her to feel free to go take a nap if she needs to and not feel worried if she feels not up to visitors even after you show up.

I agree that the most welcome visitors are those who help out with dishes, laundry, cleaning. Play with my other kids for a while! Even better, take them home with you . . .

[the_lissa]

I agree with asking. I wanted people to stay as long as possible. I was lonely and wanted lots of company. Make sur eyou tell her to feel comfortable to let you know when she wants you to leave in any case.

[LaLaLaLa]

Ask her, and plan on limiting time to be on the safe side. When DD was a newborn, after a very traumatic birth and having breastfeeding trouble, my aunt came with my teenaged cousin and my grandfather, who was in the midst of Alzheimer's. They stayed for SIX HOURS, did not bring food, and mostly my aunt wanted to talk about how great her kids were during their infancy (including lots of stories about her baby who died at seven months) and how great she was at being a mother. It was the worst visit ever.

If they had come with food, though, and had cleaned my house and had given me privacy to breastfeed (perhaps while they were cleaning my house), I would have much more warm and fuzzy feelings toward them.

[kohlby]

It may depend on when you stop by! I'd ask her, but not until you're already there! I stopped by a neighbor's house to deliver food after a new baby - expecting it to be a 5 minute or less stop. But they were bored out of their mind and wanted us to stay longer, so we did! On the flip side, my first was rather, ah, spirited. And I could only breastfeed shirtless at first. So I was glad I didn't have visitors!

[JennTheMomma]

I would call ahead of time and ask when a good time would be to stop by. My son had colic, and between 2:30 and 4:20 pm would be his really fussy time. I would also ask after you arrive.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

Bring food, and ask if you can hold the baby while she showers or does something she needs to do. That is the best. If it were me I'd love for you to do that, and then we could sit and visit while I nursed the baby.

[GooeyRN]

If you are just visiting, stay no more than an hour. If you are going to do dishes, do laundry, and/or hold the baby while she showers/eats/naps, then stay as long as you are being helpful. If you aren't helping, and the baby naps when you are there, that is your cue to leave so she can eat/shower/nap. Bring a meal that does not require a lot of prep or make a lot of dirty dishes. Or do the dishes if it does.

It exhausted me to have people visit, not help, and expect me to entertain them, and then they left without helping with the mess from cooking when they were here. Honestly, I would have preferred they not visit if they were not going to be helpful until I got into a new routine and was fully recovered from childbirth.

[onelilguysmommy]

some people want someone to stay and chat, some people want to be left alone with their new family. just ask her!