Homebirth Debating

[AniellasMommy]

When people talk to me about Homebirth and have the nerve to say that I am "putting my baby at risk." It makes my blood immediately boil. I want to smack them. How dare they assume that I stay home for my own convienence and comfort.
But, that prevents me from having any kind of intelligent conversation about the subject. And then I get even more upset that you can give them facts until you are blue in the face, and they still won't believe you even though their own "facts" consist of what they heard about so-and-so and such and such a baby was "so lucky" they were born in the hospital, and it becomes obvious that they know nothing about the subject.
First question: How do you calm yourself in the moment enough to have a rational conversation (even if your the only rational one)
Second Question: Is there really any point at all in discussing it with people who have ABSOLUTELY no idea what they are talking about???

[Krabs]

To be perfectly honest and blunt, that is the same feeling I get when people tell me I'm ignorant and putting myself and my child at risk for choosing to birth in a hospital. It felt really good to have a new acquaintence tell me that I brought a c-section upon myself by going to birth in a hospital (without them knowing the details, by the way) and had I just stayed home I could have avoided the whole thing. It's pretty insulting. Which is why I never say anything to someone who chooses to birth at home. I believe it is a personal choice and no one is going to make you feel like changing your decision by belittling you for where you give birth. HTH!

[AniellasMommy]

Originally Posted by Krabs

I believe it is a personal choice and no one is going to make you feel like changing your decision by belittling you for where you give birth. HTH!

Exactly!! Its just going to make you defensive and mad.
This is why it is so hard to stay calm!! When you make such hard decisions for YOURSELF and YOUR baby and people who have NO IDEA what they are talking about have such strong opinions.

[mom2tristan04]

I prefer not to engage people in conversation about it, to be honest. I know it was just a matter of a few years ago that I thought homebirth was taking a HUGE risk and it made me very uncomfortable. Slowly, my views changed and now I feel similarly about hospital scenarios. If pressed, I'd simply say that homebirth is what we feel is best for our family. If bothered about safety, I'd share that statistics have made us feel confident in our decision. It's not a topic I care to debate. It tends to lead to hard feelings on both sides. I think birth setting is a very personal decision, and one way won't fit every family. Hospital birth moms will feel insulted at the implication that their birth wasn't "right" and home birth moms will feel insulted at the implication that they put their baby in danger by not being in the hospital. These sorts of arguments never seem to go anywhere productive unless the other person is clearly receptive to the idea in the first place.

My :.

[Juvysen]

I just say that birth is inherently risky and going to the hospital has risks of it's own. It's not like people never die in the hospital or something. Then I say that I've done my research and made my decision and they're free to make theirs. :

[AniellasMommy]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

I just say that birth is inherently risky and going to the hospital has risks of it's own. It's not like people never die in the hospital or something. Then I say that I've done my research and made my decision and they're free to make theirs. :

But, how do you stay calm when they say really insulting things like "you must be crazy" and "you are going to kill your baby"? I have a hard time not taking that really personally.

[Krabs]

Anyone that claims you are going to kill your baby because of where you are birthing, unless of course it is in a trash heap or unsanitary environment like squalor or oh idk, a radioactive mine, is just mean. They don't really deserve anything beyond a big sigh and some rolling eyes.

[JamieCatheryn]

I haven't come across anyone that fearful or outspoken about my homebirth, but those who have any concerns usually are calmed to know that we have a midwife, and that if problems arise we would transfer to the hospital.

[mom2sol]

Originally Posted by AniellasMommy

But, how do you stay calm when they say really insulting things like "you must be crazy" and "you are going to kill your baby"? I have a hard time not taking that really personally.

Honestly, the rare times when someone has said something that inane to me, I've literally just started laughing at them. I've walked away, changed the subject or simply told them to look at the research for themselves, once I regained my composure. I've found that laughing throws people off and shuts them up.

[AniellasMommy]

Originally Posted by mom2sol

literally just started laughing at them. I've walked away, changed the subject or simply told them to look at the research for themselves, once I regained my composure.

I REALLY like this approach!! It is hard in the moment to just laugh it off, but yeah, it really is ridiculous to say that to someone. I'll try to remember that.

[barefootpoetry]

I would just put a big smile on my face and say, "I'm so glad that you hold me in high enough regard to think I would deliberately put my baby in danger," or something to that effect. Most people's knee-jerk reaction to homebith is "OMG DANGEROUS!" but when they realize what a stupid, STUPID thing it is to actually suggest that any mother would really try to hurt her baby, then they shut up.

Or you could go for super-facetious and say, "Yup, you're right! I am just out for the warm fuzzy experience and I couldn't care less if my baby lives or dies! You hit the nail right on the head!" I've used this one before. Sorry if that's too abrasive for you, but after a while, you just turn into a huge sarcastic b!tch when this comes up.

[mom2sol]

Originally Posted by AniellasMommy

I REALLY like this approach!! It is hard in the moment to just laugh it off, but yeah, it really is ridiculous to say that to someone. I'll try to remember that.

Yeah, you're right, it has to be a real laugh- not a forced one; fortunately for me it seems to be my natural response!

[lotus.blossom]

I'm not very good in those situations. I usually avoid the conversation, and then go have a cry. I get the "you're so brave" comment here and there but never one as aweful as "you're gonna kill your baby." I admit that I had some anti homebirth feelings years ago (stemming from my cousins homebirth/transfer/c-s for a breech babe) but it was out of ignorance that I felt that way. I was fortunate enough to learn more about it before I made a concrete opinion. And now I am finding that it is my only logical option living in a state that is very VBAC unfriendly.

If that makes me brave, then ok! I personally think every woman is brave to have a baby no matter how it comes out!

I think if I am faced with this kind of statement I might ask that person if they have ever known of/heard of a tragic outcome from a hospital birth. Chances are they have and it might shut them up. Hospitals don't come with magic wands.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I love educating the ignorant. How else will they stop being ignorant? It's easier to not get mad if you get to a place where you can understand that they just don't know any better. They're raised in a doctor-worshipping culture. I can't even tell you how many people who thought homebirth was idiotic who have changed their minds because of being around home birthers. You just have to try to not take it personally.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Originally Posted by AniellasMommy

When people talk to me about Homebirth and have the nerve to say that I am "putting my baby at risk." It makes my blood immediately boil. I want to smack them. How dare they assume that I stay home for my own convienence and comfort.
But, that prevents me from having any kind of intelligent conversation about the subject. And then I get even more upset that you can give them facts until you are blue in the face, and they still won't believe you even though their own "facts" consist of what they heard about so-and-so and such and such a baby was "so lucky" they were born in the hospital, and it becomes obvious that they know nothing about the subject.
First question: How do you calm yourself in the moment enough to have a rational conversation (even if your the only rational one)
Second Question: Is there really any point at all in discussing it with people who have ABSOLUTELY no idea what they are talking about???

I say, Actually, homebirth is statistically as safe, if not safer than hospital birth! That usually shuts them up, because they have not done any research. If not, I say, but of course I want my baby to die! Thats why I spent all this time carrying them! SILLY ME!

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Originally Posted by lotus.blossom

I'm not very good in those situations. I usually avoid the conversation, and then go have a cry. I get the "you're so brave" comment here and there but never one as aweful as "you're gonna kill your baby." I admit that I had some anti homebirth feelings years ago (stemming from my cousins homebirth/transfer/c-s for a breech babe) but it was out of ignorance that I felt that way. I was fortunate enough to learn more about it before I made a concrete opinion. And now I am finding that it is my only logical option living in a state that is very VBAC unfriendly.

If that makes me brave, then ok! I personally think every woman is brave to have a baby no matter how it comes out!

I think if I am faced with this kind of statement I might ask that person if they have ever known of/heard of a tragic outcome from a hospital birth. Chances are they have and it might shut them up. Hospitals don't come with magic wands.

When i ge teh your so brave comment, I say "Really??? I think people who have their babies in hospitals around infectious diseases like MRSA are brave"

[NaturalMindedMomma]

I think I stay calm because I know I am right. I actually pity their ignorance.

[lunamegn]

I think a really good response to people who are only interested in bashing you or making you feel like "you're putting your baby at risk" is simply to say: I will not discuss this with you until you've done your research. In my opinion, people who attack others for decisions like homebirths have done no independent research of their own.

[DahliaRW]

Originally Posted by NaturalMindedMomma

I say, Actually, homebirth is statistically as safe, if not safer than hospital birth! That usually shuts them up, because they have not done any research.

Yup, exactly what I do. And follow that up with "women should give birth where they feel most comfortable. I had a horrible, uncomfortable, invasive first hospital birth that had some negative consequences for ds1. With ds2 I had him at home with no issues blah blah blah." People usually shut up by that point!

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Originally Posted by DahliaRW

Yup, exactly what I do. And follow that up with "women should give birth where they feel most comfortable. I had a horrible, uncomfortable, invasive first hospital birth that had some negative consequences for ds1. With ds2 I had him at home with no issues blah blah blah." People usually shut up by that point!

LOL, I move on to freeze drying my placenta and chewing on it in case of bleeding and they usually stop there if all else fails! LOL