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Things that sound bad out of context... Share yours - Page 6

post #101 of 121
Originally Posted by Mamabeakley View Post
My neice's dad drank beer out of cans, so when she started talking she called the kind of cans beer (or soda or ice tea or whatever) comes in "beer". My son, who is 3 months younger than her, thought she was the true authority about what to call things, so he called those cans "beer" too. We don't drink and we don't buy soda or anything else in that kind of can, so I guess it made as much sense as anything else to him.

Several times we were in the mall or someplace with a soda machine and he would loudly shout and point or whine for "beer" from those darn machines!
Along those lines, that reminds me, we used to have salt and pepper shakers made out of Coronita bottles. You often see those in Mexican restaurants - they were a neat novelty, basically 8-oz. beer bottles with shaker lids. Well, when DS was about 2-1/2, he would ask for "white beer" on his food at supper. He doesn't like pepper, but DD does, and when she began to talk, she'd ask for "white beer" AND "brown beer."

They did this for a loooooong time, everywhere we went, whatever kind of shaker they saw. They just thought salt and pepper were made of beer!!! I had to explain this a lot...

Also, DD just hollered at the top of her lungs from the other room, "What the hell do you think you're doing??" She listens to her Dad too much. : At least she hasn't picked up on some other things he says way too often.
post #102 of 121
A month of so ago, DS1 came up to me during the middle of the day and said very matter-of-factly, "One day my penis is going to grow big like Dad's." He's very into being like Dad right now and I guess he's right compared to what he's familiar with now! I couldn't decide what to say so settled on something lame about how he was growing big all over.
post #103 of 121
Today, DD, 2, and I were in the car and we were talking about going to BJ's Wholesale Club. I told her we would ask daddy.

When we got home I mentioned that we wanted to run out and go there. DH said sure, I like it there, it's been a while since I've been in.

DD turned to me and said with a big grin on her face " Daddy LOVES BJs!! BJs daddy's favorite!". DH of course nodded enthusiastically in the background.

post #104 of 121
DS is up to perhaps 20 words now, but his pronunciation of "Bye-bye" is "Die-die".
post #105 of 121
Love. this. thread.

If you're still reading and still have a little laugh left in you for a good ole cock joke, DS used to call avocado "COCK" (sort of GOCK sort of cock). He looooved avocado. So in the grocery store a number of times he was heard to shout "Cock! I want cock! Get me some cock!"
post #106 of 121
Originally Posted by Starr View Post
"Daddy gives me black eyes"
Originally Posted by SeekingSerenity View Post
Earlier this summer, my daughter was eating orange slices. She picked up a slice that still had the rind on it and started loudly demanding that I <b>"take the ass off!! I can't eat it, take the ass off!!</b>"
Originally Posted by Mommal View Post
DD, on the differences between mommy's, papa's, and her genitalia: "I have a tiny gina! Mommy have a big gina! Papa have a long gina!"
Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post


Originally Posted by darien View Post
Today ds4 was pushing a picture of Pres. Obama across the kitchen floor by blowing on it (Who knows why!). I was in his path, so he decided to go under me, saying "Spread your legs for President Obama, Mommy!"
: O. M. G. I cannot breath!! The bolded line had tears streaming down my face!

I don't have any nearly as funny as these. The only thing I can think of is slightly OT but still embarrassing. Once DD saw me in the bathroom and I was on my period. She saw the blood on my pad and was like, "That's poop mom? You poop your panties mom?" Trying to prevent her from embarrassing me in public, I explained it was blood. Now anytime we're in a public bathroom she's sure to exclaim, very loudly, "That's BLOOD mom? That's BLOOD?"
post #107 of 121
These are funny!

The closest thing I have is a story babymomma likes to tell. When she was about 3 years old, "mommy" was "money". If mom wasn't close enough while they were out she would start shouting "I want money!" over and over again.
post #108 of 121
Ok, I do have one that sort of pertains to our family. It's not a toddler thing, but a not-quite-all-the-details thing. My dad got married last summer, through that I aquired a 14 yo stepsister and 6 year old step brother. First day of grade one, the teacher gets everyone in his class to say one thing that happened over the summer. Well the teacher had met the family a couple of times before and knew step bro had a teenaged sister, but didn't know that mom got married to a man with adult children. What step brother did was announced "I became an Uncle" over the summer. No other information provided until the teacher tried to discreetly address the issue with his mom and she, while trying to stop laughing, explained about dad, and of course me, DH and her sons then 9 year old niece.
post #109 of 121
Oh MY! I am crying reading this thread, i thought my kid was the worst for this! But it seems she is in excellent company...

My dad bought her a spinning toy for her second birthday which has plastic balls on a spiral inside it so when you spin it the balls "climb" the spiral. We went to a singing group for toddlers a few days later and when the leader said "hi there hun, what have you been doing today!?" she replied with a bright smile and the words "Playing with granddads balls!"

She was once lying on the floor outside the bathroom when DP came out. "Stand on DD stepdada!" she said. "WHat!?" he asks. "Stand on DD!" So he stands on her gently, first with one foot, then the other. She smiled and said "THanks step-dad, that was good standin' on DD!" and got up and ran off.

A few months ago she said to me "Break me mama". I said "WHAT!?" she said "Stand on me and break me!" so i did gentle standing on her and she sighed and said "I like breakin' me mama".

One rainy day many months ago i mentioned the possibility of giving DD a beating on the phone to someone. I am very gentle and never smack or anything and i was speaking in humour, exaggeration being a useful tool of mine for gettng a grip on my unreasonable emotional responses to things and we were having a laugh at my frustrating day. I turned round to see DD (who i though was napping or i'd certainly NEVER have said it) standing in the doorway. "I want a beating!" she said. Foolishly i siad i'd give her a beating, chased her down the hallyway, tackled her and tickled heruntil we were both in fits of giggles. Unfortunately it's stuck and now she frequently asks me for a bating on the bus/in company.

DD was a homebirth and because we plan to have future babies at home with her around i do let her watch nice childbirth videos on Youtube from time to time. The other week she said to a perfect stranger on the bus, "Mama made me born. I was very born. But the doctor didn't have to come becase i came out a vagina". The stranger, a woman who looked about 80, thankfully seemed quite good-humoured about this info. I wanted o say i was only babysitting....
post #110 of 121
On the topic of not-so-flattering observations...

She once was hugging her sleepy step dad in the kitchen at about 6am, and looked up and said "awww, you got a big hairy leg".

She frequently makes references to "Mama's big wobbly bum".

On the morning of her 3rd birthday she got in bed with us. I said "how old are you today DD?" and she said "I'm THREE!" with a big smile. Then suddenly she got really serious, held one of my hands in both of hers and said with deep concern and sympathy "Oh Mama, you're twenty-eight"
post #111 of 121
When my son says castles it sounds loke a**holes. Also when he says talks it sounds like c*cks.
post #112 of 121
DD is very into body parts and watching me get ready, and one day I was putting on some deodorant. (I "share" it with her by putting the lid back on and also swiping her armpits upon request, lol.) Well, this particular day, I hadn't shaved in a few days, so I had some dark stubble going on. DD looked at my armpits as I put the deodorant on, and said "Mama's armpits dirty!" lol.
post #113 of 121
I was playfully blowing dd's bangs out of her eyes one day, which she thought was hilarious. When she wanted me to do it again, she yelled "Blow me! Blow me!" Fortunately I was the only one around to hear this
post #114 of 121
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
Then suddenly she got really serious, held one of my hands in both of hers and said with deep concern and sympathy "Oh Mama, you're twenty-eight"
My kids love telling everyone how old I am. My son exuberantly introduces himself to everyone who is willing to listen with a condensed family history including names, ages, birthdates, jobs, etc. He usually gets to the point where the person listening is staring at me with a rather panicked look, trying to smile while appearing ready to run away as fast as they can. I have to interrupt him and rescue the beleaguered stranger before he starts giving out social security numbers or something.

He's gotten a little better after I've had a few intense discussions with him about appropriately speaking to non-family members (if you're related, all bets are off).

DD still piped up to the UPS guy last week, "I'm three, Bubba is six and he's almost nine years old! That's my baby and he's ten months old now and my mom is thirty FIVE!! She's older and older and older!"

He laughed all the way back to the truck.
post #115 of 121
DS [ 3yo ] has been potty trained for exactly a year now, but took him up until about a month ago to realize that he had to point his 'pee pee' down into the toilet so that he wouldn't spray anything within 5ft in front of him.. including me! one time i was trying to show him how to point himself down, but when his daddy got home, he found it funny to say "daddy, mommy touched my pee pee".

post #116 of 121
DS#2 said "I love to kiss boys" DH nearly fell on the floor. So I asked DS#2 "do you mean that you love to kiss your brothers?" and he said "yeah" to which dh let out a hugh sigh of relief. I just laughed and told him that I am always telling the boys that I love to hug and kiss on them.
post #117 of 121
When my ds was 2.5 yo, his grandparents were allowed to take him fishing (which, I don't let him do anymore because of this)...
He came home extremely excited that he got to use his own "bitchin ho!" (fishing pole) but was very very sad as he explained grandpa cut the "bitches head off..."

Thank god he's learned to say his F's.
post #118 of 121
Originally Posted by EmilyVorpe View Post
When my ds was 2.5 yo, his grandparents were allowed to take him fishing (which, I don't let him do anymore because of this)...
He came home extremely excited that he got to use his own "bitchin ho!" (fishing pole) but was very very sad as he explained grandpa cut the "bitches head off..."

Thank god he's learned to say his F's.
post #119 of 121
post #120 of 121
Dh doesn't like coffee, and DS1 takes that to mean that all daddies dislike coffee. So as I was starting the coffeepot one morning, he announced "Daddies don't like coffee. Daddies like beer!"
DS2 hopped out of the bath a few nights ago and noticed that, as he was a little chilly, his nipples were standing up. So he touched them studiously and then announced "My nipples are for touching!"
Finally, when the DS1 was younger, he used to call Curious George "Monkey Jew" (Jew being his try at pronouncing George), and he used to scream this out in the children's section of the library when he found the Curious George books, as other moms and their kids played around us. I wanted to die right there.
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