Things that sound bad out of context... Share yours - Page 5

[filiadeluna]

again... I think I'm going into labor from laughing so hard!

j/k It's a bit too early for that.

[Flower of Bliss]

DD is of course quite amused by talking about penises and vulvas. I get blow by blow accounts of random days (sometimes weeks ago) with what she was doing with her friend, and then her friend had a dirty diaper, and then the friend's mom cleaned it up, and then they played on the swings, and then ... Any day in the past is "yesterday" (and any day in the future is either tomorrow or Saturday).

So, one day I'm getting some crazy run down of what happened and she annouces "and Sig (a little toddler boy) had a penis yesterday"

Last week sitting on her potty with Daddy helping her, she announced out of the blue "Daddy has a big penis" Compared to the only other penises she's seen, those of her toddler friends, it's certainly true. Poor DH had no clue how to respond.

[Julia'sMom]

DD is on a chapstick kick right now. She calls it her "lip". So...we frequently get stares of confusion when she says "Mommy, gimme some lip please."

A while ago, when kisses were still the magical cure-all, she fell and hit her bottom pretty hard. So, she walks up to dh, puts her butt, diaper only, in his face and says "Kiss my butt, Daddy".

[TinyMama]

My dad speaks German w/DD. DD is obsessed with numbers. For some reason, though, she only says 6 in German...and it's her favorite number.

A few days ago, in Target, DD is toddling up and down the aisles, getting out some energy, and she sees a tag on the floor. Of course it had a six on it, and of course she wants this filthy piece of paper.

DD: Sechs, Mommy, sechs! WANT SECHS! WANT IT NOW! PLEEEEEEASE!!!!

You know how "sechs" is pronounced, right? Needless to say, I ran down the aisle and got the tag for her.

It was SOOOOOO much worse b/c she was obviously speaking English, except for her incredibly embarrassing demand for sex.

[Harmony96]

HAHA this is a great thread, I need to sub.

Fortunately... I don't have anything to add yet... but DD is only 26 months, so I'm sure my time is coming.

[ihugtrees]

When I was in Kindergarden and my mom got unexpectedly pregnant with my brother, I was telling the class about the baby coming into my family. I told everyone, "And when my dad came home from work, my mom said, 'Honey, you're a silver bullet!'" Later when I was telling my mom about the story, she said, "You didn't say that did you?" I didn't learn till I was older what 'silver bullet' meant.

[delly]

When my cousins and I were all still younger, our families would meet up for the Christmas holidays at my grandfather's condo, which was in the mountains, so we could go skiing. Well, my youngest brother went back to school in January one year and told his kindergarten teacher that he liked Grampa's condom!!! (She figured it out pretty fast when he elaborated, and she shared the joke with my mom when she came to pick up my brother.)

[kimmypoo]

My SIL took my niece to the restroom at a walmart. The lady in the next stall was obviously having some tummy trouble. So my niece started singing "Diarhea, diarhea, cha cha cha..."

[acp]

These are hysterical!

My favorite DD story like this is from a while ago, when she was maybe 16 months old. The Jewish Community Center near us has a great playroom that we sometimes take her to. DH was there with her one day, and she was drinking some juice out of a sippy cup. She spilled some, and happened to be in a stage when she got very upset about things being too "dirty." She promptly started yelling, loudly, "dirty juice! dirty juice!" Needless to say, that's not exactly what it sounded like... As others parents looked over at him, DH, embarrassed, was clarifying "Yes, your juiCE is spilled and looks dirty..."

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by mamarootoo

my favorite so far is when she pointed at a woman in the grocery store, and said (oh so very loudly) "POO POO SH*T!"

that's Ella-nese for "purple shirt." i'm not sure if the woman believed me though! (she was wearing a bright purple shirt though!)

This is where I would loudly reply, "yes, dd, that woman DOES have a purple shirt - pretty, huh?"

Originally Posted by Miasmamma

She also sings a song she made up, "My vulva, my butt! My vulva, my butt!" It has moves and everything.

This made me laugh til I cried. And your dd is DARLING! (I clicked on the link in your sig)

Originally Posted by darien

Today ds4 was pushing a picture of Pres. Obama across the kitchen floor by blowing on it (Who knows why!). I was in his path, so he decided to go under me, saying "Spread your legs for President Obama, Mommy!"

I was still wiping my eyes from the vulva/butt song and dance above when I read this. Going to have to redo my eye makeup before going to work, people!

Originally Posted by EviesMom

Yeah, this not an "out of context" tale, but a friend knew exactly where her American toddler learned his first "bad word" because in her husband's British accent, the toddler got frustrated and shouted "BLOODY HELL!"

I think this is awesome! What a funny thing to hear a toddler say - especially perfect in context.

Originally Posted by ihugtrees

I didn't learn till I was older what 'silver bullet' meant.

Some of us still don't know. Explain?

[Fuamami]

These are hilarious.

My dh loves Sriracha hot sauce, and long before we had kids, we started calling it "Nice Hot Cock". If you've ever seen the bottle, you'll know why.

Anyway, we should have given it up, because when I was registering dd for school the other day, ds2 started screaming at the top of his lungs, "I want some nice hot cock! I want some nice hot cock!"

[HappilyEvrAfter]

OMG!!! Obama!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!! OMG! I'll be laughing about that for days!!

..and....and...hahahah! "Nice hot cock" LOLOLOL. OMG.

The people at work think I've lost it....these are hilarious.



The only thing I've got from my son is another "cock" story.

He came home insisting that we need a bunch of cocks in the house.
::insert my stunned and confused single mother face here::

Then he tells me, very seriously, that one of the cocks could sleep between my legs like Bently (the dog like to curl up between my feet).

Um, what? "Honey, what's a cock?"
"You know, one of those things that wakes you up on a farm."
"OOOOOOOOHHH! Yes, well, please call it a chicken."

Of course, now he says "Momma, look! Its a chicken cock!" Lol.

[Dov'sMom]

We were at my parents' house a couple of weeks ago and I was in the bedroom all the way at one end of the hall. For whatever reason, DS 2.5 was still up at 1 am, and he accompanied DH to the bathroom. I have no idea why this time of all times was the time he picked to scream to me across the (until then anyway) sleeping house: "Ima, Abba has a PENIS!" Then he repeated, clearly waiting for a response. I shouted back a weak "Thank you ds" and he screamed back "You're welcome Ima!"

The other morning he woke up and started explaining to me (still groggy-eyed): "Ima, this is my penis. I like my penis. If my penis gets bad, we will throw it away and I will get a new penis. You will help me put my new penis on, right, Ima? If this one gets yucky? Right you will help me put my new penis on?"

MIL was visiting and standing right outside our bedroom -- I can't imagine what she was thinking!

[ainh]

We were having our first playdate with a boy and mom from our preschool. The boys were playing and all that us mom's heard was my son saying "blah, blah, blah, SKINHEAD". I had no idea why...but I was a little mortified that my two year old uttered the word skinhead. Turns out he was playing with this puzzle:
http://www.amazon.com/Beleduc-Your-B.../dp/B000ELWHUQ
He was up to the skin layer and was looking for the head. On the muscle layer he obviously asks for the penis muscle too. Good times.

[OGirlieMama]

Ah, fun to run across this thread on this particular night. Tonight we were treated to:

1 - Kate running up to me naked (after a shower) and wanting to snuggle, then commanding me to "Kiss my bagina, Mommy!" Which ended up in me having to say "Vaginas are not for kissing." (The yet-to-be-published book in the "Hands are not for Hitting" series?)

2 - My husband said he needed to leave the room to pee, to which Lilly replied "Your penis is always wiggling all over the place."

3 - When he returned, Kate told him he had a "big, giant tushie."

Luckily, they went to sleep before it got any worse.

[prothyraia]

We were at the grocery store when my oldest was smaller...I think he only had a dozen or two words at that point. We went down the wine aisle and he started pointing and yelling at the top of his lungs "WHIIINE!" "WHIINE!", but slightly guttural: he sounded like any angry frenchman on a bad sketch comedy show.

It was hilarious!

[Carrie Posey]

My husband was working on our house wiring using wire strippers, which my son was fascinated with. I took him 2 1/2 at the time to the park where he ran around screaming "STRIPPERS, STRIPPERS" at the top of his lungs.

[SeekingSerenity]

We were in Walmart the other day picking up some WIC items, some of which were cans of frozen juice concentrate. DD drinks a lot of this stuff, because we get tons of it. I water it way, way down (instead of 3-to-1 water-to-concentrate, I use 6-to-1, so it's mostly water). But even with making it mostly water, she can only have a limited amount because otherwise she gets an upset tummy.

So she sees me putting juice concentrate in the cart and starts to loudly and excitedly talk about why it was okay for her to have it.. (she's going through an extremely talkative, descriptive phase)..

"Mama! You can buy juice now because I can drink it because I didn't have squishy poop! I had hard poop that came out of my butt and made a splash because it went swimming! And it wasn't diarRHEa, it was hard and spikey!" (emphasis on the dia-REEE-ah)

Yeah, I moved on quickly to the cheese section, before I died of embarrassment.

[Tizzy]

Thankfully other people don't tend to understand our toddlers as well as we do

Here's one about me...

I informed an adult friend of the family that my great grandma and great grandpa had AIDS. He told me that's probably not true but I was persistent and assured him that Yes, they do have AIDS.
This went on for 5 minutes until I clarifed - Yes, they have aids in their ears. hearing aids!


DS1 Says "Whatwasthat" really quickly, I'm okay with that until we were at a friends and he said it when the microwave beeped. He exclaimed "Whatwasthat" but it sounds like "Oh shit!".
Everyone naturally assumed that he thinks any beeping is bad because the smoke alarm goes off so frequently in our house

So I had to listen closely for a couple days - it is definitely Whatwasthat...

[Mamabeakley]

My neice's dad drank beer out of cans, so when she started talking she called the kind of cans beer (or soda or ice tea or whatever) comes in "beer". My son, who is 3 months younger than her, thought she was the true authority about what to call things, so he called those cans "beer" too. We don't drink and we don't buy soda or anything else in that kind of can, so I guess it made as much sense as anything else to him.

Several times we were in the mall or someplace with a soda machine and he would loudly shout and point or whine for "beer" from those darn machines!