Child Care Provider Pet Peeves - Page 3

[hparsh]

Since we're venting about parental behavior, I'd like to vent about my DCP. For the most part they are very good and loving, but I just wish they'd give me more feedback when I come to pick up DS. It's like pulling teeth getting them to give me details about his day. Are DCP's just too tired by the end of the day, or maybe they just don't like me? They have a little sheet that summarizes when he ate and had diaper changes, and they circle his mood for the day. I wish it was a requirement that they had to write at least one sentence of something my child did that day or anything of note.

[spedteacher30]

Originally Posted by suebee79

Just wondering, but do you tend you notice a high turnover ratio in caregivers?

Nope, but i don't use a nanny. i know that I am extremely picky about the care my child receives, and I paid a lot of money to have him in a center that agrees with my ideals. and, in the two years he was there, there was no turnover in his center.

Of course, there were times when the rules at the center were different than the rules at home. And, we didn't undermine the rules in that setting (I am a teacher after all, working with other people's children all the time!) but we didn't enforce the exact same rules at home.

When our son was in a biting phase, we certainly backed up the center's expectations that biting was not OK, but we didn't do it in the exact same way that the center did.

Our general rule is that our child is expected to follow directions from all of the adults in his life: us, grandparents, providers, neighbors, aunts/uncles, etc. And, we don't undermine those adults, but if our son's provider ever tried to tell us how to parent him to make her life easier, we would find another provider. We don't tell the center how to run its program, and I would not appreciate my providers telling us how to run our family.

Believe it or not, our son's teachers think we are wonderfully supportive, involved and committed to the ideals of their program. But, as the director of his daycare firmly said, "You pay us a lot of money to make sure your child is well-cared for, and if you ever have a doubt about that, we need to work that out so you are comfortable with us."

and, annette, I agree with you. Kids have different expectations all the time, and need to learn how to meet those different expectations, but if a provider and a family have such wildly different expectations that they are constantly undermining each other, maybe they aren't a great fit for each other.

And, I would *never* leave dirty dishes or laundry for a care provider to handle. I would want a nanny's attention to be 100% on my child, not my breakfast dishes or my dirty underwear!!

[spedteacher30]

Originally Posted by Katzchen

Exactly. I have no issues with being upset when the caregiver tells the child no and the work at home parent undermines the caregiver by saying yes. However it seems a bit silly for a caregiver to expect the parents to follow her rules and schedule when she (or he) is not working.

exactly.

[kirstenb]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I remember one from my child care providing days!

Please don't send your child is fancy schmancy clothes and then get mad when she gets them stained. We painted, ate snacks, and played hard. Stains happen.

:

Well, I don't get mad about it and I don't sent him in fancy clothes but I did ask if I could bring in an art smock for him. I can deal with normal dirt and food stains but he had paint and/or marker on almost all of his shirts and non of it seemed to come out, ever. Now, I'm not exactly a laundry goddess so I am sure that has a lot to do with it! We just don't have a whole lot of shirts so I need to try to keep some of them somewhat presentable. Now I am hoping they don't think I am one of those parents...

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by kirstenb

:

Well, I don't get mad about it and I don't sent him in fancy clothes but I did ask if I could bring in an art smock for him. I can deal with normal dirt and food stains but he had paint and/or marker on almost all of his shirts and non of it seemed to come out, ever. Now, I'm not exactly a laundry goddess so I am sure that has a lot to do with it! We just don't have a whole lot of shirts so I need to try to keep some of them somewhat presentable. Now I am hoping they don't think I am one of those parents...

No need for a bag, I totally get that! It was the kids who came in perfectly matched expensive outfits and were told (as was I) that they weren't to get dirty day after day that drove me insane. And we provided smocks.

[annettemarie]

I thought of another one (my turn for

If your kid is too sick to participate in normal activities, they're too sick to be in care. Don't send them in expecting we'll find an extra caregiver just to hang out with them all day because they have a hangnail and don't want to do the daily routine.

[hparsh]

Originally Posted by spedteacher30

Nope, but i don't use a nanny. i know that I am extremely picky about the care my child receives, and I paid a lot of money to have him in a center that agrees with my ideals. and, in the two years he was there, there was no turnover in his center.

Of course, there were times when the rules at the center were different than the rules at home. And, we didn't undermine the rules in that setting (I am a teacher after all, working with other people's children all the time!) but we didn't enforce the exact same rules at home.

When our son was in a biting phase, we certainly backed up the center's expectations that biting was not OK, but we didn't do it in the exact same way that the center did.

Our general rule is that our child is expected to follow directions from all of the adults in his life: us, grandparents, providers, neighbors, aunts/uncles, etc. And, we don't undermine those adults, but if our son's provider ever tried to tell us how to parent him to make her life easier, we would find another provider. We don't tell the center how to run its program, and I would not appreciate my providers telling us how to run our family.

Believe it or not, our son's teachers think we are wonderfully supportive, involved and committed to the ideals of their program. But, as the director of his daycare firmly said, "You pay us a lot of money to make sure your child is well-cared for, and if you ever have a doubt about that, we need to work that out so you are comfortable with us."

and, annette, I agree with you. Kids have different expectations all the time, and need to learn how to meet those different expectations, but if a provider and a family have such wildly different expectations that they are constantly undermining each other, maybe they aren't a great fit for each other.

And, I would *never* leave dirty dishes or laundry for a care provider to handle. I would want a nanny's attention to be 100% on my child, not my breakfast dishes or my dirty underwear!!

I agree with your post. I am sure the DCP would not approve of some of the things I did with DS in the evenings and at home, like cosleeping and BF. I'm sure it makes it harder for them to put DS down for a nap, but I'm not going to change those things to make it easier on them. Some things I will help them out with though if it doesn't go against my personal beliefs or philosophies.

[dawn1221]

I like to think I am one of the more considerate parents at preschool/daycare. Whenever I get a call about anything with my child, I show up to pick them up within 15 minutes (only because I work really to the school). I think the teachers and the director of the school love me. Mostly because they tell me they love me

Now DD was at another school until she was almost two. I had a few issues with them . First off, we put DD in overnight diapers to take her to school because she was the kind of kid that held her pee for 45 minutes after waking up then burst like a dam and peed straight through. After it happened a couple of times, we switched her to the overnight diapers for her first morning change.

A couple of times I left work early and picked her up. Mind you she is dropped off at 730am. So I get there at 1130am and she is overflowing in her overnight diaper (I know this because I never provided these diapers for her for changes). She had been having blistering rashes in the crotch area and I couldn't figure out why. They had a policy of only changing every two hours so when she would get that rash again, I would ask them to check and change her hourly until the rash would disappear. But it always came back.

When I spoke to the director about it, she totally blew me off. Then it happened again and I was pissed about it. I came to pick up DD and she was full of pee AND POOP and it was almost 12noon.

Then I was chastised (in writing) by the director of the school for reporting to her that I had witnessed a parent beating on their child in the parking lot. This was not a 3 or 4 year old but an 18 Month Old BABY. I didn't know what to do but to go straight to the director of the school. The next day I saw the kid being changed when I arrived at the school and noticed red welts on his legs. I asked the teacher if she was told by the director what I reported and the teacher said no. I then pointed out the welts and told her this was the area I had witnessed the parent striking the child.

The next thing I knew I was being called a trouble maker (for reporting the teachers not changing my child) and a gossip (for telling the teachers what I reported to the director so they could point out the welts and make a report of it).

Needless to say my DD did not attend another day of school there. I am still upset about the situation over a year later.

But DD is very happy with her new school so it must have been fate.

[phrogger]

Originally Posted by lucky_mia

I have a nanny several days a week while I work and I have done these things. I don't like to leave dishes in the sink or the toys a mess but this is my house and sometimes it is a mess. I do the best I can. This is our life. Many nights I have stayed up to clean so the house isn't a disaster for her but sometimes the best I can do is to make sure there is food in the fridge and coats and shoes where she can find them.

And yes I expect her to come when my kids are sick. That is one of the reasons I use a nanny, so I have the ability to still go into work when my kids are sick. Obviously if they are really sick I stay home but I will leave them with her even if I would not send them to a daycare in that condition because they can sit around the house all day or sleep or whatever. I don't care if she lets them sit on the couch and watch tv all day when they are sick. Also my DH works out of the house and he is around for back up, if she needs it.

I am forever grateful to her for helping us when my DD came home from a week in the hospital and brought a nasty gastro bug with her that we all caught. I absolutely could not care for my children who were both very sick and the fact that she was so good to us during that time has made me overlook a few of her faults. She even offered to do it without pay (which I wouldn't let her do).

While I am glad you have a nanny that is so willing to deal with sick kids, I hope you have the same curtisy for her if she gets sick. I always hated when I was a nanny that the mother expected me to watch her puking child (and she was a WAHM) but when I was sick and stuff was coming out of both ends she got upset that I couldnt' watch her child. WELL if your child didn't get me SICK I wouldn't have this problem. Not to mention, sick kids want their mommy, not me.

I now work in schools and it drives me insane when parents send their sick kids. Sick kid with special needs = horrible day for me, but I deal with it, it is only 6 hours. But when I was a nanny, sick kid at 12 hours was HORRIBLE, for me and the child.

When my baby is born I am going back to home daycare, and just a few of my biggest pet peeves from my daycare days were Late Pay, Late Parents, Parents who expected ME to raise their child, not just provide care while they were working (choosing NOT to be there with their kid, teachers were bad about it, I was willing to hold their spot while they were on vacation, but they wanted to pay and drop their kid off anyway, every day, not just maybe two days a week. Don't you want to spend time with YOUR kid?). Parents who are first time parents and act like because they have a high paying job, they know SO much more about parenting then I do. Lets not forget that this is MY job, I am an expert at my job and you might be an expert at YOUR job but lets work together so we are both experts on what your child NEEDS. And kids who wear fancy dresses and cant' play outside.

[lucky_mia]

Originally Posted by phrogger

While I am glad you have a nanny that is so willing to deal with sick kids, I hope you have the same curtisy for her if she gets sick. I always hated when I was a nanny that the mother expected me to watch her puking child (and she was a WAHM) but when I was sick and stuff was coming out of both ends she got upset that I couldnt' watch her child. WELL if your child didn't get me SICK I wouldn't have this problem. Not to mention, sick kids want their mommy, not me.

I now work in schools and it drives me insane when parents send their sick kids. Sick kid with special needs = horrible day for me, but I deal with it, it is only 6 hours. But when I was a nanny, sick kid at 12 hours was HORRIBLE, for me and the child.

I have never complained when she is out sick. I think I have been understanding and accomodating when she is out, even if it is the last minute. Life happens, cars break down, people get sick. I get that. I too would rather be with my sick child but I work for our health insurance and we can't do without it. I barely take home anything after I pay her. My DH works at home and he is perfectly capable of comforting a sick child and he doesn't hesitate to do so or even give her a break if they are being difficult on a regular. I never send them anywhere sick. I'd love to do it all myself when it comes to raising my children but I need my village and really I love that they have a close relationship with another adult. I really feel like she has enriched their lives.

[rivkah]

Voice of Reason?

OK, I know this thread started out innocently, but as a working parent, I am starting to take offense to some of these comments. :

I realize that we all need to vent about our jobs sometimes, but try Googling "Layoffs" and then see if perhaps you can be a little more forgiving of your employer.

[purplepaperclip]

Originally Posted by rivkah

OK, I know this thread started out innocently, but as a working parent, I am starting to take offense to some of these comments. :

I realize that we all need to vent about our jobs sometimes, but try Googling "Layoffs" and then see if perhaps you can be a little more forgiving of your employer.

Employer as in the mom's job or employer as in the childcare giver's employer? Cause if you are talking about childcare centers, parents are not the employers.

[phrogger]

Originally Posted by lucky_mia

I have never complained when she is out sick. I think I have been understanding and accomodating when she is out, even if it is the last minute. Life happens, cars break down, people get sick. I get that. I too would rather be with my sick child but I work for our health insurance and we can't do without it. I barely take home anything after I pay her. My DH works at home and he is perfectly capable of comforting a sick child and he doesn't hesitate to do so or even give her a break if they are being difficult on a regular. I never send them anywhere sick. I'd love to do it all myself when it comes to raising my children but I need my village and really I love that they have a close relationship with another adult. I really feel like she has enriched their lives.

I didn't realize your husband was home at times too. That is great. I just remember it being so horrible to be so mistreated and treated like nothing more then a disposible paid employee. If that makes sense.

When I had to work outside of the home and use daycare, man, that woman was a saint to me in many ways and I only wish I could have done more for her. I guess a lot of it is showing the appreciation for going above and beyond. Unfortuantly, that doesn't happen with many parents and you would think that caring for the your child, the most important person in your life would be a priority for parents, and by caring for them, that goes for making sure their care givers are happy and satisfied.

[rivkah]

Originally Posted by suebee79

Employer as in the mom's job or employer as in the childcare giver's employer? Cause if you are talking about childcare centers, parents are not the employers.

I seriously don't want to be argumentative here. I guess I should have said something to the effect of "see if you can be a little more forgiving regarding the conditions of your employment" or "the annoyances of your job."

The problem I have is that *some* of these comments, posted in this thread come off as extremely judgmental when working parents like to visit this board for support.

I think the OP was trying to be helpful, by asking "pet peeves," which I would define as persistent annoyances with someone else's behavior. Maybe OP was looking for one or two minor things she could change to make her DCP's job easier. But it has taken a nasty turn, and is even getting personal. I just don't think it is supportive anymore.

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by rivkah

OK, I know this thread started out innocently, but as a working parent, I am starting to take offense to some of these comments. :

I realize that we all need to vent about our jobs sometimes, but try Googling "Layoffs" and then see if perhaps you can be a little more forgiving of your employer.

Yeah really.

As a full time working mom who left work 3 times a day for a year to pump for my son, you can bet your ass I nursed him all night long and any time we were together. And no, he didn't like taking a bottle, why in the world would I push one on him and make my life extremely harder by pumping round the clock? My sitter at the time did get a couple bottles a day into him and he did take those fine. From her. He wouldn't take a bottle from me. Sorry, I just think expecting a mother who's pushed to her limits as it is to force her baby to take a bottle is a bit much. Most of us who work and pump, actually do enjoy putting the godforsaken pump down and actually nursing our babies.

I do understand its frustrating trying to get a hungry baby to take a bottle. I really really do. But do you seriously expect mom's to pump on the weekends and feed their babies bottles?

We use a small in home daycare that's great. We don't send extra clothes, because she provides them, but I always wash whatever my kid was sent home in and return it within a day or two. We pay on time, we provided diapers and wipes and now rice milk. I do go grocery shopping one day a week and pick my kid up later than normal, but its still about an hour before closing time.

I'm always shocked to hear these stories because I just can't imagine doing these things.

[purplepaperclip]

Originally Posted by rivkah

I seriously don't want to be argumentative here. I guess I should have said something to the effect of "see if you can be a little more forgiving regarding the conditions of your employment" or "the annoyances of your job."

The problem I have is that *some* of these comments, posted in this thread come off as extremely judgmental when working parents like to visit this board for support.

I think the OP was trying to be helpful, by asking "pet peeves," which I would define as persistent annoyances with someone else's behavior. Maybe OP was looking for one or two minor things she could change to make her DCP's job easier. But it has taken a nasty turn, and is even getting personal. I just don't think it is supportive anymore.

No, no. I get it. I just think that the mindset that "I pay tuition, therefor I am your boss" is part of the problem. I just wanted to be clear as to what you were talking about. Believe me, I have been on both ends. I've taught, I've done childcare administration, and I'm now a FT working mom. I have had issues will it ALL. LOL

[oceanwinds]

Originally Posted by hparsh

Since we're venting about parental behavior, I'd like to vent about my DCP. For the most part they are very good and loving, but I just wish they'd give me more feedback when I come to pick up DS. It's like pulling teeth getting them to give me details about his day. Are DCP's just too tired by the end of the day, or maybe they just don't like me? They have a little sheet that summarizes when he ate and had diaper changes, and they circle his mood for the day. I wish it was a requirement that they had to write at least one sentence of something my child did that day or anything of note.

I worked at a center that had those little sheets (we did have to add the little sentence at the bottom) and they were a pain in the butt! The only time we had to do them was during naptime. Naptime was also the only time we had to do lesson plans, cut out stuff, prepare snack for after naptime, any staff meetings, etc. In other words, it took up a lot of time.

Also, I doubt they don't like you. But the end of the day (just like the beginning) is not the best time to talk to parents. It is just too hectic with everyone coming and going. A quick "he had a good day" is a lot easier than going into details of everything he did that day, especially with a line of parents waiting for the same thing.

[luv-my-boys]

Originally Posted by spedteacher30

i have to be honest:

I have never understood why a provider cares what i am doing during the time I am paying for him/her to care for my child.

As long as I am not leaving my son in care for more hours than the contract (state) allows, and as long as he is picked up before the center closes, it isn't anyone's business what i am doing during that time.

I watch children in my home occassionaly as a licensed provider. And I agree, I could care less if your sitting at home sleeping! you paid me to watch your children and thats what Im doing.

[phrogger]

Originally Posted by hparsh

Since we're venting about parental behavior, I'd like to vent about my DCP. For the most part they are very good and loving, but I just wish they'd give me more feedback when I come to pick up DS. It's like pulling teeth getting them to give me details about his day. Are DCP's just too tired by the end of the day, or maybe they just don't like me? They have a little sheet that summarizes when he ate and had diaper changes, and they circle his mood for the day. I wish it was a requirement that they had to write at least one sentence of something my child did that day or anything of note.

I am glad you mentioned this. When I did daycare before I did the little sheets, but only having 3 kids made it easier. I only expect to have 3 or 4 kids so i will make sure I give as much detail as possible. Or even us email that I can do at night after my own children are in bed. Like a weekly summary. This would be only if I didn't have time when the parent came to pick up their child. Like if my infant and two other kids are crying and want food/attention etc. I hope the parents would understand that the kids come first and that their child is always first if another parent came in to pick up their kids.

[hparsh]

Originally Posted by oceanwinds

I worked at a center that had those little sheets (we did have to add the little sentence at the bottom) and they were a pain in the butt! The only time we had to do them was during naptime. Naptime was also the only time we had to do lesson plans, cut out stuff, prepare snack for after naptime, any staff meetings, etc. In other words, it took up a lot of time.

Also, I doubt they don't like you. But the end of the day (just like the beginning) is not the best time to talk to parents. It is just too hectic with everyone coming and going. A quick "he had a good day" is a lot easier than going into details of everything he did that day, especially with a line of parents waiting for the same thing.

That's good to hear that it's normal for them to be short at the end of the day. I guess I don't want an essay or anything about my son's day, but something... anything specific would be nice to read maybe a couple times a week if not every day, but I do understand daycares are hectic.


In response to the concerns about the turn this thread is taking, I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone. It was not my intent at all. I just wanted to hear from the "other side" because I view tmy DCP as a partner in raising my child, and if there was anything I could do to make their job easier or more fulfilling, I would do it in a heartbeat.