Child Care Provider Pet Peeves - Page 4

[rivkah]

Originally Posted by hparsh

In response to the concerns about the turn this thread is taking, I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone. It was not my intent at all. I just wanted to hear from the "other side" because I view tmy DCP as a partner in raising my child, and if there was anything I could do to make their job easier or more fulfilling, I would do it in a heartbeat.

No-no-no. I think you only had the best of intentions! I think some of the responses have taken a less-than-positive turn!

[Aubergine68]

II do home childcare and have usually had great parents. But I can sympathize with a lot of the peeves dcp have mentioned so far.

The childcare provider/parent relationship seems to work best ime when parents and providers have similar philosophies. I'm kind of crunchy and have learned to be upfront (even ostentatious) about that in interviews. If you don't like me putting your infant in my baby sling or feeding a variety of healthy food choices that might be unfamiliar to your toddler, my home won't be a good fit for either of us.

I feel it is part of my job to be supportive of parents, but I have felt resentful of parents who do physical discipline (spanking) at home, because I believe spanking is wrong. I've had kids seriously misbehave (hurt another child) and beg me not to tell daddy because "he'll give me a licking" . If I have families telling me in the initial interview to spank their kids for misbehavior, I know it is not going to work out.

Some families need really long childcare hours because they have insane work hours, shiftwork, single parents etc. -- that is tragic, a sign of a society that is unfriendly to families, but I don't feel peevish about it if I take families like this on. I have gotten on very well with sahms who need a day or two a week for a break -- often there is no family in town and dh works out of town or very long hours.

But I am AP enough to believe that it is important to make spending time with your children a priority as much as you can.

I looked after one family on a temporary basis in which mom and dad dropped off the moment I opened and came home 2 hours before I closed but NEVER picked up the children early. The children were in my care for 11 hours a day 5 days a week, because "we pay for the hours, so we use them". I was also told not to let the children nap because then they wouldn't be ready for bed at 7:30 pm. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and I couldn't bear doing that to a 2 year old

The children were lovely, but when the parents called me looking for full-time care, I never had the space. It wasn't that the long hours were such a lot of work, though they were, but I just couldn't fathom a family having the option of spending more than an hour of waking time with their kids on weekdays and not *wanting* to do so.

I really try to encourage and support extended breastfeeding, etc. I think it makes children happier and healthier and that makes my job easier, overall, even if I do have to rock a baby to sleep now and then. But my own dd was the nurse to sleep sort, and her dcp had the worst time getting her to nap, so if I have a difficult napper, I figure it's karma.

Maybe turning it around and asking what dcp like most about parents would be appropriate?

The best thing any parent could do for me is to have a smile for me in the morning and a kind word for any of my children who happen to be around at pickup and dropoff. The dhc and their parents are like extended family to my children and I so value parents who seem to feel the same way. Honestly, I will go a long way out of my way for any family who seems to truly respect me and what I do and who shows kindness to my own children.

I treasure cards and notes from parents that express genuine appreciation for the care I give their children.

Also , checking with me about bringing outside food in can be very important. I might not want a child to bring a box of dunkaroos to share for morning snack....even if I don't have a child in care with severe allergies, as I have had in the past.

[AsYouWish]

Originally Posted by ihugtrees

: I have been a nanny for several years now, and have had all of those scenarios. I refuse to work with at-home parents now because of those types of situations!! As for the routine being different on the weekends...that drives me CRAZY. Kids NEED routine. Not a schedule, or forced to do things when they don't want to. But every kid I have ever worked with does better when they know what to expect within reason. Do you think they would be cranky if they didn't need that? It's not about my convenience--it's about your CHILD. When you decide to have children, you decide to give up some things, and make some sacrifices. This means making sure that you bring a sling or a Pack N Play so that your kiddo can get a nap at the appropriate time.

Have you ever spent a weekend with small children before? A weekend that includes making the drive to Grandma's house, spending time hanging out with aunts and uncles and cousins, and maybe sending Junior off on a special trip to the park or the zoo for some one-on-one time with Grandpa? Do you realize that no matter how many slings or pack n plays you cart along and no matter how hard you try to get your child to sleep and recharge like normal, that it may never happen? That your child may be too excited by all of the goings-on taking place over the course of two days that he just might not sleep as well? And are you seriously contending that when the week starts over again on Monday, and Nanny is left with an overtired and cranky little boy, that it all boils down to those selfish parents who didn't make the appropriate sacrifices to give their child the sleep and routine that he needs? What is your expectation, for the family to wall themselves off from their loved ones for the first three years of Junior's life so that he will never, ever be tired on Monday morning? That the parents shouldn't be fostering the development of loving, attached relationships between their child and his grandparents because doing so might disrupt his routine a little bit? Really? And you expect us to believe that it's about the child's needs and not your own convenience?

Here's a slice of real life: I have 12 nieces and nephews; my four older sisters each have three children. When the family gets together (which requires at least a couple hours of driving for most of us) a lot of talking and visiting gets packed into two days. And it is very exciting for the kids! And a lot of the time, no matter how hard we would try to arrange it, the little ones just wouldn't nap as well as usual. And that's just how it goes. For my sisters and brothers-in-law (as I would think is true of most caring, devoted parents), making sure their kids experienced a happy family life that might include some fatigue was more important than being so absolute about sleep routines that it might prevent their kids from spending that time with family. And I'm sure they are so glad now that they took this approach. Our mom died in December after a long illness. All the kids -- all 12 of them -- have nothing but warm, wonderful memories of their Grandma and of all the happy, exciting, loving visits to Grandma & Grandpa's house spent with aunts and cousins. None of the kids has mentioned how bitter they are that sometimes they got a little tired and cranky after all of those busy weekends with the family.

I am so glad that my sisters and brothers-in-law, once back at home after those wonderful weekends, never had to deal with the Monday morning criticism and resentment of a DCP or nanny who was convinced that my nieces and nephews were purposefully sleep-deprived over the weekend in order to meet their parents' own selfish agenda.

:

[limabean]

The issue of how parents spend their time while their child is at daycare has been so interesting to read throughout this thread.

Some people have mentioned feeling sad that being with their kids isn't the parents' first priority once they're finished working, and I get that, and can understand feeling sad if it happened day after day.

But on the other hand, some remarks (like those about teachers continuing to use daycare during school breaks) seem so judgmental. It's okay for corporate parents' kids to be in daycare all year, but not teachers' kids? Maybe the teachers have other obligations during school breaks, or use that time to prepare for the upcoming school year, or even veg out a little!

It's just interesting to see the judgment surrounding these issues, and it's given me a lot to think about concerning my own thoughts on the issue.

[rivkah]

Originally Posted by limabean

But on the other hand, some remarks (like those about teachers continuing to use daycare during school breaks) seem so judgmental.

I've spent way too much time reading this thread today. : I have to say, I was really upset by the tone of many of the posters. These comments didn't make me any more sympathetic for child care providers, they made me feel attacked, and thus defensive. Though we have all encountered the mother whose children are her last priority, most working parents are doing the best they can. It astounds me the extent to which people believe that they can judge other people's actions and motivations.

[mysticmomma]

Originally Posted by 2lilsweetfoxes

For some families, that is the biggest catch-22. If mom or dad does not go to work because she/he stayed home with a sick kid, he/she doesn't get paid. But, they still have to pay their daycare provider. Or the employer basically tells the employee that they absolutely cannot miss work that day . And they have no back-up. Grandma lives either too far away or works full time. All their friends also work full time. Stay at home moms seem to get resentful when WOHM want to use them as backup--"I stayed home to raise MY children, not watch someone else's sick kid" (at least that's the impression I get from reading the SAHM forum) We need better policies in this country. All this family-friendly rhetoric--put your money where your mouth is!!!! (We're family friendly as long as business is not affected...)

I haven't read all the posts, but this is one of the reasons that MOST of the time I will take sick children. In my policies I request a phone call from a parent the morning of if the child is less than 75% well. I don't count colds.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon

People who get off of work early and then don't come get their child until closing time. It's nice if you want to do this once in a while, but teachers are people, too. We like to go home early sometimes, too.

People who come to pick up at 5:59 when we close at 6. And worse- the same people who let their child continue playing for a while, even though the teacher is waiting to go home.

I don't really understand this. Closing time is closing time, no? If you want parents to get their children at 5:30 and 6 is pushing it, why not change closing time to 5:30? When a daycare says "pick up your child by 6" I take that to mean "pick up your child by 6," not "pick up your child by 5:30."

And perhap one of my biggest of all, if you have schoolaged childrem and children in my daycare (and you don't work from home) and it's a school vacation, so you're home anyways, please don't send your little one in to school and keep the older ones at home. You're child is not a dummy. Your child knows that he/she is being send out of the house and your child knows that his/her older siblings get to stay home with you that day. 9 times out of 10, this will make for a miserable child all day long, and while I'm on the subject, when you're home anyways, because it's a holiday and you send your child to daycare, that doesn't mean that you should wait until the last possible moment to pick up your child. Children need to stay home and spend time with their family, as well, you know.

True, but the older ones may really need the one-on-one with the parents. Or the parents may have work to do from home which is possible with older children but not younger ones.

Originally Posted by cak1207

Changing nap times on the weekend. If your child is on a schedule and then you take him off I have to start over on Monday with a fussy cranky kid who is all off schedule. It's inconsiderate to me.

Often children who nap like a dream for their nannies, refuse to nap at all for their parents. Most parents really, really want their children to nap on schedule!

[mysticmomma]

Originally Posted by Siera

OMG, as a parent, I cannot believe that some parents do these things??!?!? I mean, poopy diapers from over night? Snickers for breakfast? dropping off sick? having to bathe kids? no clothes to change into? diapers? It just blows my mind. I absolutely LOVE DD's DC providers. The way I see it, they are doing me a HUGE favor by watching over her while I'm away! I see them as part of my extended family!! to all of you for providing an invaluable service, even if not everyone recognizes what you do!!

This is my relationship with the parents I care for. I'm probably as picky about the parents as parents are about choosing a dcp.

[lolar2]

Oh, harleyhalfmoon, I just looked at your location and saw you're in the northeast. I think I see what you mean now. There are a number of northeastern businesses where "closing time" refers to the time that the employees expect to go home, so customers are expected to come in no later than half an hour before then. In other parts of the country, "closing time" means the end of the time customers come in, so employees expect to go home by half an hour after closing time.

So if you have a national chain, let's say Borders decides they want all their employees to leave at 11 p.m. nationwide; their northeastern stores would be likely to post a closing time of 11 p.m., and the stores in the rest of the country would post a closing time of 10:30 p.m. Is it possible some of your daycare parents are from other parts of the country where the practice is different from in the northeast?

[annettemarie]

I'm sorry some mamas feel this took a bad turn, and I apologize if I contributed in any way.

When I was working, there always seemed to be this inevitable tension between child care providers and parents. Kind of like the inevitable tension between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. I know there are exceptions, but maybe they just prove the rule.

[lolar2]

Actually we haven't had problems (that I know of, who knows what DS's DCP are saying behind my back now that I've read this thread!).

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by limabean

But on the other hand, some remarks (like those about teachers continuing to use daycare during school breaks) seem so judgmental. It's okay for corporate parents' kids to be in daycare all year, but not teachers' kids? Maybe the teachers have other obligations during school breaks, or use that time to prepare for the upcoming school year, or even veg out a little!

Coming from someone who works in a daycare, where a couple of our parents are teachers, I'd rather a parent continue to send their child to daycare even on school holidays. It keeps kiddo in a routine and is soooo much easier than when parent takes kid out of daycare for 2-3 weeks over Christmas break. The kiddo doesn't have to go through the re-adjustment over and over again.

We also have a teacher parent who compromises and on vacations they send kiddo to daycare 2-3 days a week and keeps them home the other days. This works too.

Originally Posted by lolar2

Oh, harleyhalfmoon, I just looked at your location and saw you're in the northeast. I think I see what you mean now. There are a number of northeastern businesses where "closing time" refers to the time that the employees expect to go home, so customers are expected to come in no later than half an hour before then. In other parts of the country, "closing time" means the end of the time customers come in, so employees expect to go home by half an hour after closing time.

I honestly have never heard of this. In our daycare we close (as in you better have your kid out the door) at 6:00. Teachers aren't paid a penny for anytime spent in the daycare after 6:00. If a parent is late and I have to charge a late fee (which is $10 for anytime between 6:01 and 6:10 plus an additional $2 for every minute after 6:10), that money gets divided equally among all employees who stayed late. While I do appreciate that most of our parents pick up kiddos on most days by 5:30, there's usually a handful who pick up right at 6:00. The problem with this is I still have to clean and sanitize everything. I can usually do this before the last kiddo is picked up, but then I've gotten nasty comments by parents who seem to think I should have little Johnny engrossed in some playdough project (or other equally messy thing) until the minute they pick them up (at 5:59). Not cool. I don't get paid to stay late. If you pick your kid up at 5:50 or later, expect them to be sitting at a table or on the floor talking to me or another teacher. If it's 5:55 or later I'll probably even have their coat on them.

Just a couple weeks ago we had a parent who was over 30 minutes late FOR NO REASON. I, along with a couple other employees, had to stay until she finally managed to pick the kids (3 of them) up WHILE entertaining them (and my ds and another employees 2 kids), without knowing when the heck she would get there to pick them up (she called at 5:55 saying she'd be there by 6:05, she got there after 6:30).

To make matters worse- that was my fiance's birthday. I hadn't seen him all day (I had to work 9-6 that day). We had dinner plans for his birthday dinner that ds and I were late for. While dp wasn't angry or upset at all, I was. It's not fair for a parent to come pick up a child late, making me late for everything I plan for after work. And then, of course, when she picked up the kids and I told her how much the late fee was she got upset and started yelling at me. In front of her, other employees and MY kids.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Oh, harleyhalfmoon, I just looked at your location and saw you're in the northeast. I think I see what you mean now. There are a number of northeastern businesses where "closing time" refers to the time that the employees expect to go home, so customers are expected to come in no later than half an hour before then. In other parts of the country, "closing time" means the end of the time customers come in, so employees expect to go home by half an hour after closing time.

So if you have a national chain, let's say Borders decides they want all their employees to leave at 11 p.m. nationwide; their northeastern stores would be likely to post a closing time of 11 p.m., and the stores in the rest of the country would post a closing time of 10:30 p.m. Is it possible some of your daycare parents are from other parts of the country where the practice is different from in the northeast?

Some or our parents come from different parts of the country or from different countries altogether, but it is listed in the parent handbook that our doors close at 6 pm, all the children are expected to be gone and the teachers leave (and don't get paid past closing time) at 6pm.

[Aubergine68]

Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon

Some or our parents come from different parts of the country or from different countries altogether, but it is listed in the parent handbook that our doors close at 6 pm, all the children are expected to be gone and the teachers leave (and don't get paid past closing time) at 6pm.

This was standard with daycares when my dd was in daycares in Toronto, too.

The problem with someone coming through the door at 5:59 is that transitioning a child through a pickup takes a little longer than 1 minute, usually, and that leaves staff members having to stick around for 5, 10 , even 15 min longer than they are being paid for.

I follow the plan of writing a closing time into my contract that is half an hour earlier than I need to have everyone out of my doors. I don't tell parents this, but it means that I can have a slightly late pickup, or a few minutes of conversation with the parent of a child about the day they've had, without me stressing out about lateness.

[lucky_mia]

Originally Posted by limabean

The issue of how parents spend their time while their child is at daycare has been so interesting to read throughout this thread.

Some people have mentioned feeling sad that being with their kids isn't the parents' first priority once they're finished working, and I get that, and can understand feeling sad if it happened day after day.

But on the other hand, some remarks (like those about teachers continuing to use daycare during school breaks) seem so judgmental. It's okay for corporate parents' kids to be in daycare all year, but not teachers' kids? Maybe the teachers have other obligations during school breaks, or use that time to prepare for the upcoming school year, or even veg out a little!

It's just interesting to see the judgment surrounding these issues, and it's given me a lot to think about concerning my own thoughts on the issue.

I hear you. I work p/t at a school and the I can't tell you how I look forward to the 6 vacation days a year when I have my nanny but I don't have to work. I look foward to those days for months so I can do things like get my hair cut, clean my closet, or just go food shopping without the kids. I hate to think that I am resented for doing so.

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I'm sorry some mamas feel this took a bad turn, and I apologize if I contributed in any way.

Same here : I did not mean to offend anybody.

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon

And perhap one of my biggest of all, if you have schoolaged childrem and children in my daycare (and you don't work from home) and it's a school vacation, so you're home anyways, please don't send your little one in to school and keep the older ones at home. You're child is not a dummy. Your child knows that he/she is being send out of the house and your child knows that his/her older siblings get to stay home with you that day. 9 times out of 10, this will make for a miserable child all day long, and while I'm on the subject, when you're home anyways, because it's a holiday and you send your child to daycare, that doesn't mean that you should wait until the last possible moment to pick up your child. Children need to stay home and spend time with their family, as well, you know.

This is interesting for me to read because when my 17 yo is home on vacation I do send my 3.5 yo to daycare, as you can imagine having kids who are almost 14 years apart does not make it easy to have many shared activities. For me since the younger one gets the bulk of my time, I look forward to vacation days when I can hang with my eldest.


My youngest knows that I hang out with her brother but I do explain that just as she & I have special times, its a special time for me to hang out with her brother. I would hate to think that my DCP thought ill of me for making time for my child .

I know personally it is hard to juggle kids who are at vastly differeny ages and have them both feel they are getting quality time with me.

Shay

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by Aubergine68

This was standard with daycares when my dd was in daycares in Toronto, too.

The problem with someone coming through the door at 5:59 is that transitioning a child through a pickup takes a little longer than 1 minute, usually, and that leaves staff members having to stick around for 5, 10 , even 15 min longer than they are being paid for.

I follow the plan of writing a closing time into my contract that is half an hour earlier than I need to have everyone out of my doors. I don't tell parents this, but it means that I can have a slightly late pickup, or a few minutes of conversation with the parent of a child about the day they've had, without me stressing out about lateness.

So is it a general daycare culture thing that the real "closing time" is actually earlier than the stated closing time? A couple of times I've rushed in the door at 5:55, apologetically, and the teacher told me, "Oh don't worry, we don't close until 6. You're fine." But that is unusual? I'm just trying to wrap my head around the idea that picking a child up at or just before closing time, is actually considered late by a number of you. I don't get why the center allows it if it isn't really acceptable. Or is it a disagreement between the employees and the directors?

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by lolar2

So is it a general daycare culture thing that the real "closing time" is actually earlier than the stated closing time? A couple of times I've rushed in the door at 5:55, apologetically, and the teacher told me, "Oh don't worry, we don't close until 6. You're fine." But that is unusual? I'm just trying to wrap my head around the idea that picking a child up at or just before closing time, is actually considered late by a number of you. I don't get why the center allows it if it isn't really acceptable. Or is it a disagreement between the employees and the directors?

I am equally confused. If the daycare workers, quite reasonably it seems to me, need a few minutes to button things up, shouldn't then "pick-up time" and "employees are walking out the door time" be two very separate, explicitly stated things? If I were given 6pm as the end time (calling it whatever - closing time, pickup time, etc.), I would think that I should pick up my kid by 6, not by 5:45 or 5:30. I'm confused by the semantics here, and think many parents may understand something different from what the providers intend.

[katheek77]

Wow.

I'm feeling really lucky. I work as a nanny. Yes, sometimes Mom (who WAH) runs out to run errands, and she'll ask if it's okay for me to stay until 530 or something. Frankly, having a kid of my own, I get it that she wants to run errands for 2 hours with no kids versus the same errands taking 4 hours with 3 kids. She always asks, anyway, and I try to let her know ahead of time if I have other commitments (I do evening babysitting at our church sometimes, etc). At the same time, she told me today not to come (the weather/roads were HORRIBLE), and I'll just go tomorrow to make up those hours. She has let me go earlier/come in later when weather was bad before, as well (I have worked for her since '05, with a break after DD was born). I have come in earlier/extra days for her when she needed it, as well.

The house is generally clean. I unload/load the dishwasher throughout the day, and if the kids are engaged in something, I'll run a vacuum, straighten up the closets, fold some laundry. But there are days none of that gets done (we're out of the house, or the kids have a lot of homework, or some combination of both). I run errands for her when she needs it and I have time in the day.

Mom "defers" to my decisions when I'm there...as in, if the kids ask her something while she's in the kitchen or something, 9/10 she says "K's in charge. It's up to her". I'm stricter than she is, but, her kids have a very finely tuned sense of what will fly depending on who is "on".

She almost always leaves it up to me what we're doing on a particular day. Whether it's a trip to the museum, a jaunt to the library, etc. I am not micro-managed. At the same time, I always keep her abreast of what we've been doing.

I do think I'd go insane in a day care center, though, just from the lack of autonomy.