I've been working on what has been said here, and talking with my hubby, and thinking and feeling, and talked today with a wonderful woman/friend/ mother of 4 & Grandmother of 6 or so and feel like I've got a better view now. Now I wish I had put my two threads on one, but such is life.
The Child daycare issue is not so easy, and this will have to be worked on a bit, you see, for where I live - the place ds is going is the best. I spent a lot of time checking them out. As well, it is the catholic daycare, and I was the chairperson of the ecumenical council at the time I stared ds, and am now a representative to the next level up .. . POLITICS!
We have an appt. Tuesday to talk with David's Teacher (I'm afraid I don't know what they are called in English, I've only used the German word lately and have forgotten the english word - if I ever knew it - senility is a terribile thing).
Anyway, things have been highly stressful for us for a long time - and we are making plans to leave here sooner than planned. I've downscheduled, but the burn out was so deep by the time I finally got a chance to catch my breath, that I'm still suffering although I'm not that busy. During stress, it is "easier" to just insist that the child obey rather than offer a positive option, or redirect, or explain - and I think ds has learned that he is good when he makes no mistakes - spills nothing, does nothing naughty, etc. . . and my husband and I both have been guilty of this. My poor dear son. So, he acts out. We really do know better, and try not to do these things, but . .. oh well, there is no good "but".
I am also confused by the childcare stuff. I feel as though ever since I've sent him there, I've been trying to prepare David so he'll fit in better - so I've been parenting him for the daycare program, and having to jerk around my priorities. It seems like I am letting them dictate my relationship. For example, at home, if and when he falls asleep for a nap, it is usually around 3pm. I've tried earlier and he lays there, wide awake (usually singing to himself). There, they eat lunch at 11:30, and nap is 12:00. David is not tired - doesn't sleep - and I get stern looks, "Frau . . . your son did not sleep again today!" I freak out! Oh dear, I want ds to be "good" I want ds to be loved - he is such a joy - he is so funny and full of life (unlike the other good little children here who all look half brain dead already because their individuality has been suffocated from birth) Sorry - that was an uncalled for outburst . . . My point is I am realizing I am trying to get ds to fit into a place - rather than giving him room to develop. HIs pediatrician is a homeopathic trained physician and she is just in love with ds! And he in her - and I in her! She asked how ds is doing in daycare and I said that I'm not really sure, but I guess they don't really like children who have their own ideas, which is exactly why we both love David so - my wonderful Beloved is unique charming, and funny.
But lately he hasn't been, because it has been too much for him lately. Also - it ain't easy for ds, being a PK. And that is why I came here. I guess I needed an anonymous place where I could get some perspective. Trying to explain it all to you forces me to do some "journaling" and is even better - because I get some guidance as well.
I have also been afraid that the effects of our poor parenting phase will be permanent - but today, alone, we started to return to normal in our parenting, and my Beloved has been showing signs of healing. We have a bit to go, but I believe it is possible to reverse some negative trends. Oh how terrifying to think we've caused a permanent damage. My second greatest fear (after ds dying) is that I would be responsible for some blockage in his healthy growth process. well, I've rambled enough time to respond to the other link.