I considered posting this as a reply in the "Talking Dirty" thread, but decided to make it a new thread for a few reasons, A) I don't believe one really needs to read that entire thread to understand my point, B) because this is not aimed at anyone specific within that thread, but rather an argument against a widespread mentality, C) posting new threads gives me a sense of power, and (the most important reason by far) D) this is one more step on my road to "Princess Post-A-Lot" status.
I would first like to ackowledge the fact that this is generally understood to be a 'support' forum, and this thread is neither asking for personal support nor giving support to another.
However, I am asking for support... support for teens worldwide, to be assisted, rather than hindered, in their own quest for support and understanding through the net... a quest not unlike that which brought all of you here.
Those of you who have read the "DD Talking Dirty" thread (and I recommend it, if only to see me posting a lot
) will remember a prevalent idea. It states that the Internet might be safe, or at least an acceptable risk (due to the abundance of knowledge and how readily available means for censorship are), but the real-time communication medium known collectively as "Chat Rooms" is another story altogether. I have dubbed this irrational fear: ChatRoom Anxiety & Paranoia, hereafter referred to as CRAP.
Those who have read the afore-mentioned thread will likely also remember the fact that I took exception to such a belief, and put forth my reasons. Why, then, am I posting here? Is it because I have nothing better to do? Well, yes. Do I want to beat a dead horse? Almost certainly. But there is more to it than that. First of all, I did not cover several important points. Second, those points I did cover were scattered throughout my other opinions, specifically opinions about teens and sex.
For the reasons above, I hereby present my comprehensive (to me, anyway) argument against the CRAP mentality. Before reading, I suggest grabbing a snack and blinking repeatedly. This is a lengthy one.
I will attempt to refute or minimize the popular myths surrounding chat rooms in a straightforward list, since I am far too lazy to present it in a snazzy essay format.
1) Talking in Chat Rooms is 'dangerous'
By far the most prevalent theory in the CRAP belief structure, this idea postulates that 'perverts' patrol chatrooms, looking for teens to prey on. This is most definitely the subject I checked in on the most in the previous thread, but I will present all of those points (and maybe more!) in one section, here, for ease of reading.
1a) Teenage Intelligence: Perhaps the most overlooked reason the danger of chatrooms is minimal is simply the intelligence of teenagers. Most computer-using teenagers are well aware that rapists exist, and, like anyone, have access to the net.
A common stereotype of the computer age is the computer savvy teen and clueless parent... this may be an exaggeration, but it is an exaggeration of a simple statistic fact. Most teens know of the dangers of the net, and it is likely that those few who don't either A) also have no interest, or B) could be enlightened by a few informative words from a parent.
Statistics show that the greatest danger age is 11-14.
(800-suspected-internet-related child abductions in 1998. This fact is taken from the internet protection company Symantec, however, and so is somewhat suspect. The real figure may be lower)
Statistics of missing children, from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, NCIC, are as follows:
Juvenile….. 801,332. This, however, includes things like runaways.
Endangered .106,332, counting most abductions, including ones by parents and such.
and... Involuntary .33,908 cases... this refers to blatant kidnappings.
800 may have sounded high, but when compared to the other statistics it seems somewhat.... lacking
The reason younger teens and preteens are more at risk is, of course, that younger teens are less likely to take as many precautions as older teens. Does this mean they should be banned, and older teens let free? Certainly not. Does this mean their parents should take more interest in what their child is doing online? Yes. Does this mean their parents should discuss safe internet behavior with their child before they reach the 'danger age' of 11? Yes!
1b) Perv Prevalence: While chatroom predators are the frequent subjects of magazine articles and horror stories, their actual prevalence is questionable. I just spent several hours entering every possible keyword into google, from internet-related to rape to predator... and got a slew of sites. But not a single one, including government sites about the Child Protection Act, posted a single statistic....a solid number on just how many net predators are even suspected to be out there.
I wonder why....
Since I have been unable to find facts regarding Perv Prevalence, I will take the coward's way out and challenge you to find evidence, actual numerical fact, that supports the CRAP claim of internet rapists being more prevalent than, say, in-person stranger-rapists. (relatively infrequent... rape by someone you know is, statistically, the most likely. Rape by a spouse comes in a close second.)
1c) The "Virtual Factor": The simple fact that rapists can't reach through a screen and abduct your teenager. There are no doubt the occasional cracker rapists, who could perform sophisticated technical maneuvers to discern the identity of your teen... but restricting chatroom access in such a situation is somewhat akin to forbidding a teen from taking a shower, for fear they might slip on a bar of soap.
Barring crackers, what threat do net rapists truly pose? Verbal abuse or heckling may be a possibility... but it's also a possibility when doing anything that involves human interaction.
All that remains is the fear that your teen might unwittingly go to meet a rapist. This, first of all, ties into 1a: your teen is likely smart enough to take precautions. If you fear your teen lacks the foresight to plan, then I suggest you talk to your teen about the dangers of meeting someone in person. If he or she wants to meet someone in person, it is your duty as a parent to know this, and help take precautions. It is not your duty to forbid them from meeting anyone, nor your right.
2) Net relationships don't do any good.
This seems to be the less prevalent CRAP belief, at least on these boards, but it requires addressing because it is even more flawed than the danger beliefs, and it has come up.
I will address this with one primary argument and, if I get around to it, some secondaries.
2a) The Hypocrisy Syndrome
Where are we? Unless I'm quite blind, we are communicating in a public forum. And, again, I could be wrong, but I suspect that this forum is designed as a support network, through which you can speak with other mothers and garner advice and simple kind words from people you have never met.
I have several times seen people belittle chatrooms in one breath, then speak of how wonderful their comrades in Mothering are in the next. Does this strike no one as hypocritical? If the friendships you've made in this forum are valid (and I think they most definitely are), then why are the friendships your children make automatically suspect? Automatically dismissed as dangerous, frivolous, or fake? Why is it likely that the people they meet would be predators, but unlikely that those here would have anything but good intentions?
Or is it the real-time aspect? So none of you would like to speak with your friends here in real time? I find that hard to believe.
I find it ironic that those of CRAP mentality would come to an internet forum, to say that teens should under no circumstances be allowed to participate in internet forums.
2b)My own Experiences: These, of course, are not valid as arguments. But I needed to have another subset of 2.
I have made easily 100 friends on the internet, in various forums. These forums have ranged from net-gaming platforms (such as Myth: The Fallen Lords, and Diablo 2), to open chatrooms (a D&D server and an LotR forum, to name a few), to private communicae (specifically: ICQ and AIM), to Message Boards (already made a few here
).
have met, I'd guess, about 15 of my net friends in person, if that. Some of my closest relationships, which have spanned some 4-5 years, have never actually involved in-person communication. However, I would bet my life on their identity. There is no doubt in my mind. I know too much about them, have spoken about too many random inanities, and, for the most part, spoken on the phone. I do not think my experiences are abnormal. I also think that my life would not be nearly as happy as it is if I did not have those friends.
3) The Mechanics of it All
It is important to note the mechanics of an internet relationship. Teenage Chatrooms may well hold occasional perverts... but what about private AIM chats with people who, like the above (2b), are known quite well by your teen? What about chat in a net gaming situation? Few people buy video games and spend time on them to lure kids, because more than half the people playin the game are young men anyway. Chat can occur in a variety of places, and banning it indiscriminately is likely not a very good idea.
For these reasons, I believe that attempting to in any way hinder a child's access to chat rooms, rather than assist and inform, to be a decision based upon CRAP. I hope that this list has swept away some, if not all, of your CRAP.
I thank you all for coming this far, and wish you well in all your endeavors, or at least the ones I agree with
I would first like to ackowledge the fact that this is generally understood to be a 'support' forum, and this thread is neither asking for personal support nor giving support to another.
However, I am asking for support... support for teens worldwide, to be assisted, rather than hindered, in their own quest for support and understanding through the net... a quest not unlike that which brought all of you here.
Those of you who have read the "DD Talking Dirty" thread (and I recommend it, if only to see me posting a lot
) will remember a prevalent idea. It states that the Internet might be safe, or at least an acceptable risk (due to the abundance of knowledge and how readily available means for censorship are), but the real-time communication medium known collectively as "Chat Rooms" is another story altogether. I have dubbed this irrational fear: ChatRoom Anxiety & Paranoia, hereafter referred to as CRAP.Those who have read the afore-mentioned thread will likely also remember the fact that I took exception to such a belief, and put forth my reasons. Why, then, am I posting here? Is it because I have nothing better to do? Well, yes. Do I want to beat a dead horse? Almost certainly. But there is more to it than that. First of all, I did not cover several important points. Second, those points I did cover were scattered throughout my other opinions, specifically opinions about teens and sex.
For the reasons above, I hereby present my comprehensive (to me, anyway) argument against the CRAP mentality. Before reading, I suggest grabbing a snack and blinking repeatedly. This is a lengthy one.
I will attempt to refute or minimize the popular myths surrounding chat rooms in a straightforward list, since I am far too lazy to present it in a snazzy essay format.
1) Talking in Chat Rooms is 'dangerous'
By far the most prevalent theory in the CRAP belief structure, this idea postulates that 'perverts' patrol chatrooms, looking for teens to prey on. This is most definitely the subject I checked in on the most in the previous thread, but I will present all of those points (and maybe more!) in one section, here, for ease of reading.
1a) Teenage Intelligence: Perhaps the most overlooked reason the danger of chatrooms is minimal is simply the intelligence of teenagers. Most computer-using teenagers are well aware that rapists exist, and, like anyone, have access to the net.
A common stereotype of the computer age is the computer savvy teen and clueless parent... this may be an exaggeration, but it is an exaggeration of a simple statistic fact. Most teens know of the dangers of the net, and it is likely that those few who don't either A) also have no interest, or B) could be enlightened by a few informative words from a parent.
Statistics show that the greatest danger age is 11-14.
(800-suspected-internet-related child abductions in 1998. This fact is taken from the internet protection company Symantec, however, and so is somewhat suspect. The real figure may be lower)
Statistics of missing children, from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, NCIC, are as follows:
Juvenile….. 801,332. This, however, includes things like runaways.
Endangered .106,332, counting most abductions, including ones by parents and such.
and... Involuntary .33,908 cases... this refers to blatant kidnappings.
800 may have sounded high, but when compared to the other statistics it seems somewhat.... lacking
The reason younger teens and preteens are more at risk is, of course, that younger teens are less likely to take as many precautions as older teens. Does this mean they should be banned, and older teens let free? Certainly not. Does this mean their parents should take more interest in what their child is doing online? Yes. Does this mean their parents should discuss safe internet behavior with their child before they reach the 'danger age' of 11? Yes!
1b) Perv Prevalence: While chatroom predators are the frequent subjects of magazine articles and horror stories, their actual prevalence is questionable. I just spent several hours entering every possible keyword into google, from internet-related to rape to predator... and got a slew of sites. But not a single one, including government sites about the Child Protection Act, posted a single statistic....a solid number on just how many net predators are even suspected to be out there.
I wonder why....
Since I have been unable to find facts regarding Perv Prevalence, I will take the coward's way out and challenge you to find evidence, actual numerical fact, that supports the CRAP claim of internet rapists being more prevalent than, say, in-person stranger-rapists. (relatively infrequent... rape by someone you know is, statistically, the most likely. Rape by a spouse comes in a close second.)
1c) The "Virtual Factor": The simple fact that rapists can't reach through a screen and abduct your teenager. There are no doubt the occasional cracker rapists, who could perform sophisticated technical maneuvers to discern the identity of your teen... but restricting chatroom access in such a situation is somewhat akin to forbidding a teen from taking a shower, for fear they might slip on a bar of soap.
Barring crackers, what threat do net rapists truly pose? Verbal abuse or heckling may be a possibility... but it's also a possibility when doing anything that involves human interaction.
All that remains is the fear that your teen might unwittingly go to meet a rapist. This, first of all, ties into 1a: your teen is likely smart enough to take precautions. If you fear your teen lacks the foresight to plan, then I suggest you talk to your teen about the dangers of meeting someone in person. If he or she wants to meet someone in person, it is your duty as a parent to know this, and help take precautions. It is not your duty to forbid them from meeting anyone, nor your right.
2) Net relationships don't do any good.
This seems to be the less prevalent CRAP belief, at least on these boards, but it requires addressing because it is even more flawed than the danger beliefs, and it has come up.
I will address this with one primary argument and, if I get around to it, some secondaries.
2a) The Hypocrisy Syndrome
Where are we? Unless I'm quite blind, we are communicating in a public forum. And, again, I could be wrong, but I suspect that this forum is designed as a support network, through which you can speak with other mothers and garner advice and simple kind words from people you have never met.
I have several times seen people belittle chatrooms in one breath, then speak of how wonderful their comrades in Mothering are in the next. Does this strike no one as hypocritical? If the friendships you've made in this forum are valid (and I think they most definitely are), then why are the friendships your children make automatically suspect? Automatically dismissed as dangerous, frivolous, or fake? Why is it likely that the people they meet would be predators, but unlikely that those here would have anything but good intentions?
Or is it the real-time aspect? So none of you would like to speak with your friends here in real time? I find that hard to believe.
I find it ironic that those of CRAP mentality would come to an internet forum, to say that teens should under no circumstances be allowed to participate in internet forums.
2b)My own Experiences: These, of course, are not valid as arguments. But I needed to have another subset of 2
.I have made easily 100 friends on the internet, in various forums. These forums have ranged from net-gaming platforms (such as Myth: The Fallen Lords, and Diablo 2), to open chatrooms (a D&D server and an LotR forum, to name a few), to private communicae (specifically: ICQ and AIM), to Message Boards (already made a few here
). have met, I'd guess, about 15 of my net friends in person, if that. Some of my closest relationships, which have spanned some 4-5 years, have never actually involved in-person communication. However, I would bet my life on their identity. There is no doubt in my mind. I know too much about them, have spoken about too many random inanities, and, for the most part, spoken on the phone. I do not think my experiences are abnormal. I also think that my life would not be nearly as happy as it is if I did not have those friends.
3) The Mechanics of it All
It is important to note the mechanics of an internet relationship. Teenage Chatrooms may well hold occasional perverts... but what about private AIM chats with people who, like the above (2b), are known quite well by your teen? What about chat in a net gaming situation? Few people buy video games and spend time on them to lure kids, because more than half the people playin the game are young men anyway. Chat can occur in a variety of places, and banning it indiscriminately is likely not a very good idea.
For these reasons, I believe that attempting to in any way hinder a child's access to chat rooms, rather than assist and inform, to be a decision based upon CRAP. I hope that this list has swept away some, if not all, of your CRAP.
I thank you all for coming this far, and wish you well in all your endeavors, or at least the ones I agree with
. See my response above about the religious issue.
Follow Mothering