If you already had kids, where were they during the hb?

[RobynFL]

I think this is my greatest concern right now in considering a hb for this baby (#3). I have a ds who will be 4 and a dd who will be 2 when this one arrives sometime in June. We don't have many folks that could drop everything to come watch them when labor starts. I talked it over with the m/w, and she was very "it will all work out" and said that many times you have the baby before the others wake up. (If only dd slept better )

I'm ok with them seeing the birth and would encourage it, but I'm not sure how they would take it. I'm also not sure if I would feel overly cautious trying to protect them from seeing me in pain.

Any btdt stories, recommendations?

[annekh23]

Look at it the other way around, if you don't have anyone to watch them, at least at home, you'd have a chance of them being asleep, or watching a video, or whatever, if you were headed to the hospital, there is a chance you'd have to go alone, leaving your DH to watch the kids, even if they were fast asleep in bed. Our bodies are not stupid, left to their own devices they are much more likely to labour at night than any other time.

[Romana]

My almost 2 yo had not yet developed a sense of empathy, so it was not a problem at all for her to be there. She thought the noises I made were funny and the birth pool was fun to toss tissues into. She was great and not upset by anything. She actually watched quietly for the (pretty short) pushing phase and then wanted to come right in and meet her new baby brother.

It was a completely positive experience and she didn't need anyone to take care of her (aside from what dh was already doing). I would definitely plan to have a doula or other support person who is there to be their support (or switch out with your dh when needed - that was our plan), but things do have a way of working out. We called too late and the doula arrived after the baby was born. Not a problem for us.

We also had a backup plan that MIL would come pick dd up if she was really upset by what was going on or we needed to transfer, but everything was fine so we didn't need to go that route.

In order for me to be comfortable laboring, I had to have support/backup plans in place for dd just in case it didn't work out. I would encourage you to try to figure something out, even if just for peace of mind. It was just fine with me that we ended up not needing any help with dd! And it was great to have the doula there afterwards to help keep dd entertained while the baby and I were examined and we all talked to the midwife about the birth (she missed it . . . I called too late).

[kathan12904]

My very light sleeping dd slept through the whole thing. I was dissappointed because I wanted her to see the birth so that she would have that memory when she grew up and had babies. I agree with your mw's "it'll all work out" philosophy. The kids can usually sense when something important is going on and will act differently. I wouldn't worry about shielding them from your "pain". Labor pain isn't the out of control, dangerous pain that comes from sickness and injury and I think your kids will pick up on that too. If you'll have the midwife there, dh can always tend to them if they are extra needy. And as the pp said, at home there is always videos and favorite toys. Plus, seeing your little ones should boost your oxytocin production.

[Niamh]

Both homebirths my older children slept right through it.

That was unexpected on the first one because I came back into the bedroom to get a clean pair of pants (my water broke), put them on, a contraction hit, I landed on the bed moaning, right beside my daughter and she just kept snoring.

The second one was with two young kids, one a *very* light sleeper and she also slept through it.



We had emergency care lined up in case there was an unexpected hospital trip.

[alegna]

Dd stayed up all night while I was in labor. Slept a bit in the early morning. Then she woke up in plenty of time for the birth. She was right there and it didn't phase her at all.

-Angela

[HappyMommy2]

I'm so glad that we had planned to take our DS (22mo) to his caregiver's house. She was a grandma figure to him and watched him while I worked, so he knew her and was totally comfortable.

I went into labor at noon and had an extremely intense 6 hour labor. My pain "medication" was loudlly moaning and then kind of screaming the F word. It would have been very scary for my little man. I appreciated being free to do whatever felt right. I was SO glad he wasn't there.

[DahliaRW]

I had my sister and mom watching ds1 downstairs (bringing him up to visit) when I had ds2. Plan to do the same this time. My neices were here too (3 1/2 and 7 months at the time). I'm lucky that we have a huge master, so I had the birth pool set up in there and we could close the door for privacy. Ds1 will be 4 and ds2 will be 2 when this one is born and I plan to do the same. They don't have the cultural idea that birth is painful like we do, and at least last time ds1 didn't have a clue. We just talked about how sometimes Mommy's have to make loud noises or wince etc etc to help the baby out. It was a suitable enough explanation for him.

That being said, he was a bit apprehensive knowing that something was going on. My sister said he would hardly eat and such during the day (but it may have been the anticipation of what having a baby meant, not necessarily me being in labor, or just the unusual situation). After I had ds2 he ate and went back to normal.

[Jana315]

Though we had people on stand by to watch oldest dd, thank goodness, she slept through the entire thing (all 3.5 hours of it! ha, ha.) I labored from midnight until 3:20 or so in the AM, so the timing was perfect. She woke up at her normal time, 7 am, and walked down the stairs to meet her baby sister. It was REALLY cute.

Going into it, I was okay with her watching, if she was there anyway, but it turned out that it was pretty intense & I think that it would have scared her quite a bit to see Mommy working so hard to get her baby sister out.

Jana

[AugustLia23]

With my UC, my water broke early tuesday morning, I worked that day(was a PP doula, spend the day sitting and holding a sweet baby girl), then by wednesday, our friends knew my water had broken, so the co-op that my oldest was going to welcomed my middle son, which left us alone from 8:30-2:30, then afterwards we had them, but I was still able to go about my business and labored mostly from 4pm-midnight.

We had previously told them what they might experience from my labor, so they were not concerned at all to see me moaning, rocking, cringing, etc. They knew of my birth song and it was normal to them.

But we(meaning mostly my partner), fed them and put them to sleep at 7ish, their normal bedtime. I labored most of the night, finally getting a nap around 4am(was complete at midnight, began pushing then with no urge). The boys woke at 6:30 on Thursday, then we sent them both off again so that I could focus again. I will agree we were greatly blesses that our childcare co-op offered to take both the children, as it would've been a bit harder with them, but not nearly impossible. They came back at 3pm, and spend the rest of the day with me.

It was quite interesting, my labor naturally slowed when they were around, or maybe it was that my labor was going pretty slowly anyways. But they came into the tub with me and we all just spent time as a family. They went to bed early that night, closer to 6pm, then I ate something, and rested for a little, then baby came out at 9:24pm. I probably would not have been able to give birth with the kids awake, asking me what I was doing and whatnot. They're so curious.

We didn't have specific people to watch the kids, but we were able to send them off for a bit. But we would've worked it out ok even if we couldn't. It does all work out naturally.

[Full Heart]

With my 2nd my dd went to my parents house, which was right around the corner (it was a 36 hour labor and we transfered so she couldn't have been with us). With my 3rd my dds went to my parents again, it was only a 2.5 hour labor so they were only there for a little while. With my 4th the kids were up for part of it then went to bed and slept through the rest of the labor. With my 5th the kids slept through it. With my 6th my kids went to my parents house, mostly cause I just wanted to spend the day with dh, it was a great excuse lol. With #7 the kids slept through it. My oldest did wake up but when she bothered me I sent her away. She was 9 at the time though so she could take care of herself for the most part. We have no choice this time, the kids will have to be here. I am hoping they sleep through it again, but if not I plan on using a room where I can lock myself in if they bother me.

[rad]

For my 2nd baby, my oldest went over to his grandparents who at the time lived a few houses down from us. During my 3rd and 5th homebirths the older kids slept right through it all. For my 4th, my older 3 were downstairs with a family friend watching a movie and making birthday cards for their new brother.

[leavemealone]

I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old. We have no family in this area and not a whole lot of close friends and what I was going to do with my kids was a concern of mine. I wasn't worried about them during labor (that was DH's job - I had a doula for me) but was worried about what I was going to do with them during the actual birthing time. I labored at night and birthed fairly early in the morning (8:30 am) on a weekend, so they didn't end up being an issue during labor. I did have a short list of people with one primary person to call. We ended up calling the primary person at about 5:30 am and asked her to come over. I don't know when she stayed until, but she stayed long enough.

[2+twins]

When I had my 2nd baby, my older dd slept through it (she was almost 3 at the time). When I had my twins I went into labor first thing in the morning and called my good friend to come and help with the older 2 kids (we had already discussed this). My labors with the twins were really fast so there wasn't much for her to do but she kept them occupied and brought them in each time I was pushing so they got to see their brothers be born. I had worked with them throughout the pregnancy what to expect and they both handled it like it was nothing.

[donutmolly]

My DD1 (so not a good sleeper!) slept through her sister's birth. Labor kicked into gear as soon as I put her to bed, I was loud and our walls are like paper, but the noise didn't wake her. It was a short labor (3 hours) but not atypical from what I read here for
2nd+ time birthers... so, yeah, I'd say hope for the best. And have another plan.
Our plan was to have my mom there to watch DD1, and just entertain her. Take her out, watch videos, play, etc... We had some friends who they could visit to get them out of the house. My mom didn't actually arrive until way after the birth, but DD1 awoke a few minutes after the baby was out, sat next to me quietly for all the afterbirth stuff, then DH was able to put on a video.

[RobynFL]

Lots of folks are talking about preparing their kids for what to expect. Was that just by conversation or do you have some kid books you'd recommend?

My ds LOVES watching "Milo and Otis" which has the animals giving birth in it so I'm thinking of using that to talk about how it all happens. Any other ideas?

[AmieV]

My m/w said third babies almost always want a quiet moment to themselves so they come at night. Was totally true for me, I went into labor literally 15 minutes after I laid down to go to sleep for the night. We just happened to have run the big kids around that day so they slept through almost the entire thing. My kids are 2.5 and almost 4 also. The 2.5 yo did wake up for a bit around 1ish, but was fine with Dh comforting her, and I wasn't in hard enough labor to need him or anyone yet. He got her back to sleep but then the m/w's, my friend arrived...that woke her up again but then everyone was here so he was free to settle her again. the plan had been that since they know my friend who is also a rockin' doula, hopefully they would be happy with her, and if not, she could do labor support while DH dealt with the kiddos. My 2yo finally settled in and we didn't hear a PEEP from them, through multiple showers (the pipes run through their room and are semi-loud), my noises, lots of footsteps above their room, and even me taking a bath next door to their room, with their door open.

I also ended up transferring to the hospital that morning and they slept through the hubub of getting stuff together and out the door. We left at 7:15 and they slept till 8:00. My SIL came over and watched them. Because of my experience, and you just never know...you need to have a backup plan of someone to watch them, at least in an emergency.

[AmieV]

Well, we talked about how babies are born, and that mommies have to work hard and make noises sometimes to get them out. My 4yo did ask if it hurt, and that was a tricky question, but I didn't want to lie, so I told her that sometimes yes, it does, but it's different than when you scrape your knee. I told her it's not scary when it hurts, it's just part of the hard work. Ever since then she's been talking about how hard she's going to work when she has babies.

She's seen birth videos before just because of my line of work but I didn't show them a bunch beforehand. Kids are so adaptable that I think they don't think of birth as a big deal unless it's made out to be or a particularly traumatic event. Case in point is that my girls were prepared for months that we were not going to the hospital to have our baby, that she would be born at our house and B, the m/w would come over. Yet it was no big thing to them when I ended up in the hospital and didn't ask hardly any questions when they came to visit or had to spend the night.

[2+twins]

Originally Posted by RobynFL

Lots of folks are talking about preparing their kids for what to expect. Was that just by conversation or do you have some kid books you'd recommend?

My ds LOVES watching "Milo and Otis" which has the animals giving birth in it so I'm thinking of using that to talk about how it all happens. Any other ideas?

I was a childbirth educator before I had my twins so my older 2 dc were around a lot of birth talk, videos, etc. While specifically preparing them for the upcoming births, I did choose specific videos to show them - mainly I showed them the Psalm & Zoya twin birth video a lot - talked to them a lot about the process of birth (the way my body is working really hard to get the baby out, how I'll move around to try to get comfortable so my body can do it's thing, how I might make noises and why and what they might sound like, etc. etc.), and also read to them a couple of books about having a baby: Welcome With Love (also sold under the title 'Hello Baby') and some illustrated books - can't remember the titles.

[70toes]

I loved having my 4 YO and almost 2 YO there when DD was born. The 4 YO and I did a lot of research together beforehand like watching movies, researching online, and reading informative books. I didn't hold anything back from her, that way she'd be prepared for whatever would happen. She was by my side every step of the way. She was actually the first one to talk to the baby. She's saying, "Hi baby! Your Sissy's here!" I'll never forget that and neither will she. I've heard that a lot of times it really helps with jealousy because the older kids witness the birth and feel like they're a part of it, the baby doesn't just show up without them knowing when or how it got there. When I got in the bathtub with the baby afterward to clean up a bit the kids went into my room and made my bed so pretty for us! They felt so important and they were! DS nursing was great nipple stimulation during labor!