If you already had kids, where were they during the hb? - Page 2

[70toes]

Originally Posted by RobynFL

I talked it over with the m/w, and she was very "it will all work out" and said that many times you have the baby before the others wake up. (If only dd slept better )

One more thing: DS always night wakes several times even to this day... except the night I had Serenity and the 5 nights after that. It's like he somehow knew that my body needed rest! I hope the same works out for you.

[ryansma]

My older son told me he wanted to be there to "watch me push baby Z out"
I was totally prepared to let him stay as long as he was comfortable. but did have a friend who offered to come over if we needed her too. I ended up being in labor throughout the morning (we went about our normal routine), had lunch with that same friend, came home and put ds down for a nap and had his brother about an hour later.

[maryjane]

This was a great post for me. Thanks everyone

We're planning a homebirth for the first time and I have two boys, who will be nearly 6 and 3.5. Our plan is to have my dad and stepmom come over as support for the kids. They can bring them in to me, or take them out, as I/they want. I know from my birth with #2 that I was so nervous about the timing of it all, but it does seem to sort of work itself out.

[nkintzel]

Well, my daughter was 15 at the time of our last homebirth, so she was kind of like my doula! hahha!

This time, though, I will have a 17 month old. I think that I am going to ask my mother-in-law to be prepared to come and take him if he seems to need attention. He will be way too young to try and prepare, and I just don't know how he'll be in 8 months!

My last labor was VERY short and VERY intense. So, I'm banking on this one being similar. If it is, then it will be hard for me to give him the attention he needs while I'm in labor. But, it will be easy for my mother-in-law to come over and take him for a walk around the block, or for a ride or whatever.

My last labor/birth happened in the late afternoon. I guess I have no idea how this one will pan out. I guess it might be nice in the night time, but I'm kind of nervous about that, too, considering that at this point, Ethan still gets up several times to nurse. I guess that will probably taper off, though.

[DoomaYula]

Mine slept through it all.

[storychick]

I seem to be in the minority but I did not want my kids there during or immediately afterwards. Not because I thought they couldn't handle it or whatever, but because I wanted to be able to concentrate and then spend some time with the new baby before I had to worry about mothering them.

My second's labor, my DH took DS to a friend's house (and barely made it back in time for DD to come out lol). My third, my friend came and got my kids so DH didn't have to leave me, and she kept them all day so we had 5 hours or so without them after baby was born, which was very nice. Gave us all a chance to nap and relax and focus together on the new one before the noise and hubbub of the bigger ones arrived.

Just to give a slightly different opinion

[Veritaserum]

Baby #2 (First home birth)

DD (22.5 months) was asleep. The plan was to have my next door neighbor take care of her, but since she was asleep, it wasn't necessary. Well, actually she woke up and came in during the 4 minutes that I pushed. She went from "Mommy, Mommy" to "Oh, a baby!" and started bringing toys.

Baby #3

DD (4.5 years) and DD (2.5 years) were in and out, cared for by my sister-in-law. She fed them dinner and helped them bake a birthday cake. They came in the room at various points, got bored, and went to do other things. They came in for the actual birth.

Baby #4

DD (6.5 years), DD (4.5 years), and DD (2 years) were cared for by a friend. It was a longer birth, so while they were sleeping I didn't have anyone over. Since I was still in labor come morning we called a friend to come over. The kids were in the room for the birth.

Baby #5

DD (8 years), DD (6 years), DD (4 years), and DD (21.5 months) were cared for by my brother and sister-in-law (dh's bro and his wife). This was another long birth so they ended up spending the night. One of them missed worked and we paid them for doing that. The actual birth happened late at night so the other three got woken up and brought in (since that's what they wanted).

I was stressed about the child care issue with all of them, but things really did work out.

[mom2sol]

My son loved being at the birth of his sister. He was 2 1/2. I loved having him there!
He now talks about it with her and prepares her (to the best of his memory) for the birth of the new baby.
It's very sweet.

We had grandma there to keep him occupied until birth was just about to happen, he came upstairs from watching a movie and sat very quietly and watched. There was a very special moment right before the last push, while I was resting where I gave him a big kiss and told him he was about to become a big brother. I was so glad he was there. It didn't bother him at all, he just seemed fascinated and respectful. I'm glad we have the memory.

Having someone there who's only purpose was to watch and entertain him, someone he was comfortable with was key though. I don't think it will be as big of a deal with DD because she will have him but we will still have someone there to watch them.

[Mainstream Hippie]

My first homebirth, my daughter slept throught the whole thing! It was an admittably short birth, and he was born at 8 in the morning.

This time, my kids are older- 7.5 and 5.5- and I hope they will be involved. My son has expressed a disinterest. Specifically, he has said I should get him when the baby is out. : My daughter wants to attend the birth, but I am open to the possibility she may change her mind.

Thankfully, we have a BIG house, and a ton of people we can call on to take the kids or hang out with them upstairs while I labor downstairs. Going to play it by ear.

[langdonslady]

I had an HBAC and my DD had just turned 3 a couple of months before she saw her brother born. Brother was born just after lunchtime, so that was a factor in her being awake. But I too was concerned how seeing and hearing me in pain might affect her, and my midwife was also certain it would be fine, and as she had 30 years of experience with it almost always being fine with siblings (even that young ) I trusted her, and she lent me some books to help prepare DD, like "Welcome With Love" which shows a homebirth with lovely illustrations, with the siblings helping prepare for the birth. She also lent me a more graphic book with detailed line drawings of all the relevent things like the cord, the placenta, etc so DD would know what to expect. Since DD was TOTALLY into all this and seemed really thrilled and wanting to know more about birth, I looked for some YouTube videos of homebirths, and found some, and DD was enthralled! I worried, but she loved it and kept begging to see another one. I too was getting teary eyed watching, and it was good because it showed just how varied normal healthy childbirth can be, and all the range of sounds and coping methods.
I also had a Doula I had hired before deciding to HBAC instead of make a hospital VBAC "attempt" and I kept her on because she could help DD and DH if they needed guidance, hand holding, or someone to make coffee or cocoa, or run out for donuts, etc etc. She also took pics!
The doula was great with DD (DD liked and trusted her from the start anyway) and was the sort of "tour guide" for DH and DD while the midwives were busy with me. I was pushing on hands and knees and "gone within" so basically unaware of everyone else, but my DD's little voice saying "I see the sac!" and then "I see the baby's head!" with such a squeal of excitement and awe, penetrated my awareness.

She got to hold him soon after birth, and she declared "He smells like a purple polkadot!" and that was so cute. I will always be glad my daughter got to see her brother born, and more than that, got to know that birth, even after c/section, is a natural, healthy event that is best enjoyed at home. I hope that awareness will stand her in good stead someday when she might make the decision of where and how to birth.

[ursusarctos]

From another perspective, I was around when my siblings were born at home when I was 2, 5, and 12. I'm pretty sure I was sleeping and playing in my room through the first one, though I did get to cut the cord and I am told this was very exciting for me. I remember being familiar with the midwives and climbing in to my mom's bed afterwards, and wanting to use the midwives' blood pressure cuff on my stuffed cat... I also asked my mom to read me a story but she was too tired (obviously ) so I think my dad did instead and that was about it.
For my second sibling's birth when I was 5 and my brother was 3, my mom was in labor all day and into the night and we played by ourselves the whole time. My brother actually potty trained himself on that day. I still remember the shirt I was wearing. What someone else said about kids sensing there is something special going on and behaving differently is definitely true. Again I remember a familiarity with the midwives and the feeling of waiting, though no trauma from noises that my mom made. I also got to cut the cord this time and again I am told this was important to me. For a time after this I would pretend I was having a baby every time I was on the toilet. I knew it had something to do with pushing
For the birth of my last sibling I was 12, my brother 10 and my sister 7. I and my brother were present much of the time, also at the actual birth. My sister, I believe, got a little freaked out and left the room but soon came back to see the baby. We were older this time so could understand what was really going on and participated in the moments immediately after our brother's birth (cutting the cord, getting to hold him, taking pictures). Again our midwives were familiar and comfortable to all of us. We had tagged along for most of the prenatal visits as well so were really participating in the whole process and this was important and natural for us. This birth was particularly important to me because at the time I was just turning into a woman myself, and I got to see a mature woman giving birth naturally and on her own terms. She was in pain, but it wasn't deadly, and it had a purpose. I got to see that pain is not the greatest evil in life.
All of my siblings (except maybe my youngest brother because he has had no exposure to it) are vocal supporters of homebirth because of our experiences. I have talked with my sister about it and she agrees with me that she just couldn't imagine giving birth in any other way. Having your kids around as you build your family birth by birth is the best way to show them that birth is a natural, safe family event and to change the birthing culture slowly but surely.

[sweetcheeks]

We sat down with my big 2 and talked about what it would be like for me when I went into labour and what it would be like when I started pushing. They were able to ask all the questions they wanted and we answered them honestly. We gave DS1 the option of being there if he wanted and we already had plans for DD to go to a close friend's house. I knew she wouldn't have handled seeing me during labour very well and I knew having her around probably would have halted my labour as I would've been too worried about upsetting her. DS1 picked the option of going to our friend's house with his sister b/c our friend is an "auntie" to them and she had lots of special things planned for them for that big day. Had it been that I would've been giving birth in the middle of the night, we most likely would've kept them at home asleep.

[txgal]

Ds was 2 when we had our homebirth, my mom was there to take care of him. But I think he would have been fine without her. It was nice to have someone there to feed him, change diapers etc... so that Dh could concentrate on me. I had a long labor so having her there allowed Dh and I to go for walks alone and rest when needed. I think there is a big difference in having kids at a homebirth vs. a hospital. In my experience as a doula it isn't so much what mom is doing as the environment. The kids get worried about all the medical equipment at the hospital and think something is wrong. Even a natural hospital birth usually has some medical aspects (the gown, IV, fetal monitors, hospital bed)