nervous about co-sleeping....

[Super~Single~Mama]

I made the mistake of telling someone that Lincoln sleeps with me at night...and she told me about her friend who rolled over onto her baby and smothered him.

I LOVE co-sleeping with Lincoln, and so far we haven't had any problems, but now I'm nervous after she told me that!! I know that you shouldn't ever ever ever mix co-sleeping with alcohol, drugs or being extremely tired, and I don't, nor would I ever and neither would my boyfriend. But now I'm scared that one of us will roll over Lincoln - although I'm not sure how you wouldn't notice that unless there was some other factor at play.

I guess I just want to know about other people's experiences, and hear positive stories since I really really don't want to put Lincoln in his crib at night, although one night when I was extremely exhausted I did put him in his crib so that I could get solid sleep until he needed to eat.

[Taryn237]

I personally don't even move when I co-sleep with a baby. I wake up in the exact same position with DD still on my chest or in the crook of my arm. Just keep reading positive statistics. You could always 'sidecar' your crib (http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/index.htm) or get a co-sleeper if you'd feel more comfortable.

[AllyRae]

What she forgot to tell you was WHY the mother rolled over on her baby--was she on medication? Did she drink that night? Was she extremely exhausted? Stuff like that can really impact your instincts at night.

I've co-slept for over 5 years now and have never rolled over on any of my children. However, DH *has* gotten a blanket or pillow on them, or rolled his back over. After that, we decided that children under 1 sleep next to me (with something on the other side to block the baby from falling off the bed...a rail, crib, etc.). Once they are bigger and can let someone know that they have something on top of them, they move to the middle. I don't think some dads have the same "instincts" at night that mothers do regarding not moving while sleeping next to the baby...

[quietserena]

do *you* think you'd roll into your baby?

if you worry about it, there are options other than crib as you saw above. also, there is a Family Bed forum on MDC where you can find loads more info.



also more info from Dr. Sears:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T102200.asp

[laurelg]

Originally Posted by Taryn237

I personally don't even move when I co-sleep with a baby. I wake up in the exact same position with DD still on my chest or in the crook of my arm.

Same here.

[Hallielynn01]

There is an article about the dangers of co sleeping in our local paper today. Blah. Personally, I can't sleep well with the little one in the bed, I have to move around too much, can't sleep in my side long, and like to have my covers up over my ear (its a weird thing i do) and find I don't sleep too well with the little one next to me. So we use a arms reach co sleeper until the kid is able to get out, then we side car the crib. my DD would climb out to me to nurse, then when she was done, flop back to her own space. Neither of us really waking up. For us its a good option. DH uses a apnea machine, so she can't be in the middle, he WOULD smother her since he sleeps like a rock with that on, but still moves around a lot. I, personally, feel that because DD had her own space, vs being snuggled up to me, that it was much easier when we moved her to the toddler bed,then not long after, into her own room. There was no upset moments, no trauma of any sort. Because she was used to her own space when she slept, even if only a foot from me (that and she was ready to move on)

So find what feel safe for you. That option worked for us, I couldn't imagine her being father away from me that the cosleeper.

[isabchi]

check the presentation of James Mc kenna.
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/ppt.html
take care..

[Everrgreen]

I too made the mistake of telling my mom and her friend that DS was sleeping with us in bed. The look on their faces was pure horror, and once the shock wore off enough for them to speak they shared a story about a woman who's baby died from cosleeping and how dangerous it was. (I later found out from my mom that the woman was using drugs and sleeping on a couch).

Anyway, we are still cosleeping and my mom isn't hounding me too much about it. DS is so much happier sleeping on my chest or right next to me, and I've read so many positive things about cosleeping that I know it's right for us.

[xakana]

DH and I both were coslept as babies (and I continued cosleeping until I was about 7--my mom was a single parent, so it was no big deal to her), as were his two sisters and we cosleep with my 2 year old and the newborn now, too. And we're both overweight. Before Lilly (2 yr old) was born, DH used to roll over on me at night. Since she was born, he's stopped moving in his sleep. It was like some trigger was pressed and he became safe to cosleep with the kids (the baby sleeps on my side and Lilly in the middle of DH and I). And I've never rolled over on my babies. Naomi rolls over to me (yes, she started rolling over at 2 weeks) and I just scoot away or wake up enough to move her back onto her back in her spot.

[skmama]

I co-sleep with my toddler. I've done so since birth with him and my older son. I think parents have instincts to be aware in their sleep, unless they're on medication, have been drinking, etc... My husband and myself never once rolled onto our kids.

[Phoenix~Mama]

Originally Posted by Taryn237

I personally don't even move when I co-sleep with a baby. I wake up in the exact same position with DD still on my chest or in the crook of my arm.

this for me as well.

Just ignore the negative... I told my parents last night that DD sleeps often on my chest or DH's in our bed and the looks they gave me and the lecture I got!!

I'm just doing what feels right for me and my baby. And you should too, whatever that may be.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks everyone! I really like co-sleeping with Lincoln, and my boyfriend likes having him in bed with us as well. I do put him in his crib when I'm tired enough to be worried about rolling over onto him, but when he's in bed with me he's cuddled up to me (think nursing in the side-lying position only not latched on) and that way I know when he's waking up to nurse again. And he rolls from his back to his side so if I put him on his back next to me he just rolls onto his side so that he can be closer to me (I LOVE that he does that!)

My boyfriend has never been one to move in his sleep, I thought it was weird when we first got together cause he sleeps kinda like a mummy - flat on his back with his hands on his chest. I definitely don't worry about him rolling over onto Lincoln!

And, we would never keep him in bed with us if one of us had been drinking, or if we were on prescription meds.

Thanks again for the encouraging and positive stories!

[mommyfied]

Originally Posted by Taryn237

I personally don't even move when I co-sleep with a baby. I wake up in the exact same position with DD still on my chest or in the crook of my arm.

same here... even before I had a child, I'd wake up with aches and pains from not moving when the dog was next to me. : I like being able to immediately respond to her needs, like if she gags on spit up.

[Jannah6]

I'm a co-sleeper too. I first started with my first DS who is now 11. I never had a fear of rolling over on my DC. I did fear that DH might, so I purchased the in the bed co-sleeper. Mine is like this http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DdWxnmaWDm.../cosleeper.jpg, but doesn't have those side positioners

[ainh]

The quote I like to give to people who seem horrified is "when is the last time you rolled out of bed?". Especially when baby is less than three months old and can't roll over or move around, your brain is totally aware of where they are in relation to you, you know?

[theboodges]

Originally Posted by Taryn237

I personally don't even move when I co-sleep with a baby. I wake up in the exact same position with DD still on my chest or in the crook of my arm.

Me too!

I sleep more soundly when they aren't in bed with me, which actually makes me more nervous that I wouldn't wake up if something was wrong!

I also know my limits. If I am extremely tired, little ones go into a crib or the moses basket the first few hours just in case. We also don't let DH or the older siblings sleep next to the newborns, just me. Once they are older, have louder cries, stronger, etc. then DH and eventually sibs can sleep by them.

I have heard horror stories too, I used to do playdates with a family whose Dad was a funeral director. When he found out I co-slept with the kids, he was livid - and gave a big lecture on the babies he has had to bury over the years. But again, you don't know the circumstances! They really do make a difference! And you really have to trust your own instincts. If you think you sleep too heavy, make other arrangements!

Good luck!

[theboodges]

One more thought on this, is that I believe in making choices out of love, not fear. You would end up locked up in a padded room if you listened to every scary story out there. Fear can be especially intense right after having a baby, your hormones and emotions are high, and you are trying to make decisions about this little person who means more to you than anything! So stories like this can hit you in a way that makes it hard to sort through a decision. All you can do is try not to make decisions out of the emotions you feel after hearing a story like that. Try to step back, look at the facts, and decide what is really best for you and your family.

Good luck!