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Reality of twins and older siblings - Page 2

post #21 of 30

DS was 2 when my triplets were born.

Its hard. Here is what I'll say - DH and I spent a LOT of DS 1-1 time. Outings, lengthy bedtime routines, time alone in evening after triplets tucked in, etc. . . . We'd also take him out on a "date" just DH and I about once a week - like to sushi or something? Anyway - my observation was - the more time I gave him - the more he craved. He was a seeming bottomless pit of need for my undivided attention. Time together never seemed to satiate him? I've often felt like the one thing he wants most is the one thing I can't give him - to be an only child~

The good news is . . . at 6 - much of that finally seems to have subsided. So there seems to be something that happens as the sibs get old enough to be an interesting playmate to the older one that can really turn the tide.

I think a multiples pregnancy is difficult for a first-born under any circumstances. Just try to keep that in mind -do your best to carve out time for him where/when you can - and try not to beat yourself up about it.

And all my best to you and your babies on the way!
post #22 of 30
Originally Posted by CaitBenAliBrismom View Post
Well i have twins who are 2 and when i had them my daughter was 3 and my son was 2! THEY adored the twins and everything went smoothly good luck!:
I will try not to faint dead away from the shock and the jealousy I am feeling right now . . . . . .??????
post #23 of 30
My DD 1 completely LOST IT after the babies were born. I could not have prepared for how awful things were going to be. She would frequently put blankets and pillows over their faces, pick them up by one arm, ect. She even started a fire in the kitchen while DH was changing the babies diapers one night, (I was in the basement doing my first pp load of laundry and heard the cries). The screaming tantrums, bathroom regression, total lack of cooperation, and unwillingness to EVER compromise almost drove me over the edge. I joined a support group for mothers with PPD. It took about 9 months to get things under control. No amount of help seemed to really help. Well, other mamas bringing food over helped.

The twins are now 2.25. I have just had another baby, and I was very anxious that this behavior would resurface. It hasn't so far. We also learned this fall that DD1 has Asperger's Syndrome, and Sensory Integration Disorder. I don't think we could have done things differently when the twins were born, and we will never know how much was twin jealousy and how much was straight up over stimulation, but we do know that the noise/activity level the infant twins created probably overwhelmed her to the point of hysteria on several memorable occasions.

The twins are neuro-typical so I don't anticipate quite the level of craziness we had last time, but with two princes having to give up their throne to a new baby it has been... interesting on occasion.
post #24 of 30
My ds was 3 1/2 when the babies came along almost 6 months ago. He ADORED them right from the start, but still gets jealous on occasion. When they were very little, it was the end of summer, so I would try to make time to take just him outside to play, even if it was for only 10-15 minutes. If I was alone with all 3 kids, I'd bring a baby monitor outside so I could hear if the twins needed me.

now that they're older, I can spend a little more time with my 3yo, but not much. I do make it a priority to have "special" time alone with him after the babies go down for the night. We both put on our pj's, read a story, have a bed time snack and brush our teeth together. We co-sleep with him but not the twins, so I think that also helps. We snuggle together and watch a little tv before falling asleep.

During the day, he mostly plays alone, or with the babies. I try to get him to help as much as possible, he loves to help. He also loves to cook, so any time I cook anything (even heating water in the microwave), I enlist his help. This morning, we made sticky buns. This afternoon we will make home made lemonade and meatloaf for dinner and snacks for the Super Bowl. Since cooking is one thing I can't do with the babies, he really gets all my attention there. I usually am wearing a baby on my back while we cook, but ds doesn't seem to mind.

You'll figure it all out
post #25 of 30

Thats my greatest fear too :(


What I'm worried about is the fact that the twins will be more bonded to one another than to my DD. She'll be a little over 4.5 when they're born, and I just worry about her being the odd one out. She'll be a great big sis, but I also just worry that she's gonna have a LOT more responsibility because of the twins. Poor little girl. But she is so super excited about the babies. She can't wait to teach them how to play her Kung Fu Panda game.

Jack just turned 4 and I am in the hospital with pre-eclampsia. I worry now about how he is dealing with Mommy being gone because of the babies and then they will be born and Mommy will have to take care of the little ones! And I also worry because they are both girls and will be four years younger than Jack so will he be left out I have too much time on my hands lol.v Oh and jack's favorite game is Kung Fu Panda...
post #26 of 30
Mine were 3 1/2 and almost 2 when their sisters were born. Overall, I'd say it went well, but our situation was a bit different than yours, 'cause I had two older ones, and I think that actually made it easier. They had each other, and they've always played together well. So when I was busy with the babies, they weren't abandoned; they still had their favorite playmate, you know?

My twins (now almost one) also really enjoy watching their older siblings run and jump and shout and play. The older two are like a constant floor show for the younger two . . . when the older two are out of the house, visiting Grandma or whatever, the younger two get really fussy. They miss the entertainment!

My son - who was almost two when they were born - really seemed to like being called "the big brother". He thought it was very cool that he had his own new role in the family, you know? We even have a t-shirt that says "big brother" and he wears it every chance he gets.

No kidding, it's very hard. But I love having four kids, and I love watching the interactions between the older ones and the twins. It's very, very hard, but it's not impossible to have kids who like each other, even if they're very young kids and include twins!

Let your older one hold the babies too (supervised!). I've found that this really makes them feel connected and important.
post #27 of 30
Originally Posted by NicoleMarieLG View Post
Oh and jack's favorite game is Kung Fu Panda...

I'm so sorry you're in the hospital. Take care!!!
post #28 of 30
I think it's a bit unrealistic/unfair to not expect that the twins may share a 'special bond' that their other siblings might not be a part of. Not all twins feel that, of course, and in my own experience and what I've observed in others a lot of the time if it happens it doesn't always happen early (with my boys it really wasn't until they were 2 1/2).

That being said, as babies they were more bonded to sister than to each other. (and sometimes, it felt like, even us parents!) But as everyone's growing older, they've all got their individual interests, ect.

I tried hard to discourage people from taking a "poor baby, all left out" attitude towards DD, because I didn't feel that it was helpful and I certainly didn't want her to internalize that! So just as I didn't allow people to gush over the twin babies while ignoring her, I didn't allow them to gush over her in a negative way either.

I don't know that it helped either way, since as it turned out all 3 of my kids have very complementary personalities (not everyone gets so lucky) so they don't have a lot of natural personality conflicts. And how a 17 month old reacts is going to be different developmentally than, say, a school age child.

But I found that keeping the balance of family cohesion and *not* denigrating or ignoring the twin relationship to be harder than I thought. It's a difficult line to walk, especially in the early years.
post #29 of 30
This has been one of my biggest worries. How is DS going to adjust? He will be 2y10m when the twins arrive. He has, so far in his life, shown himself to be a fairly adaptable little boy, so I am hoping that he adapts well to this. He is so happy now, and it crushes me to think he might get jealous or resentful because of his new siblings. At this point I am planning to have a babysitter come in a few days/week so DS and I can spend time together, but I realize it may not be that simple. DS goes to preschool two days a week and loves it, so we'll continue that after the babies arrive so he has consistency and a special place just for him. I don't know though, I am just not sure how to prepare for this....
post #30 of 30
DD was almost 4 and DS was almost 2 when the twins were born. DD adjusted fine - she was a great helper, good attitude, understood that she had to wait for help, etc. We did end up putting her 4yr old kindergarten so she wouldn't be bored, couldn't fight with her brother, and gave me some breathing room for the other 3. My DS did not adjust as well - going back to breastfeeding him helped a lot and he just really needed his mommy time.
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