Handling the constant "my tummy hurts" "my head hurts"

[amcal]

My 5.5 yo is moody and whiny. She's getting better as she gets older but, she's just really emotional and her emotions turn on a dime.

Now, anytime she's feeling grumpy, whiny or emotional she will say "my tummy hurts". It is usually in response to someone confronting her on her behavior.

Like this morning, we went to the bookstore to buy her some new books and on the way to school she got super grumpy and whiny. I expressed my sadness that we had just had such a nice morning, shopping for book for her and then she complained and whined the whole way to school. So, immediately the "my head hurts" and the "my stomach hurts" and "my knee hurts" and "my toe hurts" starts.

She did it in the car and did it at school. She even wanted the teacher to call me to come get her because she had a headache and stomach ache but there was only 10 minutes left in school and I was already outside in car line.

So, how do you handle the constant physical complaints when you know there is nothing really wrong?

I've tried talking to her, tried being sympathetic, tried asking her if maybe she's feeling sad about being grumpy or sad about being rude or whatever but, she can't identify it. She just says this and that hurts.

So tonight, as soon as I picked her up, she was in a good mood. She asked me if I had a treat for her and I said no but, tomorrow I will. She got all upset because I didn't have a treat. I told her I thought she needed to sit down in her seat quietly until she could have a polite conversation. Two minutes later the "my head hurts" and "my stomach hurts" started and lasted all the way home.

I just don't know what to do so I told her I thought she needed to spend some time resting since she didn't feel well all day. She freaked. She's so upset and now she says she's feeling fine.

What to do???

[janasmama]

Did you kidnap my DD!?

I know exactly what you mean. Some people are probably going to say that there might really be something wrong with her but I know my DD and there isnm't...so I believe you. My daughter was born in late September, I wonder if they have the same zodiac sign.

There are just three things I do and it depends on the situation.

If it's her toe, etc. sometimes I say 'let me look at it.." and I pretend to see something. Then I say, I think it needs some cream. Let me go get some. I put cream on it, a band-aid and viola! It takes less time than having to listen to the whining.

I know...sometimes the whining still continues after that. This is when I tell her she is using her whiney voice. And I say it in a whiney tone..."you're using your whiiiiineey voice." Now she knows that she has to stop and retone her statement.

When she asks for a treat (because she is never satisfied with anything) I tell her that she needs to be happy with what she has before she gets anything more. Then I ask her to tell me a couple of things she is thankful for.

Lately I have been telling her that I want her to show gratefulness. I'm working on that now...not exactly sure how to do it just yet so we are experimenting.

mama. I know your pain.

[Awaken]

This sounds exactly like my ds, too! If I investigate with him and really don't think something is wrong, I'll massage it, rub some lotion on it, or give him some rescue remedy or hyland's calming tablets. I feel like those things won't hurt, but might help if there is something off emotionally that's making him complain.

ITA about gratefulness.

He is always asking for treats, too! Now my little one keeps saying "I just want a treat for being wonderful!"

[meemee]

... actually i feel there IS something HUGELY wrong... more than the physical and i treat it as a big deal - for me, inside. of course i dont show it.

first of all in my dd's case i do believe the tummy ache is genuine. even the few times she IS ok i still give her the benefit of the doubt. its her anxiety. seh gets a tummy ache often a few times a day. without pointing to it directly - i usually try to do something to bring her anxiety level down. turn on music, breathing exercise, change of activity.

the other times i know its her way of asking for love and sympathy. that there is something deeper going on and she just needs some loving right then.

for instance on monday she didnt want to go to school because of a bad tummy ache. now i knew she had a tummy ache because of all the sour cream she ate the night before BUT it wasnt as bad as she was making it out to be. so we sat and cuddled and talked. yeah requires major time investment. did our stuff and talked some more. at the end she did decide she would go to school.

[janasmama]

ITA with the idea of anxiety.

Oh yes, and I always keep some chamomile homeopathic tablets on hand. She loves to get a 'remedy' so when there is some sort of problem...I can tell her I have just the thing to fix it.

[ewe+lamb]

ITA too with the anxiety, my dd LOVES to go swimming any time, but gets anxious before her lessons, it's not that she doesn't enjoy it, she just gets nervous, I would try and explain it that way and play it maybe to an advantage or there really could be an issue at school with a classmate or teacher that she clashes with.

[CarrieMF]

I just don't know what to do so I told her I thought she needed to spend some time resting since she didn't feel well all day. She freaked. She's so upset and now she says she's feeling fine.

What to do???

It may be anxiety some of the time, BUT if she's doing it because she didn't get a treat then you know it isn't all the time.

If it starts over something she didn't get to have & she tried telling me she was sick then it'd be off to bed. That cures that 99% of the time.

If it happens alot at school, talk to the teachers there may be something going on, but there may not be & she's doing it for attention seeking. There is a girl in our school in Grade 3 who seems to always have a stomachache during recess. she puts on the puppy dog eyes & everything. She has lots of good friends, there is no bullying, nothing like that going on. Sometimes her friends suddenly don't feel good too. It ALWAYS starts right after she was eating. I dont' send her in because I know she isn't really sick, but she can walk with me or go play. Just about every time she goes off & plays. If she wants to call her mom she has to wait until after recess & she can talk to her teacher.

How long is she in school for & what times does she eat during the day.

My middle dd had the emotional stability of a cracker. It was caused by dairy intolerance. She is also hypoglycemic & needs to eat every 3 hours during the day. While she doesn't get cranky with her hypoglycemia when I'm having an episode of it I sure do.lol

[Doodlebugsmom]

Originally Posted by meemee

... actually i feel there IS something HUGELY wrong... more than the physical and i treat it as a big deal - for me, inside. of course i dont show it.

first of all in my dd's case i do believe the tummy ache is genuine. even the few times she IS ok i still give her the benefit of the doubt. its her anxiety. seh gets a tummy ache often a few times a day. without pointing to it directly - i usually try to do something to bring her anxiety level down. turn on music, breathing exercise, change of activity.

I'm so glad to read this. My dd has been going through the same thing. We know she does actually get a tummy ache, and recently she told us that it is because she's worried about forgetting her homework or her homework being "wrong". (Her homework is usually some type of little worksheet that we sit down and do together in the evening. It takes about 5 minutes max.) So, we've started packing up her backpack and checking homework before school in the morning. I'm hoping that will help. She also has the nicest teacher in the world who we plan on meeting with tomorrow to talk about it.

[cedoreilly]

This is so my daughter. Everytime she does not want to do something at school, she complains she is sick. Talk with the teachers. We figured out she had some fine motor issues which were really frustrating her and we are in the process of getting her some help now for.

[amcal]

I bought some Calms Forte and it helped tremendously today.

She seemed so relieved to have something to "make it better" and after 2 pills, she said she felt fine and the rest of the evening was great.

Thank you for the suggestion!

[meemee]

aaaaah michelle i am so glad that teh calm forte worked. amazing huh?!!!!

i am still trying to figure out how to give my dd life skills that seh can use when seh is freaking out. esp. when i am not around adn she is at school.

she gets .v easily 'afraid'. the other day she accused me when i got lost driving - oh its ok for you - you just consider it an adventure. i was trying to get the point across to her (she is 6) that IS an adventure and that we eventually do find our way instead of focusing on OMG we are LOST!!!!

[Annapooh]

been there

I've been there as a mother and a preschool teacher. I give it as little attention as possible. I tell mine a big drink of water helps almost all headaches, which is true btw. I give her a drink and walk away. Also, the you don't feel well, you should rest is awsome. Also, no treat honey, you're tummy has been hurting. When she's upset and fussing, well, take a deep breath, walk away, remember this too shall pass, and the less you let her know she is having the power to spoil a moment, the sooner it will stop.
good luck!!

[USAmma]

My dd did that all the way through K and 1st grade. She tends to be a drama queen so I didn't quite believe her all the time. She also admitted she did fib a few times. She was happy at school but enjoyed the novelty being home sick.

However, it continued to happen and I finally took her to my other dd's GI doctor. It turns out that my 8yo has Celiac Disease!! And her main symptoms are tummy pain, behavior problems, fatigue, and constipation. In fact she still has constipation even when her CD is controlled and we have to give her a prescription laxative for it.

Although it's good to keep in mind that some kids like to fake illness, sometimes it's real, and it's hard to tell the difference.