need encouragement/advice

[lovingthis]

I am expecting my third baby, and I have been overjoyed to finally getting to plan the homebirth I have long dreamed of- and with the added benefit of knowing that it is the best birth situation for the whole family, older children included.
The problem is, my husband is in the military. I knew ahead of time, from researching these boards, that the only way I could ever get Tricare to pay for a homebirth was with a CNM...and of course, there are no CNM's in my area that provide homebirth ( the closest one said that she considered me to be too far away and that she was already booked for June anyway...and I talkd to her the day i found out I was pg @ barely 4 weeks).

So I found a wonderful CPM and decided to pay out of pocket. I didn't even want to fuss with the insurance and have to hear their judgements.

Problem is, I budgeted to make sure that I could afford it. Then my daughter got very badly hurt while we were on vacation. The military has coverd most of it ( or promises that they will, I have a 30 thousand dollr hospital bill on my desk right now) but there is no guarantee that they will cover the plastic surgery/reconstructive stuff that she may need. I want to know what if she needs something, I can find a way to take care of it.
I am now double teaming and seeing the CNM's at our miltary hospital so I can get my labs and ultrasounds paid for by the military.
ON top of this, we just found out that my hubby may or may not be home in time for the baby's birth. Frankly, I can handle that- he missed our first and barely got there for the second. I labor well alone. BUT with that knowledge, I would also like to hire a doula, to help me out, even if m F-I-L can get here fast enough to help with the other kids ( a neccessity whether i stay home or end up going with the military hospital).
So, I know what is the best birth experience for all of us, but i am trying to figure out how to be a wise mama here. I have debated stopping seeing my midwife ( saving out of pocket expense) and just going with the military ( great progressive CNM program, for the military,but still a hospital birth)...or even stopping seeing my midwife and going with the hospital midwives and having an unnassisted birth. I know all babies are different, but my last one was so fast, and my pushing stage with both as been so(relatively) easy, that i think I could do it just fine. BUT if anything did go wrong, I don't know that I could forgive myself, and I would need someone here to help ( at least with the other kids and I don't know what I could get anyone else on board for that option.....so I am stuck.
The easiest, cheapest thing to do right now would be to give up on staying home- go with the military and do their birth cnter type approach at the army hospital ( assuming a spot opens up for me to be delivered by the midwives there). But in my heart, I feel like it wouldn't be the best way to welcome another baby for my older two kids, and I would always hate that I let logistics steal my dream birth.
I know this is incredibly long, but I would sincerely appreciate any encouragement, advice, etc.
Heather

[70toes]

Oh, I'm so sorry that at a time of such happiness you have such turmoil! Personally, I would stick with the home birth if that's what you really want. I would hate to be indebted to a hospital and surgeons, but they are usually really easy to work out some kind of payment plan with if your insurance doesn't cover all of the care your DD needs. I hope you find a way to work it all out!

[Emmeline II]

Giving up your homebirth won't pay that medical bill, even if you have to pay that much. Medical bills (if you cannot talk them down; try the Finance board for help with that) can usually be paid in installments interest free. If you have a Finance office there may be a counselor that can help you negotiate or the First Shirt.

As a side thing, your dh's supervisor should know what is going on with the med bills in case some starts calling about it.

Also, you may want to review the Soldiers and Sailors Act to see if there is anything helpful for your finances there:

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/sscra/l/blsscra.htm

[lovingthis]

Thank you so much for your response. Well, part of the issue is that the medical bills right now should be bing taken care of- those are for the emergency surgery and immediate care. Tricare hasn't denied them based on coveage, but they denied them because we hadn't given them the information for them to sue the family member who owned the dog that attacked my little girl....nice huh.

Well that part is getting resolved. I am just trying to make wise financal decisions for the long-term, because she is definitely going to need at least some plastic surgery, for the sake of fuction if not asthtics ( here tear ducts were destroyed, which they have decided don't need to be replaced afterall, btu the tendon that opens and closes the eye was severed,and now that it is healing, she can't open her eye all of the way...) Anyhow, insurance should also take care of at least some of that. It's just I came from a home where there was no money to even go to the dr. if we needed to, and so I am always very careful with money- I never want to spend money thinking it is okay and then having something come up that I can't afford to pay myself.
BUT I really do belive this homebirth is best- especially considering what we just went through. The doctors were phenomenal ( at least the ones we dealt with when it all first happened),but it is definitely a place to go whensomething needs to be fixed...not when we are welcoming a perfectly healthy new person, intoa perfectly healthy situation.
So I amresolved to have the HB....just figuring out the best way to do it: Doula, no doula- assissted, unassisted, etc.

[srlpenny]

My DH and I are, in many respects, completely financially irresponsible. But this birth is something you can only do once. Do it the way that you will fell best. The way that you will feel you and your baby will be best taken care of and safest. I don't know that anyone can answer that for you, but whatever you think is best is what you should do an the money will work itself out later. You have your while life to pay things off

[mommy2thegang]

I personally have had two awesome uc's. That said it's something you need to be mentally prepared for. If you are thinking about going that route check out Laura Shanley's site www.unassistedchildbirth.com her forums rock ! But, if it's not for you then don't choose it for fianances. Making a infomed decision is important.