Homebirth in small, not so nice home. Support?

[Teacup9]

I am most likely going to have a homebirth, but I am having trouble getting psyched up for it. The local birthing center risks out to a hospital I refuse to set foot in and I risked out with my son so that is a legitimate fear. The homebirth midwife would deliver me in a different hospital.

Here are my fears. Basically I am looking to hear your experiences and how the things I'm concerned with are no bid deal or how to make them go away.

We rent a house that is not in the best shape. Some of the hardwood floor has split, tiles fall off in the bathroom, paint (not lead) peels in the front room where there is water damage, the lineliom in the kitchen is peeling, etc, etc. The landlord fixes things, but in a quick, let it break again sort of way. It is super hard to get the bathroom to ever feel clean and it doesn't last especially because we spray cloth diapers in there. I spend a lot of time just trying to sweep up after the toddler's four or five meals a day and picking up the toys/books he spreads around the common areas. I never get to do a thorough sweeping much less a mopping or dusting. I suppose we could pay for someone to deep clean around when I am due, but we can't afford this on a regular basis. I feel like I'll be stressed before each prenatal appointment trying to keep the place presentable especially considering she'll be washing her hands in the bathroom. And I suppose midwives are often late or reschedule appointments. I also don't have such a good baby sitting network so I'm worried the toddler will be opening up the midwife's things and finding scalpels to eat (kidding - sorta).

We have outgrown our book shelves and space to put more and almost any free space in the house is used up so while I can "neaten" the house still feels cluttered. I'm afraid the lack of clean lines and the clutter will distract and irritate me during labor. They annoy me a bit when I try to think clearly now.

Our house is sort of small. My husband and I each have our own bed so that crams up the bedroom. We have a front room/living room with a twin bed and a trundle, but I am self conscious because it faces the sidewalk. The dining room table will have to be removed to set up a pool if I want a pool or I might have to get my husband to drag a mattress in there when the time is right. The only other rooms are the small kitchen and bathroom. I know in the Business of Being Born they must have been in cramped NYC apartments, but they didn't look that way.

Has anyone else who isn't the best homemaker given birth in a cluttered small apartment and been able to totally relax? I remember everything irritating me with my son's labor. I just wanted to stare at a plain white wall with no noise and feel cold tile on my bare feet.

[Chamsia]

Hi there. My homebirth was in a total wreck of a house at a time when we had NO ability to improve it. The birth was fine, and the mess didn't get to me, but I am very good (for better or worse) at getting accustomed to anything. The midwives were both over ahead of time, too. I was, and still am, a bit embarrassed about the state of things. But we were in a tough situation and there was nothing I could do. I told them that, with an apology. Midwives are usually quite compassionate people, and they certainly don't want their patient to feel stressed or judged. So they seemed just fine with it. Whether they were inwardly disgusted, I'll never know. So be it.

So I wouldn't worry about the midwife. (Also, I'm sure she can be sensitive to your toddler's safety needs.) However, it sounds like the situation is really bugging you personally. It may seem like a lot to ask, but do you have a friend who would let you birth at her house? Sibling? My midwife also hosted births at her house--maybe yours will. You lose the conveinance of your very own home, but it sounds like safety (from intrusive docs) is your main concern.

You could even rent a hotel room, though that would be the opposite problem (sterile!), and of course you can't predict the labor time/day. And if you do that, I wouldn't tell them you're birthing--people, sadly, get freaked out.

If none of those things will work, then consider some silly solutions to take the focus off the clutter. Once, when I had an immovable pile o' junk, I threw a purple sheet over it and called it Grimace. It looked silly, but one big purple blob is less cluttersome than the myriad of books and boxes beneath. Hang pretty tapestries, or plain sheets, over the wall so you don't see the peely paint. The bathroom is tough, and so important...I guess just keep a spray bottle of vinegar water and spray/wipe around several times a day, so you know it is clean even though it feels gross. I had those same awful splintering-apart-and-catching-every-nasty-morsel wood floors where I birthed. Our child wasn't yet born but we lived on a farm so who knows what was living in there!!! You just have to do your best. My toddler has her own wee broom and dustpan. She actually gets up some of the "yuckies", and it also helps her to be cooperative and cheer me on, so I sweep more often. They also sell weird shoes with mop rugs on the bottom. I've not tried them, but maybe they'd help?!

Small improvements to your home may help you feel a lot better about it, and help to create that peaceful space you'll need. You could also do some sort of ritual cleansing a few weeks before your EDD--burn some sage and bless the house.

Best wishes!!! -Carolyn

[rumi79]

Well, I don't have experience with homebirth but I am planning one in my small rancher in the middle of nowhere. The good thing is that hte house is just renovated - it took us two, almost three years to finish with painting, remodelin, etc... This summer I will send the floors again so it will look cleaner. Our rooms are very small and cluttered too, and with my 2 years old son around it's impossible to see them tidy. So, my plan is to clean everything out of his room - a crib, a toddler bed and toys and put them in the basement or in the other bedroom and that will be my birthing room At least is much easier to control the cleaniness of one small room than the whole house. Good luck!

[evjolin]

I have no advice for the birth, as I haven't been through one myself yet!! But I can tell you how to deal with clutter and a constant state of CHAOS (can't have anyone over soon)....Sign up for the Fly Lady. Make a control journal, and start with the baby steps. It REALLY does work. She even has areas on her website for FLYing with babies and during pregnancy.

http://www.flylady.net/

Good luck--you can do it :-) Oh--one other option if you can afford it is a Professional Organizer. So much of having a cluttered and/or messy home is psychological, and it can really help to have some hand-holding and guidance. One of my friends' mom's is one and you should HEAR her stories. You aren't alone :-)

http://www.napo.net/

[BrooklynDoula]

This is your home, a place you feel comfortable being in everyday - it will be fine for your birth even ifthere are things about it you don't like. I have attended a number of homebirths in all sorts of living situations (huge brownstones to one-room places with a shared bathroom) and it has always been great. The midwife you choose will be great with your son and let him help her in safe ways so that he can be involved in the process. She won't likely bring that many things into your home with her for prenatals and your son might enjoy helping with things like the doppler or the tap measurer (my son loved both).

You might want to create a little space that feels right to you (like the option of the pool in the dining room) but I know for myself when I had a homebirth and for my cleints, people have just walked around clutter or laundry on the floor, ingnored unmade beds or piles of toys, and gone inward to a peaceful and uncluttered space.

I think your concerns are valid and you will want to work with them so that you feel safe and peaceful during your pregnancy and birth, but also think your home is a perfect place to bring your baby into the breathing world, no matter the state of the bookshelves and such.

Congrats!
Megan

[annettemarie]

Moving to the homebirth forum since this isn't an issue specific to living in NYC.

[durafemina]

honestly, when I go to someone's house for a birth, I couldn't care less about the dusting or clutter. I remember one house there was no soap in the bathroom and it was unheated (in the winter but that's because those factors impacted on my midwifery work.
otherwise, just try and make yourself comfy. I had dd at my mum's small, old, cluttered house and it was totally fine.
Although my mother did wash the floor where the dog's litter tray was when I was in early labour

[femalephish]

Thank you for asking this question and thanks for all the great answers!
I live in a tiny home too, and have been a little worried about how my midwives would deal with it- I'm happy to hear that the boards midwives/doulas have seen it before!

[laralee16]

I had this talk with my midwives last month. I sware, I should pay them for being my physiologists (sp?) also, lol!

For me, I had to come to the conclusion that I am NEVER gonna be the person with a spic-n-span house, I'm just not. It is not dirty, it is just old and lived in. I have a 2 and 1/2 year old who makes daily messes for me to clean up. Will my house be super uber clean when I go in to labor? heck no. Will it still be my home, with my "mess", that I am used to, and that I live with every day? yup.

BUT I am ok with that, as are my midwives.

I guess my whole point is that I know how you feel, I am right there along with you.

Talk to your midwife, tell her how you are feeling. s

[MidwifeErika]

I have been in small houses for births and it is OK. Midwives are used to ALL sorts of thing, big dogs, toilets that don't work, pet pigs, houses without working plumbing or running water, houses where 5 families live together, 9 children standing around watching the birth, etc,etc, etc. Make sure just a few things before the birth: be sure there is a clear place for the midwife to put her things, be sure there is a path to the door incase of an emergency, Have a sink clean enough for the midwife to scrub her hands up, and have a place where the midwife can sit. Otherwise, really don't worry about it! It will be fine! I don't judge because I am just glad clients aren't seeing my house

[ellee]

Originally Posted by Teacup9

Has anyone else who isn't the best homemaker given birth in a cluttered small apartment and been able to totally relax? I remember everything irritating me with my son's labor. I just wanted to stare at a plain white wall with no noise and feel cold tile on my bare feet.

I don't know if I have any advice, but I can sympathize with this! I'm planning a homebirth in a small apt and have definite sensory issues with 'clutter' and 'stuff' around when I need to relax, especially with a midwife, assistant, and husband around. It's not the midwives comfort level I worry about, but my own. I'm the kind of person who would be happy living someplace with no furniture.

But, every time I get freaked out, I think about how much more unpleasant it would be in a hospital with drs and nurses running in and out, etc. I also went on a big cleaning binge and got rid of lots of stuff and reordered storage spaces and closets. I may even shove a few pieces of furniture into our storage space around the time I'm due, just to get more open space.

[lindsayjean]

My homebirth will be in a small, cluttered house (there is simply no closet space and while I don't think we have THAT much stuff... it still looks cluttered IMO). I'm not sure exactly how it will work, and I am sure I will be cleaning like a madwoman in my 3rd trimester anyway (but it is appealing to me that this will make me make the house ready for a newborn, kwim?)... but this is so much less of a concern for me when I consider my only other option- a hospital birth. Yeah... I'll take my itty bitty, old cluttered house over a hospital birth I think!!

I think it's good to come to terms with it however you can. Don't worry about others, worry about yourself. And make the changes you can and don't stress about the rest!

[emmaegbert]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Moving to the homebirth forum since this isn't an issue specific to living in NYC.

lol I don't know about that... as a currently displaced New Yorker I am not sure other people appreciate just HOW small and crummy apartments can be...

At least Brooklyn/NYC midwives will be used to the cake-frosting-thick-peeling-paint and all that stuff.

(oh, and like everyone else said, I am sure your MW won't mind or judge you. But paying for a decluttering/cleaning around week 36 might feel really nice though, just for you)

FWIW I live in a cluttered and ugly apartment where I am planning to birth- though its huge by NYC standards (850 sf). Also first floor and people can look right in if they wish (I'll draw the blinds though if I'm feeling weird about that). I am really hoping my mom comes right before the birth and works her magic (she's a pretty lazy housekeeper at her own house, but boy she has no tolerance for our mess).