Originally Posted by NYCVeg
As the mom of an only child by choice, I can assure that commenting on your child's decision to have only one would likely not change his/her mind, but only breed resentment. Dh and I know very well what is best for OUR family, and no one on the outside is in a position to judge that. The snide comments that a few family members have made to us certainly do nothing to counteract the extremely well-researched and well-thought out emotional, professional, psychological, and financial reasons for our decision--but they do annoy the heck out of us.
Having been on the receiving end of comments on my family size, I feel very strongly about judging dd for hers--I don't care if she wants to have none, or one, or half a dozen, as long as she and her family are happy and healthy.
I'd like to add, on the "making comments" subject, in general. Tread carefully.
I think that parents would generally know about these things, but maybe not. DS1 was not an only child by choice. He was an only child, for 10 years, because I was firstly unable to get pregnant, and then unable to carry a child to term. While I was experiencing
my third miscarriage (still bleeding), a co-worker caught me in the lunch room and got on a kick about how my son deserved siblings. Now, I actually happened to agree with her. Having an only wasn't
right for me, and ds1 would have loved
a sibling. She just would not drop it. I tried to get out of the conversation several times, and ended up saying, "I agree completely. I'm actually miscarrying a potential sibling right now
." I walked away.
Is it likely that dd would be having those problems without my knowledge? Probably not. I'm still going to keep my mouth shut. My reproductive life has caused me more pain than anything else I've ever experienced, and people's random commentary on it makes me nuts
. I would hate myself if I found out, after telling ds1 that I thought his child "needed" a sibling, that his partner had fertility issues, but didn't want them discussed, yk? I don't comment on anyone else's family size, so I won't do it to my kids.