Teens and Condoms

[barbara73069]

A friend of mine who I teach with was talking yesterday about her first time buying her 15 yr old dd condoms. My friend said that she bought her daughter a variety of condoms at first, lubed, extra lubed, ribbed, flavored, etc. so her daughter could experiment to find out what kind she liked best. Now I had never thought of that idea with my dd but I thought it really made alot of sense. I bought condoms for my daughter at first but I really never thought of getting her a variety to try out. Has anyone else done this before?

[love2all]

My dd is 13 and I have not done this yet but I plan in the next year or two or three (whenever she gets an interest in boys) to not only buy condoms but to get a banana and make sure SHE KNOWS how to put it on. I will not leave it up to the boy...!!!

[Minky]

I don't plan on doing anything like this with my daughter unless she requests it. I remember having to do the "condom onto bannana" thing in high school when I was nowhere near ready to be sexually active and I found it humiliating.

I'd have been mortified and insulted if my mother had bought me condoms or tried to make me practice with them as I'd made a commitment with myself not to be sexually active until marriage, even though my mother hadn't promoted that sort of thing.

[NiteNicole]

No. I don't belong that much in my daughter's sex life. It is her own, and it is not my job or place to get that involved. I hope to instill in her that if she is not grown up enough to deal with condoms (buying or otherwise), then she is really not grown up enough to have sex.

It is my job to help set her up to make emotionally healthy choices and to impress upon her the importance of birth control and personal protection - the rest is HERS and not MINE and I really think it's crossing all kind of boundaries to start helping her decide "what she likes." I really question why any parent would be so controling and seek to be so involved.

[Vancouver Mommy]

When my nephews got to an age where my sister thought they might be sexually active she bought a huge box of condoms and left them in the bathroom. She never said a word, and although she hoped they would have talked to her about sex, she also knew there was a chance that they wouldn't and she wanted them (and their friends) to have access to protection.

[MaShroom]

Originally Posted by love2all

My dd is 13 and I have not done this yet but I plan in the next year or two or three (whenever she gets an interest in boys) to not only buy condoms but to get a banana and make sure SHE KNOWS how to put it on. I will not leave it up to the boy...!!!

Amen!! Something every girl should know for sure!

OP, I think that's a great idea. It familiarizes a teen with condoms so they don't have any weird embarrassment about them and are familiar and comfortable with using them. I remember when I was younger we were embarrassed to talk about condoms but everyone was doing the deed and not batting an eye. Seriously displaced embarrassment. Maybe if I'd gotten a box of condoms and a banana I wouldn't have gotten knocked up when I was 18...

[claddaghmom]

I'd be more worried about the age of the bf she is going to be putting those things onto than what her fave flavor and style was.

[SuzyLee]

I do not have a teen but...

I think the idea of putting a big box in the bathroom is awesome. It makes them available, but they don't have to talk to their MOM about it.,..ewww...

My mom worked in the Student Helth Center at the university I attended, and they always had baskets of condoms out. The baskets in out of the way places, like the bathroom, would get emptied fast. The baskets right on the front counter stayed full. No one wants to be grabbing condoms in front of a crowd.

[mcmamacoco]

Interesting

Hopefully they know what they are doing.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

No. I don't belong that much in my daughter's sex life. It is her own, and it is not my job or place to get that involved. I hope to instill in her that if she is not grown up enough to deal with condoms (buying or otherwise), then she is really not grown up enough to have sex.

It is my job to help set her up to make emotionally healthy choices and to impress upon her the importance of birth control and personal protection - the rest is HERS and not MINE and I really think it's crossing all kind of boundaries to start helping her decide "what she likes." I really question why any parent would be so controling and seek to be so involved.

:

I would probably leave a few condoms in an easy to find spot in the bathroom...just in case. But that is it.

I really would have been icked out if my mom had bought me different kinds of condoms - quite frankly by the time I was have sex, I was well able to experiment by purchasing all sorts of different condoms on my own.

[allgirls]

They get them at the schools here. They are available in the nurses office, in the waiting room and in the two private bathrooms.


If they weren't available easily at school I would provide them

[ziggy]

I would have died if my mother did that to me. Like, died, came back to life, thrown up, and then died again.

[BedHead]

I've told my kids, and reiterated frequently, that if they want condoms to let me know and I will buy them. None of them have asked yet - maybe they never will. But I'd rather they ask than I just do it.

[Raene]

Originally Posted by barbara73069

A friend of mine who I teach with was talking yesterday about her first time buying her 15 yr old dd condoms. My friend said that she bought her daughter a variety of condoms at first, lubed, extra lubed, ribbed, flavored, etc. so her daughter could experiment to find out what kind she liked best. Now I had never thought of that idea with my dd but I thought it really made alot of sense. I bought condoms for my daughter at first but I really never thought of getting her a variety to try out. Has anyone else done this before?

I'm just lurking b/c I don't have a teen yet, but I am amazed and wish I'd had such awesome parents myself. My mom would have died before she talked to me about anything sexual, and she is a nurse!!

You are awesome!

[Raene]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

No. I don't belong that much in my daughter's sex life. It is her own, and it is not my job or place to get that involved. I hope to instill in her that if she is not grown up enough to deal with condoms (buying or otherwise), then she is really not grown up enough to have sex.

It is my job to help set her up to make emotionally healthy choices and to impress upon her the importance of birth control and personal protection - the rest is HERS and not MINE and I really think it's crossing all kind of boundaries to start helping her decide "what she likes." I really question why any parent would be so controling and seek to be so involved.

This was my mother's attitude completely. I used to wish that she would ask me about my life and when I'd voice my wish, she'd say "your personal life is yours...i don't want to know, just like i'm not going to tell you about mine".
I resented that attitude and wished she'd talked to me. I still wish we had the type of relationship my friends and their parents do, where they freely talk about personal issues.

[NiteNicole]

My daughter is always ALWAYS welcome to ask me anything about anything. She's still only small but just because I won't involve myself THAT directly in her sex life, that doesn't mean we won't talk openly AT ALL.

When I was in my teens, I saw the results of parents either trying to be way too involved or more "friends" than parents and it wasn't good. Either the child ended up hiding EVERYTHING in an attempt to have some privacy or they just found their parents downright embarassing and silly so their advice seemed unreliable. In one instance I remember thinking, ok at what point has the line been crossed into some kind of abuse - not that buying condoms is any kind of abuse but you have GOT to be willing to hear your kid's cues and back OFF even if it interfers with your ideals of being a sex-positive parent. I would think most people don't want their parents involved in their sex lives.

[PikkuMyy]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

No. I don't belong that much in my daughter's sex life. It is her own, and it is not my job or place to get that involved. I hope to instill in her that if she is not grown up enough to deal with condoms (buying or otherwise), then she is really not grown up enough to have sex.

It is my job to help set her up to make emotionally healthy choices and to impress upon her the importance of birth control and personal protection - the rest is HERS and not MINE and I really think it's crossing all kind of boundaries to start helping her decide "what she likes." I really question why any parent would be so controling and seek to be so involved.

I understand what you are saying here but I have to point out that while parents would like what I've bolded to be true, the fact is that many teens who can't handle the experience of buying condoms at a store will still go on to have sex.

There's definitely a middle ground between that view and helping her decide what she likes, like buying condoms and leaving them in an accessible place (like in a bag under the bathroom sink) and letting your kids know they are for anyone to use. Or buying some and giving them to your child with a quick note "Whether you are having sex or not, it's important to have some of these around."