The Official Rude Comments Thread

[penstamon]

I have seen this thread while lurking in other DDC's and I thought it was a great idea! Although we have had numerous rude comments so far, here are my two favorites:

A good friend, right after we told him:

"Be careful what you wish for!" (I've probably already ranted about this, but c'mon!)

My assistant at school (22) freaked out about her future:

"I need to have kids in the next few years or so I will still be alive when they grow up. I don't want to wait until I'm old, like 30 or something"

And you will be dead, because I killed you? (I'm 30 now and she knows it!)

[durafemina]

my mother when we told her: what, so are you just going to keep on having 10 kids now?

er, this is #2. . . and so what if we were!

[wencit]

So many people, when I've told them that we're having #2, have said to me that I "HAVE" to have a girl. Um, first of all, it's not like I have a choice in the matter. And secondly, what is so wrong about having 2 boys? Should I not love #2 as much because he has a penis?

[rjruiz_415]

Well, a librarian asked me if I was crazy... Two different days, about a week apart. First she says I am crazy for having a third, and when my response to "are you done now" was "heck no" she said I was even crazier.... I do not even know this woman...

[KimProbable]

Oh my Mom let a good one slip a little while back. She asked if we had names in mind and I told her Finnegan Tate and Molly Beatrice and she responded "Really? I guess when I call them I'll just be yelling 'Hey you!' then". In her defense, she realized a few days later what a dumb thing it was to say and retracted her statement. But geez!

[FiveLittleMonkeys]

From the wife of one of my dh's colleagues: "You're absolutely huge! Are you sure there is only one in there?"

From my mother: "Well, I guess this is good news. But it's really your sister's turn." (FTR, sister JUST got married last summer and has no plans to have a baby anytime soon)

From assorted people: "You DO know what causes this, don't you?" (Yeah, I sure do. Several injections and months of IUIs)

Also from assorted people, including relatives: "Wow...was it planned?" (Very.)

I don't understand what gives people the idea that saying negative stuff is okay just because you're pregnant. Kind of like people rubbing my belly uninvited.

[veganmama719]

Oh I will get a pile of them when I "come out" (which will be shortly because it's starting to get very obvious).

Most of them will centre on my "craziness" for having 3 kids when I already have a girl and a boy and how hard it will be in my profession (this is true but do you not think I've thought about that people?).

The remainder will focus on how damn old I am. And will be when the baby is grown up.

Yes, I realize I will be 60 when this child graduates from highschool. I can indeed add folks, I pretty much do math for a living.

And then a few people will be very supportive and sweet.

[songbird45]

Originally Posted by FiveLittleMonkeys

Also from assorted people, including relatives: "Wow...was it planned?" (Very.)

This one shows up in every "stupid comments" thread. I don't really understand why people get offended by it. You either cheerfully answer, "yup! we're so excited!" or you cheerfully answer, "it was a very happy surprise!" It's not like they're asking for raunchy details or anything.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Originally Posted by songbird45

This one shows up in every "stupid comments" thread. I don't really understand why people get offended by it. You either cheerfully answer, "yup! we're so excited!" or you cheerfully answer, "it was a very happy surprise!" It's not like they're asking for raunchy details or anything.

I think that it is rude because it falls into the none-of-your-business category. If a couple wishes to share that information, cool, but it seems a little rude to ask. It also could imply that the person asking the question is thinking either a) Why on earth would you want another kid - it must be a mistake or b) Don't you know how to use BC?

[vonn's_mama]

Ooh, ooh, I do have one. I was feeling like - wow, everyone's being so nice to me, but I guess I just forget easily. I've had a couple of people at work jokingly say that perhaps they shouldn't drink the water here because so many women at my work are pregnant right now. When they said that, I remember thinking, "ouch," but I had to let it go because I have to keep working with them. There really are so many levels of wrong with that comment though.

[christibale]

When I got pregnant the last time I was asked if the baby had been conceived in Greece by almost everyone I asked.

Whose business is that?

[alicewyf]

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot

I think that it is rude because it falls into the none-of-your-business category. If a couple wishes to share that information, cool, but it seems a little rude to ask. It also could imply that the person asking the question is thinking either a) Why on earth would you want another kid - it must be a mistake or b) Don't you know how to use BC?

Exactly. No one has asked us that yet, but I did have a comeback ready for the "Were you trying?" question. I never got to use it, thank goodness.

"Why yes. We tried very, VERY hard." And then make suggestive eyes at my husband and rub his arm.

I figure I can make other people uncomfortable if they make me uncomfortable!

[vonn's_mama]

Originally Posted by alicewyf

I figure I can make other people uncomfortable if they make me uncomfortable!

the problem is when it happens at work. I've gotten the, "were you trying" question, and I have to be polite about it. :

[mamaveggie]

Step-mil "What are you going to do?" Um WHAT? That is the only one that sticks out in my mind and I think it might have been jealousy. Her two daughters don't have any yet, one was pregnant and had a mc then got divorced. The other is a lesbian who told everyone out right that she isn't having kids and would rather be an aunt. Still this is only our third and we wanted three and everyone knows that.

[songbird45]

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot

I think that it is rude because it falls into the none-of-your-business category. If a couple wishes to share that information, cool, but it seems a little rude to ask. It also could imply that the person asking the question is thinking either a) Why on earth would you want another kid - it must be a mistake or b) Don't you know how to use BC?

Huh, I guess I never saw it as a particularly personal question (and having gone through IF, I've had my share of weird and prying questions and comments.) I'm not trying to say that people are being oversensitive, I just didn't realize it was a personal question and figure most people don't realize that it might make you uncomfortable.

I got a lot of questions along the lines of "when are you going to have kids" when I was going through IF treatments but nothing but positive responses when people have found out I was pg.

[Quindin]

From a total stranger 3 weeks ago (I was 14 wk): "So you are about to pop"
Me: "No, I am due in July"
Cashier lady: "OMG! Are you sure? You look so huge"



And about jealousy from relatives...
My MIL is upset that I am on baby 6. She had 7 (2 with her first husband, 5 with FIL) and apparently I threatening her "record" (like I even think about that! ).
When she was here this summer, she went on and on about how I HAD To get fixed because I could barely manage the ones I had. She went on about what a "great mom" she had been (according to DH and his siblings, she was FAR from it!).
Well, she did not say anything nasty when we announced the pregnancy, but she has again started, saying I cannot manage my kids.

[learnlovebe]

I got the "Was it planned?" from my mil. It was the 2nd thing she said after "Oh, that's suprising news." Later, she went on and on about how surprised her husband was when she told him (my fil, obviously).

What makes it rude to me is:
1) this is ONLY #2 (what is she going to say NEXT time??!??!?!?! I plan on having at least 3 children!)
2) ds is 18 months old, will be 2 years, almost 2 months when this little one gets here (her 2 boys are 4 years apart, evidently the PERFECT and ONLY spacing that's normal)
3) I plan EVERYTHING. Seriously. She knows this. The week of our wedding I had CHARTS hanging in our hallway of things to do, people to pay, the week's schedule. I have lists everywhere, my calendar goes with me everywhere. I plan my meals for 2 weeks, then I make my grocery list, which is then cross-referneced with what's on sale. Why on earth would she think I WOULDN'T plan this?

So to me, this is a rude comment. I don't take it personally, she's just going to have to get over it and realize that not everyone plans their family to her standards.

[learnlovebe]

Originally Posted by Quindin

From a total stranger 3 weeks ago (I was 14 wk): "So you are about to pop"
Me: "No, I am due in July"
Cashier lady: "OMG! Are you sure? You look so huge"

What is it with cashiers and thier big mouths!?!?! I got the same comment when I still had over 2 months to go when I was pg w/ my ds.

One of my friends, who was BARELY showing at the time, had a cashier at Target start a conversation with her then 3 year old daughter...."So, young lady, are you ready to be a big sister?" My friend was APPALLED, she and her husband had just told their daughter the news themselves recently- what if they hadn't told her yet?!?!

THEN, the same cashier, not picking up on the fact that her conversation was no wanted, Asked about names. When my friend tried the "we aren't telling anyone" route, thinking that would shut her up, the cashier then started suggesting names to her. From that day on, my friend refuses to get in that womans' check out lane.

[Sk8ermaiden]

I think the "were you trying" or "was it a surprise" question is about the rudest and most personal question that a person who doesn't know you intimately can ask about a pregnancy. What on earth business is it of theirs!?? I do feel that people are VERY judgmental about people who get pregnant accidentally, and that is the only reason I could see that they would ask. :

[NaturalMindedMomma]

We have a blended family. My DF has 2 children and I have 1. He lost a child at birth last year with his ex girlfriend.

This baby was not an OOPS. I messed up my pills for 3 days and then started with break through bleeding. We had unprotected sex and well, here comes baby, not really PLANNED but not avoided. I discontinued the pill thinking i would not get pregnant anyway (although secretly hoping for a little one)

My mom and I are on the phone the other day and she says, he IS having a vasectomy, right? I'm sorry, why is it HIS job to protect us from pregnancy and WHY the heck would he do something so final at 24 years old??? She told me that we are not financially ready to add another after this baby. Ok, yes, I agree, but why a PERMANENT procedure?????? I CAN protect myself and our family, but we may want more children in the future she just couldn't grasp that we would want more children. She kept saying how fertile DF is and that a vasectomy would be best... WTF????

Today, I said a dumb thing. I felt very bad after and apologized. I saw a couple who have 2 boys, one is 22 months and the baby is 8 months. Meaning she got pg pretty much right away. I did not do the math and said, "Yeah my stepkids are a year apart, I told their mom she was crazy!" I did the math in my head and realized they were not that far off from this age difference. I apologized and felt really bad. i think kids are great and ALOT of them is great too, but I KNOW I could not handle kids that close. I actually applaud people who do, but I really didn't mean it negatively. I apologized anyway.

We all say silly things sometimes, but it doesn't make it any less annoying.