The Official Rude Comments Thread - Page 2

[mangofandango]

"was it planned?"

This one really bugs me, for a few reasons.

First, consider if it was an unplanned pregnancy. People don't seem to reat that as if it's a big deal when you're married (just because you're married, I think) - but it can be a really freaking huge deal. The pain and fear and confusion that can come with an unplanned pregnancy is very, very big - and there can be difficult decisions involved. I didn't expect to be pregnant. I had taken the morning-after pill, in fact. I had to decide whether I wanted to remain pregnant, and I decided that I did - but I don't want to have to smile and say "why yes, I was very happily surprised" because...I wasn't very happily surprised. I also don't like lying, though I have taken to hedging and simply saying "It was a plan, it just happened sooner than I expected", because that is true - I did want to be pregnant eventually, just not yet. Basically, that question puts you on the spot and forces you to say SOMETHING, and frankly, it really bothers me to be put in that position over and over again. I knew I would be put there, but it still bothers me that people feel that's an acceptable, casual question to ask. I talked to my close friends about the whole thing, and they know the story. But I don't like having it brought up by strangers, and for people to think that there is no possible way anunplanned pregnancy could be unwelcome just because of where a person is in life is inaccurate and unfair.

I think it's just a reflexive question people ask,a long iwth 'will you find out the sex" and "were you super sick" and all those other things. It just...that's why it bothers me.

I talked to my my brother-in-law about it once, and he suggested some cathartic, rude things I could say. I won't say them because I know people mean well, but it was fun to think about! Things like..."You know, it wasn't planned, but thank goodness I know who the father is!" Or "Years of anal sex, and the minute we try vaginal - BAM!"

[plantmama]

haha, laughing at the last post.
I agree that it's an invasive question. I say thoughtless well meaning things more often than I should but saying that would just make me blush. I mean you are basically asking about someone's sex life and birth control.
I mean if the answer's yes, it means the couple was probably having either lots of sex or planned sex. If it's no then they messed up they're birth control method or whatever.
I messed up on charting (I don't temp so that's my main problem) and vented to most of my friends about it so I wasn't asked.
MIL had some pretty annoying things to say: "Now you have to move" and "Now you have to buy a minivan, there's just no other way". As well as questioning if we can afford 3 kids, how we have to use better birth control. It's not like she supports us. Very annoying!

[penstamon]

I hate the "was it planned" question too, because although it was I feel real uncomfortable about sharing that fact. So many people follow it with "I know you were trying"- BUT, we never told anyone we were trying! They just assumed that we were because we got married this summer after 9 years together. So, yeah, that upsets me.

Here is one I just heard from a friend, who was 9 months pg at the time. Her mean neighbor had his dogs off leash and they were attacking my friends dogs (on leash), so she asked him to get his dogs. He became verbally abusive, and she explained that she was pg and was afraid of slipping on the ice untangling the dogs. To which he replied "Oh, I thought you were just a fat b*tch" :

[springbride]

Oooh I've got one!

Last week at work, my boss comes up to me and puts her arm around my shoulder saying, "look, you've got a little baby belly! Well, I bet people just think you're getting fat because it kind of looks more like chub than baby"
GRR
I wanted to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry that you're feeling bad about yourself today, but you don't have to make fun of me to make yourself feel better"

But I just smiled. Seriously, some people have NO tact meter!

[kellykins]

so, this isnt horrible, but my neighbor - who's known of my pregnancy since I was like 7 weeks, saw me for the first time in about a month yesterday (our kids like to play together alot when its not freezing out - so its not like she is a strnager or something by any stretch.) And one of the first things she said to me was "Are you ever gonna get a biiig belly??" Like I have something to do with my size. And the convo continued on to morning sickness, and I explained I had been getting sick anytime I would get hungry, my body felt sick instead. Her respose? "Oh, that must be why you're still so little"... UM HELLO I am a super small boned person and am just "small" to start with and you KNOW I eat relatively healthily (OK super healthy comparitively) what did you expect, me to blow up like a balloon overnight???
:

[Snuzzmom]

Originally Posted by mangofandango

"Years of anal sex, and the minute we try vaginal - BAM!"

Heh. This is exactly the kind of thing my husband would say.

People keep asking me to stand in profile, which isn't really rude, I guess... just mildly annoying. I'm like, "Sure! This is called FAT."

[BlueWolf]

I got one...

Monday I wore maternity clothes for the first time. My mother had bought me a pair of jeans and some really cute tops for my birthday on the 6th. So, I wore my jeans and this cute gray, empire waist top to work. The two other women in the office cornered me and were demanding to know if I was wearing maternity clothes. Up until then, I've been hiding myself under baggy sweat shirts. So, I admitted I was finally wearing maternity clothes. Coworker A exclaimed "Oh you look so cute, and you LOOK pregnant!" while coworker B is examing me and then says "I don't think you look pregnant at all." She basically just said I looked fat! Coworker A got disgruntled on my behalf saying "No, she definitely looks pregnant." Coworker B just shook her head and walked away.

For the record though... I don't like coworker B because she is VERY high maintenance and a total jerk sometimes. She doesn't like me either and generally avoids me because I don't put up with her rude comments. So, I think she was just either being A. thoughtless or B. spiteful. She hasn't been happy for me since I announced I was pregnant.

[BlueWolf]

Oh and here's another one, although not as annoying.

After we first told my parents we were expecting, my mom says "I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a grandmother." I just looked at her and said "You don't get a vote."

[haren.13]

I had a well meaning but very honest friend tell me that I was getting a little junk in my trunk. Awesome :P

[femalephish]

The last two posts made me laugh out loud!

[freezehead]

-i was cold called the other day about a class i had inquired about last year. when told it would be running again, i declined saying i was rather busy for the next few months. she persisted and i mentioned that i had a lot on my plate with my two children and the fact that i was now also expecting. her reply? "OH NO!!!!" (made me laugh)

-when people tell me "OOOOOH! look how much you're showing now! or MY how you've popped out" i pat my belly and explain- "this? this is actually just guts and pushed out intestines- the baby's actually down here. (patting below my belly button)"

[learnlovebe]

Originally Posted by freezehead

-when people tell me "OOOOOH! look how much you're showing now! or MY how you've popped out" i pat my belly and explain- "this? this is actually just guts and pushed out intestines- the baby's actually down here. (patting below my belly button)"

This just made me lol for real.

[Avani]

Well today i was asked when i was due, any minute she says? No, i say, not till July 1st. Seriously i must be showing more then even i thought!

[Amberoxy]

I had what I thought was a very pretty name picked out - Annabelle - and my mother told me it sounded like the name of a cow. I thought that was really rude. She's very good a being rude though. Considering the name I got saddled with, I don't know how she can feel like she has the right to comment! We ended up not using Annabelle because my husband didn't like it but I don't even want to tell her the name we are using now because I don't want to hear what she'll say. We're naming our little girl Anika...

[Kim Allen]

Not part of your ddc but i had to post. My husbands Step mother Told me she could tell if its a boy or girl by the way im carrying. If its a boy i will be big all over and if its a girl i will be big only in the belly. I stoof up to leave that day and she says "Oh hunny your definantly having a boy"

[georgiegirl1974]

Originally Posted by Kim Allen

Not part of your ddc but i had to post. My husbands Step mother Told me she could tell if its a boy or girl by the way im carrying. If its a boy i will be big all over and if its a girl i will be big only in the belly. I stoof up to leave that day and she says "Oh hunny your definantly having a boy"

When I was pg with DD, someone told me they could tell is was going to be a girl, because when you are pg with a girl, you get back fat. Nice...

[amydiane]

I was at my best friend's house today for a birthday party for her DS. Her parents were there and they have never been overly fond of me, but we get along okay now at such events. They didn't know ahead of time that I'm pregnant, but it was fairly obvious and someone mentioned it at some point. BF's dad said, "She's not pregnant, she's fat!"

I'm pretty sure he meant it as a joke, but it just came across weird. I wasn't actually offended, I know I'm not fat (I'm a size 6 normally and all the preggo weight is definitely in my belly). But I wasn't sure if he was kinda taking a shot at me or not.

[vonn's_mama]

I was at pre-natal yoga on Saturday, and this poor first time mom who is 29 weeks pregnant said that she keeps coming home crying from events because everyone is saying that she looks huge for her due date and acting shocked when she says she has 11 weeks left. I told her about this thread on our ddc and that everyone is getting comments like that right now. She said that hearing that made her feel a lot better. All of the moms who were sitting there waiting for class to start gave her ideas for comebacks and assured her that we get those comments too, so I'm sure that helped as well. Really though! I've decided that from now on I'm going to say, "actually, my midwife says I'm measuring perfectly for how far along I am." That turns it around on them and makes their comment more reflective of their ignorance than my body. Also, it doesn't sound rude to say, nor should it make them feel too awkward (not sure why I care, but I still feel weird about making people feel awkward even if they don't).

[mangofandango]

This may fall more under "passive aggressive comments from one's mother" than rude comments about one's body, but it still bugged me, so I share:

We found out the sex of our baby but did not tell most people. My mother, upon visiting this weekend, spent a lot of time trying to get me to slip up and use a pronoun - which okay, I could handle that with reasonably good humor. But then she said ("jokingly") that I "shouldn't have found out yourself if you didn't want to tell us." Her jokes, they are not so much jokes. I thought that was kind of bitchy, but my mom has a real skill at saying things like that in a totally deniable, "I was just kidding" kind of way. GRR.

[SequoiasMom]

Ugh, just wanted to add my experience.
I was at Babies r us (of all places!) and the cashier asked me if I was almost due....I guffawed, seriously, and said, nooooo, not due until July. THEN, she said "wow, you have a really long way to go" or something like that.
You would think someone who works around preggos all day could tell the diff between 20 weeks and 40 weeks!

Now I am self conscious about wearing tighter shirts....grrr.