"was it planned?"This one really bugs me, for a few reasons.
First, consider if it was an unplanned pregnancy. People don't seem to reat that as if it's a big deal when you're married (just because you're married, I think) - but it can be a really freaking huge deal. The pain and fear and confusion that can come with an unplanned pregnancy is very, very big - and there can be difficult decisions involved. I didn't expect to be pregnant. I had taken the morning-after pill, in fact. I had to decide whether I wanted to remain pregnant, and I decided that I did - but I don't want to have to smile and say "why yes, I was very happily surprised" because...I wasn't very happily surprised. I also don't like lying, though I have taken to hedging and simply saying "It was a plan, it just happened sooner than I expected", because that is true - I did want to be pregnant eventually, just not yet. Basically, that question puts you on the spot and forces you to say SOMETHING, and frankly, it really bothers me to be put in that position over and over again. I knew I would be put there, but it still bothers me that people feel that's an acceptable, casual question to ask. I talked to my close friends about the whole thing, and they know the story. But I don't like having it brought up by strangers, and for people to think that there is no possible way anunplanned pregnancy could be unwelcome just because of where a person is in life is inaccurate and unfair.
I think it's just a reflexive question people ask,a long iwth 'will you find out the sex" and "were you super sick" and all those other things. It just...that's why it bothers me.
I talked to my my brother-in-law about it once, and he suggested some cathartic, rude things I could say. I won't say them because I know people mean well, but it was fun to think about! Things like..."You know, it wasn't planned, but thank goodness I know who the father is!" Or "Years of anal sex, and the minute we try vaginal - BAM!"