Poll: Intimacy after baby

[mzminty]

Hey mamas!

I have a question for those of you who've had your babies. As you're waiting for the magic "six weeks" to pass before you have the green light to DTD, what, if anything, is keeping your love life alive?

I really miss my DH, and snuggling before bed is nice when we have time for it, but it's also...not enough. I know that romance automatically takes a back seat to falling in love with your baby, but honestly I'd be ready for more if my body was!

Do you and/or your DH's have no problem letting your love life take a back seat for six weeks, or do you find other ways to keep things interesting?

Give it to me straight, mamas!

[andbabymakes4]

I mentally wanted sex long before my body was ready after my first. Even with our first attempt at 6 weeks pp it was me mentally ready and my body was not. It's hard missing that.

[laurelg]

I'm 2w5d PP now and mentally ready. Physically, I don't think so. I'm not really having any pain, but my tear (which required stitches) doesn't look completely healed, and I'm still bleeding. I think I will continue to wait until a) I can't see stitches anymore and b) the bleeding has stopped or close to it.

Speaking of stitches - when should those be disappearing, anybody know? They're the dissolving kind, but I'm not sure what exactly they usually do...

[Kimmiepie]

I haven't had my baby this time yet, but I can give you my past experiences.

We usually don't wait very long. I have never waited the 6 weeks, as I didn't feel it was necessary. I did what my body told me to do. If I was still bleeding (red, brown...more than just a slight yellow or white discharge) than we didn't do anything. I only had stitches once, and I don't remember how long we waited that time, but it was longer than the others. We usually resumed anywhere from 1 week to 4 weeks. It really all depended on the bleeding, and how I was feeling/healing "down there".

And of course there are other ways to keep things alive.

[alaskaberry]

I'm mentally ready, but... I'm still bleeding and I feel pretty gross, to be honest. Plus DP works away from home and he will be gone in two weeks. Which sucks. But on the upside, when he's back I'll be ready for him.

[mamajody]

It will be months before I am mentally or physically ready. Sleep is a prerequisite for me to be in the mood. Besides, until my DH gets himself the big snip, he won't be coming anywhere near me, and he knows it. More children would be financially devastating to us as we have maxed out his earning potential, and my kids are too young for me to return to work and help out financially. He has the number, he just needs to make the call. He feels he needs to wait past the 6 week mark because he will need my help clearing things out, but we will need to use a barrier to be safe, and I won't be ready for that for a long time.

[mzminty]

So if you're "not ready" do you do him any favors? Or do you feel like that kind of stuff is just out of the picture until you're ready too?

DH has been so sweet and helpful that I've been trying to show him my gratitude in a way that he'll really appreciate.

I think any intimacy brings us closer, but when I can't get what I want, I can't help feeling frustrated, too...

[Phoenix~Mama]

I have been ready for two weeks. lol But I'm still bleeding. It keeps faking me out to by going away for a day then coming back. grrr

I really miss being with DH, we have always had a very healthy intimacy level, this is the longest we have gone without DTD actually and it's driving me batty!!

I would not be opposed to helping him out... except it would likely drive me more nuts cause I want it si bad. lol

Stupid bleeding... :

[Super~Single~Mama]

It looks like I might be in the minority! I'm not physically or mentally ready to DTD - I'm still really sore down there, and I'm afraid of even touching it b/c it hurts! My MW's backup gave me some cream to help facilitate healing, but I'm too afraid to even put it on b/c it requires touching the stitches

I'm a really big wuss basically is what it boils down to

I would help my boyfriend out, but I still can't even move or sit normally, and again, the whole wuss thing has me chickening out of anything that might tug the wrong way or hurt at all. Big for my boyfriend...he's not having an easy time of this. I doubt I'll even be ready once we get the 6 week green light, physically I'm sure I'll be fine, but mentally I'm not so sure!

[leerypolyp]

mentally but not physically ready. nothing bad, just still bleeding. we've done some...things.

last time i was not into it at all mentally for a few months. can i chalk my quick turnaround up tp placenta-eating?

[ommom]

i was horny as hell b4 birth and have not felt horny @ all as yet post birth, which i take as an indication of it not being time yet. i can't imagine anything for a bit yet. clit area has pain and feels a bit broken/fragile. DH is patient (_he's_ the one telling me to give it time) & taking care of himself. i haven't done him any favors 'cuz i'm not ready to feel turned on down there...

but we have been being intimate - just a moment or two daily of holding or looking in each other's eyes. or me weeping from exhaustion or hormones ;0)

[Hallielynn01]

I confess, I caved at 2 weeks PP (3 wks last time) bleeding comes and goes, and this birth was even easier on my down there than the last, no tears or anything. It wasn't painful, we just took it slow.

[DizzyMissLizzy]

You don't have to wait 6 weeks if you're feeling up to it...BUT if you don't want to be pregnant again use something

Out of my 4 kids, I think we've only waited 6 weeks once? maybe twice.

I think oral sex is a great alternative LOL

[xakana]

I'm SO not interested in sex, but do feel bad for DH. Our toddler gets so mad when we even snuggle that physical affection is something we have a hard time even getting and he really needs it

[mzminty]

Originally Posted by DizzyMissLizzy

I think oral sex is a great alternative LOL

Yeah, for HIM, but not for me when I'm still bleeding!

Birth control is also a problem. I haven't even mentally been able to sort through that issue yet!

[Hallielynn01]

I think I'm going to get an IUD. I didn't get on anything last time, because we knew we wanted a 2nd. However this time, we're both unsure if we want another. But i think its too soon to make that call. He has a 16 yr old from a prev marriage, so he has 3 kids already. He will get the big V when we decide for sure. If he feels like he is really done, than we'll be done. I thought 3 would be nice, but now that I have my 2, it fits as well. I'm kinda nervous about the idea of some foreign object in my body all the time though.

[mzminty]

Originally Posted by Hallielynn01

I think I'm going to get an IUD. I didn't get on anything last time, because we knew we wanted a 2nd. However this time, we're both unsure if we want another. But i think its too soon to make that call. He has a 16 yr old from a prev marriage, so he has 3 kids already. He will get the big V when we decide for sure. If he feels like he is really done, than we'll be done. I thought 3 would be nice, but now that I have my 2, it fits as well. I'm kinda nervous about the idea of some foreign object in my body all the time though.

That's what my tentative plan is, too. Plus, I have a family history of cancer and hate to fool around with my hormones, and an IUD is the lowest dose you can use. This will be the first time I've ever been on birth control and am NOT looking forward to it.

Just out of curiosity (and maybe this should be another thread), what is everyone else doing (or not doing) for birth control? I'd love to just count on bfing to work for a while, but another pregnancy too soon would be disastrous.

[laurelg]

mzminty, have you considered gettong the copper IUD (ParaGard), which doesn't have hormones in it like the Mirena?

[Super~Single~Mama]

I have no idea what to do about birth control. I thought about an IUD, but the thought of something foreign in my body for an extended period of time just freaks me out. I'll probably use the mini-pill, and my boyfriend wants to use condoms as well, but I HATE condoms with a PASSION. They chafe, and rub everything the wrong way, and give me UTI's and just plain HURT when I use them! No amount of lube, no brand of lube (I've tried them all!) makes any kind of difference

I have a feeling it will be awhile before there is any sex for me

[laurelg]

I don't know what to do about birth control, either.

Hormonal birth control is right out - it makes me feel like crap.

I've toyed with the idea of a ParaGard IUD, but am not sure how comfortable I am with the foreign object in my uterus thing.

DH and I successfully used FAM to avoid for about two years before using it to conceive - it worked very well for us with a combination of abstinence, withdrawal and/or condoms during my fertile periods. I don't know that I am comfortable relying on it now, though, since I don't know how breastfeeding is going to impact my cycles, I almost certainly won't have a reliable block of sleep at the same time for basal temp purposes, and I am not willing to rely on cervical fluid/os changes alone.

I don't think I'm going to be able to rely on lactation amenorrhea because my babe tends to cluster feed during the day and then sleep in 3 to 5 hour stretches at night. I knew when we decided to let her set her own schedule like that that I'd probably be chucking that breastfeeding birth control method out the window... but I admit, I'm happy enough about everyone getting enough sleep that it's worth it.

At this point I think easing myself back into FAM with lots of back-up is the most likely course of action... which actually makes me hope my cycle returns fairly quickly, so I don't have to spend months waiting to get back in the groove. Plus, I hate, hate, HATE condoms, so the sooner I am able to narrow that fertile window to a few days the better!