Questions about inheritance and executor

[Spring Sun]

Does anyone have any experience with this?

My mil passed away in July. We knew it was coming for years so her will was very well thought out and planned.

The executor keeps telling us a date and then pushes it to a later date every time. We were supposed to receive the money at the end of January. But we wrote him an email today and he said it is going to be another 3 months.

We also did not want to sell the house as it is a bad market, and he put it on the market anyway, and he is now reducing the asking price to probably half of what it was worth a couple years ago and he tells us he still doesn't think we will get even that. This is a big, beautiful house on 5 acres. If we waiting a few years it would be worth so much more.

We want to keep the house and told him this from the start. We did not want to sell the stocks and he sold them anyways. Don't we have any say in this at all? I feel so powerless and dh is willing to trust this guy 100% bc he is his grandfather's lawyer. Half of this money goes to my son, and I am the custodian of his inheritance. I feel as if what could have ensured my son a life of private education and opportunity when he is an adult is now dwindling down to very little. I know a lot of it is the economy right now, but we are young and happy to wait out the housing and stock market slump.

Also, we have a baby on the way. Is it appropriate to ask the executor if it is possible at all to split my son's inheritance between all our children and future children, or is that just wrong? I know she would have wanted all her grandchildren to prosper from her inheritance, not just one. Would it be wrong (and possibly illegal) for me to use the money for all of our children to go to private school since I am the custodian, or is that unfair to ds, who is legally supposed to get it all?

Does the executor even get paid? This is a man who has been the personal lawyer to her wealthy family for a very long time. It is doubtful that he would try to rip us off just because he wants some extra money. This is little in compared to what he must be getting from the rest of the family. Dh is just scared he will offend the lawyer if he asks questions, and I have kept quiet bc I felt like I would dishonor her memory by questioning what was going on. It has been long enough now, though, that I am getting really mad about being made promises and then being put off every month. I also feel that if my dh is not going to care about his own half of the inheritance, I should at least be my son's advocate and ask what the hell is going on, right?

Can anyone help? What do you think?

Thanks so much in advance for any and all thoughts.

[mumkimum]

Not a lot of experience . . . other than to say that when my grandfather passed away several years ago it seriously took about 2 years to settle his estate, so it really can take a long time depending on how their finances are set up. Often things do need to be sold (they did in my gf's case) and may even be re-purchased in order to 'close' the estate.

I do think you ought to be able to ask the executor what to expect - I understand that it would be his job to explain it so that you understand what is happening, and it's unfortunate your mil and/or he did not discuss it beforehand. If you're truly uncomfortable with him, you might be able to ask someone he works with (even a secretary/assistant?).

I do think that you may be able to have money set aside for future children somehow. . . I would ask about that.

[lucyem]

I would take a copy of the will and speak to another estate lawyer. Yes executors are sometimes paid. You have a lot of questions that will depend on the actual will and the state you are in. Stock may have had to be sold to pay bills. The house may have to be sold according to the will or just in order to divide up the assets. But the $100+ spent on an hour with another unbiased lawyer will be worth it for you IMO.

[AprilDaisy]

I agree with the poster who said get another opinion. If the estate lawyer is doing things you don't want him to do and he's not explaining details, something doesn't add up.

[Cheshire]

I second getting a second opinion. But, first, schedule an appointment to go meet with him in person and take your questions with you. He is probably being paid - it should be spelled out in the will. He should be willing to sit down and explain to process to you but you may have to be the squeaky wheel to get his attention.

Remind DH that the lawyer is a professional and should not be offended by explaining in layman's terms what is happening in the probate of his mother's will. He may need to be reminded in a polite way that he is providing a service - especially if he has gotten comfortable serving the family without question before.

Also, you have every right to go meet with him yourself to ask about your son's affairs even if DH doesn't want to go talk to him about his part of the estate. I think that would be my last resort because DH might not be happy about it but it is an option.

Let us know how it goes.

[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by Cheshire

I second getting a second opinion. But, first, schedule an appointment to go meet with him in person and take your questions with you. He is probably being paid - it should be spelled out in the will. He should be willing to sit down and explain to process to you but you may have to be the squeaky wheel to get his attention.

Remind DH that the lawyer is a professional and should not be offended by explaining in layman's terms what is happening in the probate of his mother's will. He may need to be reminded in a polite way that he is providing a service - especially if he has gotten comfortable serving the family without question before.

Also, you have every right to go meet with him yourself to ask about your son's affairs even if DH doesn't want to go talk to him about his part of the estate. I think that would be my last resort because DH might not be happy about it but it is an option.

Let us know how it goes.

Yes to all of this!!!

In terms of splitting an inheritance between your children: You need to see the will and talk to a lawyer. If a reading of the will supports the contention that your MIL intended to benefit her grandchildren (if she left bequests to all her grandchildren, or if the bequest refers to your son as "grandchild" or "child of xxxx" rather than by name - you REALLY need to talk to a lawyer about this), than ABSOLUTELY you can divide the inheritance between your children. It's very common for people in your MIL's situation to write their wills so that all of their grandchildren, both currently existing and not yet born, can benefit from inheritances.

[velochic]

I agree that you should be able to talk to the attorney executing the will. If he gets offended at your questions, I would wonder what is going on. He should happily explain what he is doing and why. Most likely, it is a clause in the will that your MIL has stated that everything gets sold off and the money gets divided, which is why he's selling now. Does your dh have siblings? How many grandchildren are there currently? Will you have to pay taxes (it depends on your state and how much you are getting)? All of these things can hold things up. Since she has a thorough will, it will not have to go through probate (that's for contested wills and intestate deaths). If he is simply carrying out her wishes and they are not "weird" (like leaving $1MIL to the local ice cream museum), you probably can't contest it, but an impartial attorney could tell you that.

I don't know a lot about wills... my cousin is our attorney and she helped us get our wills in order, so we've been through the process of leaving money, but not getting it. Ours is pretty straightforward because we have only 1 child. When there are a lot of people involved, that is when it gets tricky.

Good luck!

[Cheshire]

it will not have to go through probate (that's for contested wills and intestate deaths

It all depends on her assets - with the house it will probably have to be probated. Some assets pass outside of probate (if you set up your retirement funds and bank accounts the right way they can avoid probate) but some have to pass through probate. If she was married with joint right of survivorship then the house wouldn't have to be probated but since it sounds like she was the last one on the title to the house the court will have to look at the will and name what happens to the house (if she said to sell it and split the money that's what will happen - if she willed it to someone specifically then it would be titled over to that person).

There are so many issues when it comes to the law it is worth talking to a lawyer.

[sugarlumpkin]

Here's a good place to educate yourself about these issues. http://www.nolo.com/resource.cfm/cat...91358/309/253/

[Jadzia]

Absolutely a will needs to be probated. That is how it is validated by the courts. Usually there is a waiting period, such as six months, to allow time for an updated will to come forward or for people to make claims against the state (for example, if any debts needed to be paid.)

We went through this when my dad passed away. He had a will leaving everything to my mother, but anything that wasn't in her name already had to go through probate. The only way to avoid this is to have all joint assets with right to survivorship or to create a revocable trust.

My mom set up a revocable trust so that my sister and I will not have to probate her will when she passes. We learned the hard way that a will alone doesn't do much and creates a lot of red tape and waiting to settle the estate.