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"Brave" has nothing to do with it - Page 2

post #21 of 60
Well said. I also love it when they tell me I should get a medal. Yes, I gave birth at home to get a medal. *oy*
post #22 of 60
I find myself not even mentioning DS was born at home in some company. Like the lady at daycare who was upset her OB let her tear instead of giving her an episiotomy. Eventually I did mention it and she gave the "oh, you're so brave" comment. I just said I thought women who did natural birth in the hospital were brave (to deal with all the crap hospitals want to foist on them). My MIL also gave me the "you're so brave" comment. I'm so horrible thinking up responses on my feet I just kind of smiled awkwardly and changed the subject.
post #23 of 60
Yeah, that bravery comment from other women was one thing I never expected about having a home birth. I get it all the time.

It doesn't annoy me, it makes me sad. I wish more women understood that we ARE ALL BRAVE because we ALL GIVE BIRTH...and giving birth does require courage no matter where or how you do it.

I may be "brave" to some because I had my babe at home...but I think all those women are even more courageous for having their babies in hospitals. And I say that honestly every single time I hear that comment.
post #24 of 60
i heart you.
post #25 of 60
This is great. I want Mothering to publish it in their next magazine. You're awesome, mama.

ETA: can I repost this on my own blog? I'll link to your LJ, but it's really powerful and I want to share it.
post #26 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by aylaanne View Post
This is great. I want Mothering to publish it in their next magazine. You're awesome, mama.
That's so flattering, so thank you so much! Because I don't cite resources for my stats, I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable submitting it to Mothering or any other publication as-is. I do hope to have articles published with Mothering in the future, though.
post #27 of 60
That's awesome. I also hate the brave comments. I've even been told I was brave for not finding out the gender of our baby! Someone once said to me "It's not like you get a medal for having your baby at home." Yes, that's exactly why I plan to give birth at home. I want a shiny medal. I went home and told dh, and he said that he would make sure to get me a medal so if anyone else says that, I can say "Yes I did!"
post #28 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by notyetamommy View Post
That's awesome. I also hate the brave comments. I've even been told I was brave for not finding out the gender of our baby! Someone once said to me "It's not like you get a medal for having your baby at home." Yes, that's exactly why I plan to give birth at home. I want a shiny medal. I went home and told dh, and he said that he would make sure to get me a medal so if anyone else says that, I can say "Yes I did!"

I usually respond to that with "an undrugged baby, an undisturbed birth, and being able to fall asleep in my own bed an hour later WAS a medal/trophy as far as I'm concerned."
post #29 of 60
I haven't given birth, not even pregnant yet - but, great post. I totally agree.

Honestly, for me personally, I think it's brave to go into the hospital when nothing is wrong with you. I'm really freaked out by hospitals. They're places of emergency and dire sickness situations. So, to be healthy, and go in there for birth, seems very brave to me. I want a homebirth precisely because it feels so much safer than the hospital.
post #30 of 60
Awesome post! I wanted to shout hurray! This is totally what I know and want to share with every person who says this to me... or expresses doubts about the safety of homebirth.

Seriously, what is it with the Drs trying to pull out the "trendy" card -- like we're birthing at home because stars do it? Um, I had my first DD at home before Ricki Lake talked about her homebirth... we're just happy that someone is finally talking about it in a way that's got the mainstream media's attention. And my hb midwife has had a steady practice for the last 25 years... some "fad", eh?
post #31 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by donutmolly View Post
Seriously, what is it with the Drs trying to pull out the "trendy" card -- like we're birthing at home because stars do it? Um, I had my first DD at home before Ricki Lake talked about her homebirth... we're just happy that someone is finally talking about it in a way that's got the mainstream media's attention. And my hb midwife has had a steady practice for the last 25 years... some "fad", eh?
Homebirth is a fad- just ask my great-grandmother who had 10 homebirths It's so trendy that almost 1% of women are doing it now!
post #32 of 60


Thank you so much for stating so clearly and intelligently what I have been trying to say for months! I too borrowed your words and linked to your LJ on my blog. Thanks for sharing!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarah1122 View Post
It doesn't annoy me, it makes me sad. I wish more women understood that we ARE ALL BRAVE because we ALL GIVE BIRTH...and giving birth does require courage no matter where or how you do it.
:
post #33 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by RachaelsMommy View Post
Very well written!

If I get the "brave" line, I'll just say, "No, I'm really scared. Scared of having my vagina or uterus cut open, scared of my baby's skull being fractured, and scared of MRSA."
:
post #34 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelW View Post
Homebirth is a fad- just ask my great-grandmother who had 10 homebirths It's so trendy that almost 1% of women are doing it now!
:

Quote:
Originally Posted by notyetamommy View Post
That's awesome. I also hate the brave comments. I've even been told I was brave for not finding out the gender of our baby! Someone once said to me "It's not like you get a medal for having your baby at home." Yes, that's exactly why I plan to give birth at home. I want a shiny medal. I went home and told dh, and he said that he would make sure to get me a medal so if anyone else says that, I can say "Yes I did!"
My response is usually, "What?! You mean I DON'T get a medal? Dang! Well, screw that. I'm off to the hospital!"
post #35 of 60
wonderful post! good work, mama
post #36 of 60
I usually interpret the "brave" comment as being about pain, too, so my usual response is, "I'm way scareder of having a big needle stuck in my spine [shudder] than I am of labor pain. Seriously."

As a Birthing From Within Mentor and Doula, in more "formal" situations, I do like to make the point that "safe" is not a fact, it's a feeling, the same way that "fear" is not a fact, it's a feeling. Some people are never going to feel safe giving birth at home, no matter how much they "should" feel safe logically, because feeling safe is not about logic. I would never feel safe giving birth in a hospital (basically I can't imagine going in unless I had an emergent need for c/s, at which point my feeling of unsafety out of hospital would have already outweighed my feeling of unsafety about being in the hospital.) But I have to recognize that some women will never feel safe out of hospital. And I accept that. But it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have an opinion (strong one) about the insanity of the way the birth care system is set up.
post #37 of 60
I always reply with, I'm not brave, your brave for going to the hospital. Makes them think. I'm thinking in my head they are brave, considering the fact that maternal death have been INCREASING for 15 years.
post #38 of 60
I wish someone would call me "brave" for wanting a homebirth! Right now, all the labels I'm getting from family and friends (not to mention self-righteous nurses at the prenatal clinic) run more along the lines of "foolish," "brash," "risky," "stubborn" and "selfish." In comparison, at this point, "brave" would be a welcome change.
post #39 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelW View Post
It's so trendy that almost 1% of women are doing it now!
the whole "trendy" thing has got to be the craziest.... Its just considered "normal" to have an epi birth (along w/90% of the other births) - but somehow "popular" to have a birth experience shared by 1% of the US population. hmm... somhow that logic fails to make, well, sense!

Quote:
Originally Posted by notyetamommy View Post
"It's not like you get a medal for having your baby at home." Yes, that's exactly why I plan to give birth at home. I want a shiny medal.
: LOVE it!
post #40 of 60
Well I always try to follow the same trends as my mom. So since I was born at home it must still be cool right. lol
Yeah the trendy comment gets me the most. Brave I assume has to do with the fear of pain, which is understandable based on the medias portrayal of birth. Most people's only experience with "natural" birth is someone they know not having time for a planned epidural or one that didn't work. There is no way for them to comprehend the difference preparation makes.

To the OP, amazing post. I will definitely be using that in the future.
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