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Mom's of Many it’s February - Page 5

post #81 of 127
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Originally Posted by suziek View Post
:

Looks like I'm back in the game!

I feel so lucky.
Congrats:

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Originally Posted by PassionateWriter View Post
quick Q: what qualifies one to be a MoM? i have 4 sons.
4 is good!

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Originally Posted by PassionateWriter View Post
thanks. i guess i will join then, though most days i dont have much advice for families with "many" kids...mine are so spread out...18, 10 (almost 11), 3 and 4 months right now. im pretty sure we are done (like 99.99999%).
We are a bit spread out too with 15, 12, 6 and 2yo

Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
I am so excited to see this thread!

We are going from 3 to 5 come August.

Are there any other young MOM? Dh and I are 23
Congratulations to you too!

I used to be young
post #82 of 127
Yes, I used to be young too.

I'll be 42 when this babe comes.

23 is a great age to be a mom, and so is 42.

My mom was 25 when she had her four; I was still out in the world playing at that age.
Took me a while and the right person to want kids.

But I've made up for lost time.
post #83 of 127
I started at 19 and I'm 35 now. We may have another though and I'm still waiting for my turn to go out in the world and play. I could be nearly 60 before everyone is on their way and self-sufficient at this rate.
post #84 of 127
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Originally Posted by THANKFULFORFIVE View Post
We spend around $160--200/week on groceries for a family of 6.
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Originally Posted by mataji4 View Post
We spend about $200-250 per week on food. That's almost entirely organic.
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Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
We spend $200 every two weeks.

Ummmm...wow.

We spend $400 per week on groceries- just food. I buy bulk, unprocessed, organic when available. We eat a traditional european diet. When we eliminated the organics, we saved about $70 per week, but it wasn't worth it because nutrients were so lacking that we ended up spending money on supplements (not $70, but close) and the taste difference was severe. So we buy organic food.

Maybe it's just where we live, but to eat processed/prepared, chemical-laden foods, our bill would easily be cut in half. I'll be starting our very first garden this year, hoping to reduce our food budget a bit. That, and by autumn, dh will be able to hunt game, also reducing our food expenditure. I cannot imagine what the prices must be like to be able to feed so many with so little, even accounting for the difference in the dollar.

Right now, my biggest struggle by far is that I am with our dc 24/7 and in a cabin in the woods, isolated. My dh is gone about 50-60 or more hrs/wk. It's been like this for six years and I'm really beginning to doubt whether I am actually doing our dc any service by raising them as a non-human, vending machine. In my former life, I made art every day, had a few friends whom I actually saw, did things, went places, relaxed, digested my meals, read, had quiet and alone time, laughed and smiled a lot, could walk without being winded and didn't wish that I could allow myself to not compound my depression with feeling guilty for being depressed (because I wasn't).

After six years of having no indication of who I am, divesting of myself into all of the others in my home, dh included, fulfilling the role of someone I am not- a happy homemaker (I love my family; I am just definitely NOT Mrs. Cleaver), my health having declined to a point that I am at risk for multiple organ failure (chronic sleeplessness and too much work/stress and moving 8 times in 6 years, having an unaware dh who has been absorbed in his own pursuits and seems to think that what I experience is 'normal' :, so hasn't been much of a help to me thus far, although he's made a commitment to take our dc out so I can have a break... we'll see if it happens more than once), I am weary and I need some encouragement because I cannot continue on like this. I mean cannot, not *will* not. I am so far past will that it isn't even an issue anymore. My blood pressure on a good day is 94/56; more stress=lower pressure=passed out with four small children alone in the woods.

So, I am here wondering if all you mamas have support, friends, family, or anyone who assists you in any way. Do your dhs work with you, look after the dc, take them out or stay in so you can go out? Are you all just the sort of people who are very naturally mums of many? Are you all extroverts (I am extremely introverted)? How do you manage? Is this just a very long and torturous phase I'm going through? Are all of your interests easily intertwined with family life?

I have a long list of interests, and as an introvert, not surprisingly, they are all things I like to do alone or beside, but not with, others. Doing them with others really ruins my enjoyment such that even though I could do some of them with for the sake of others, doing so wouldn't meet my needs, so I'd still be in a huge deficit. This is excruciating. :

Sorry to spoil the thread; it was all so uplifting before I wrote this, but I don't know who else to ask. Anyone in my real life just figures I should suffer for what they perceive as my choice to have this many dc. I made my bed, is what my mum said (we don't talk anymore...)

It just doesn't seem from this thread at least that many of you are dealing with this. Are you?

ETA: To give you an idea of the resources that would be at my disposal based upon average number of children where I live, here are the figures from our 2006 census (the most recent):

Average number of children at home per family
Couple families 1.1
Married couples 1.0
Common-law couples 1.1
Single parent 0.8

There are no playgroups and no centres designed for families with children at all. If I wanted to have a group or a centre, I would have to start one myself and find people to come. We just moved here in September, and I don't have the energy to do what I wish I could with my dc as it is; I have nothing extra- I'm always ina deficit.
post #85 of 127
Yes mama, even w/ just my three, I feel under appreciated and isolated. My DH is a wonderfull man, but, he is an airline pilot and gets to leave regularly and gets long wonderfull layovers in places like Cancun, Aruba, Paris, etc. And sometimes I HATE when he calls from those destinations asking how I'm doing. Well, buddy, how the hell do you THINK I'm doing? I am changing endless dirty diapers, washing the laundry, picking up toys that will be strewn across the house in five minutes, I have not eaten a decent meal cos I scarf it down in two gulps, the babies won't nap at the same time so I never get to sit for morethan two minutes, everyone asks for everything at the same time, at rock concert decibels, Did I remember to brush my teeth this morning? when was the last time I got to use the loo w/ the door closed? I love my life, I really do:, but, BUT, I am so very tired every day. Once in a while, it would be nice if DH took the kids, all of them, for three days straight, so I could go out and be foot loose and fancy free. But, i fear, I would miss them too much after a day. I would worry that no one knows but me how DD2 likes her cocoa, which she haves every night before bed, and DD3 has a bedtime routine that she and I have down pat as well...I guess what I want is what you want. A little appreciation, for the hard work it is we do, the sacrifices we make.
post #86 of 127
Quote:
Are there any other young MOM? Dh and I are 23
I'm 24 and dh is 29.
post #87 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post

I used to be young
hahah! me too! now im wise. (teasing). i had my first when i was 22 and i will be 41 in April. Zen was born last October (when i was obviously 40). i find my parenting much easier the older i am...but thats just me. when i was 22, i was in college, had life ahead of me and had to get through that, law school then gradulate school. it was sooo much busier then. im so much more relaxed now.

IRT food: i just joined the Feb. Frugal thread (or something like that) and i ahve been keeping our budget to around $150. that doesnt include raw milk, which is another $18 a week. it also doesnt include household cleaners, vitamins, etc. etc. b/c we get those from Frontier. We don't eat completely organic but mostly and we dont eat processed/chemically laden food. DS1 is out of the house now so its only teh 3 younger ones and the baby of course is not eating..my 3 yo doesnt consume that much.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PreggieUBA2C View Post
Right now, my biggest struggle by far is that I am with our dc 24/7 and in a cabin in the woods, isolated.

So, I am here wondering if all you mamas have support, friends, family, or anyone who assists you in any way. Do your dhs work with you, look after the dc, take them out or stay in so you can go out? Are you all just the sort of people who are very naturally mums of many? Are you all extroverts (I am extremely introverted)? How do you manage? Is this just a very long and torturous phase I'm going through? Are all of your interests easily intertwined with family life?

There are no playgroups and no centres designed for families with children at all. If I wanted to have a group or a centre, I would have to start one myself and find people to come. We just moved here in September, and I don't have the energy to do what I wish I could with my dc as it is; I have nothing extra- I'm always ina deficit.
wow...thats a lot to deal with. isolation woudl kill me. seriously. i moved from boston to a semi-rural area where we have to drive to meet most ppl but we are w/in a few minutes drive of civilization at least. i couldnt be isolated.

we have no family support (locally) but we do have groups. we are just getting into unschooling and i have found an awesome group that meets weekly, and more often if one is so inclined (most of the time we are). i also have a few local friends that i speak to on a daily basis and we have libraries, etc. etc. that we can go to if no one else is available.

DP helps out with teh kids in the evenings/weekends but he doesnt take them places without me. we usually do things as a family. do you have that? what does your dh do when he's home? it sounds like he is your only outlet? what caused you to move so much? and to where you are now? is there anything about this situation you can change?

i dont go out. i usually dont want to go out alone. thats just me though and i think im probably in the minority there. i just prefer to be with my family. that may sound like i dont have a life or other interests, but i do. its kind of complex for me. lol!

honestly i would work on changing your environment. it doesnt seem like its a good one for you. s.

have you had your mineral levels checked (just asking b/c you stated you are at a deficit..you could be in more ways than one..even if you are doing everything you think you should).

i hope things get better for you soon. thats just sounds so hard.
post #88 of 127
Lets see. I am 32 and dh is 29. I had my first lo at 16 almost 17 and 2nd at 18. 3rd at 22 and 4 th at 25 and 5th at 28.will still be 32 when this lo is born.So I was a young mom and still feel that way.Hard to believe I'm not and more in the average range now!

Food we spend any where between $600 and $700 a month for 7 people. Yeah here it is so much more cheaper to buy mainstream food than organic.And in the neighborhood I live in it hard to find too.We don't eat alot of organic but I do buy healthy and cook that way too.I know and wish we could do all organic or at least mostly but our food bill would probably double! We have a Whole Foods market about 30 mins away and a lot of great co-ops so I am trying (making it a goal to) cut down on our food Intake and be able to shop there mostly. I am making baby steps in this direction. We are planting a garden this year and so excited to do so.Hopefully this will help our food bill.

PreggieUBA2C- I can feel you.Even though I live in the city I often feel isolated.I am intorverted and shy w/new people. I don't have a lot of friends anymore. I used to be surrounded by women that "unconditionally" loved me but I found that if you made a decision that they thought was "wrong" that they thought it was best to ask you to leave the group.These are women I had known for years and suddenly none would talk to me because I made a decision they didn't like. So I am having a really hard time getting back otu there and making friends again- trust and hurt issues!

And as for feeling unapprieated by family live that way on a daily basis.Right now it feels worse because of pg hormones and being emotional.

I find just being on here helps to get me in a better place some days (other days there are thread I HAVE to stay away from because they just get me more bitter!) and Makes me want to go out IRL and find even just one momma like mefor a friend someone to talk too.Maybe you could start small and find one?

Have you tried telling Dh you need to start to pay attention to you more? Maybe you could tell him one night a week is youre night and you'll be going out just to get some time to recharge. Is there some place were they do book club or knitting or painting classes? Something You're interested in?

Good luck and I for one don't mind if you need to vent/cry if you feel the need.It's better to get it out!
post #89 of 127
PreggieUBA2C don't feel bad about making the thread something different. Some months it is more doom and desperation than others; you just caught us all on an up! I've been outdoors in the garden with some sun getting into my brain and that gives me a boost. Winter cold and grim and grey gets to me after a while I can tell you.

This is a good place to let all this out because we have all had days or weeks when we have felt some or all of how you are feeling and we won't tell you that you have made your bed....

The last time I spoke to my sister I tried to explain to her that even though we are conscious of the decisions we make (re work and family size especially) that doesn't mean we can never feel weak or upset or overwhelmed by our situation. She doesn't get it about her own situation or about mine

Is there any way you can influence your changes in location so that next
time it is to a less isolated place? What can you do to find a little bit of art every day? I don't get to sew as much as I'd like but lately I've been taking photos of things I like or postively looking for goodness to capture and I think that is stretching my 'art' muscle just a little bit when I can't actually do anything creative.

I'm sorry I can't help you in a real way but you will be in my thoughts mama.
post #90 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
I'm 24 and dh is 29.
:

The reason I asked wasn't to gloat or anything I just feel very alone being so young. So does DH. All our friends our age don't get why we have so many kids (and love it!) and so many of our older friends think we are nuts for starting out at 17. To each their own, I say!

I still can't believe we are getting ready for 5. I'm actually really freaked out. I guess you really can't see how you are going to do it until you do it. I do need to get organized especially since we are getting started with homeschooling.
post #91 of 127
Orangefoot, is that an announcement? :

PreggieUBA2C, as far as feeding your family goes, try and get your hands on the paupers cookbook by Jocasta Innes or even Frugal Food by Delia Smith. As far as nurturing your you-ness, though, I'm working slowly through the Artists Way and finding that helps and is challenging a lot of my assumptions. Something else that is striking me and keeps on coming home to me on a lot of blogs I enjoy reading is the need for a room of one's own. A space of one's own, maybe. A chair. I think it's worth thinking on. Oh, and I know that there is a point after childbirth where I'm ready to put my baby brain aside for a while and give my self some nurturing. I'm there now, and it's hard because my family isn't really in a place where I can take this time for me.
post #92 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
Orangefoot, is that an announcement? :
Um, no.

I hear you on the need for a space. Mine is the night-time rather than a physical space at the moment hence I'm here at 02.45.
post #93 of 127
Wow!!! It is a little sad and a little comforting to hear that I am not the only one who is feeling a little lost as far as fufilling ME! It has been me and the kiddos 24/7 for nearly 6 years, too. We have lived in places that just were not large family friendly or have moved and I haven't yet found new friends or ways to get out there with all of the kids.
I am so busy that I barely sleep, eat or get showers longer than 5 minutes.
Lately, DH has been taking the kids out a few hours on the weekend, which is great. LOL, unfortunately, I spend most of that time sewing or cleaning!

On the food, we spend right at $300 a week for 6 ppl. We buy some in bulk, as much organic as we can afford, but the milk and fruit are the major portions of our budget! We spend over $150 a week on fruit alone!
post #94 of 127
Hi everyone. Can I join? I am currently expecting blessing #4. I am so excited. I want even more kids, but right now this is what I have!
post #95 of 127
Preggie...I'm glad you posted. It sounds so honest,and heart-felt.
Many years ago, when my first 4 were small together, I often felt the same way. DH traveled a lot! I really felt like a single mom for many years and he missed out on so much! I was fortunate to find and make wonderful friends and neighbors though, so I think I would have been a nut-case if I had been isolated those years....My family is in such a different place now....DH is trying to make up for the lost years I guess. Wants more babies now! Life is good. more peaceful. We've learned so much about what's truly important. What does your hubby do that requires so many moves?
post #96 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernmommie View Post
Hi everyone. Can I join? I am currently expecting blessing #4. I am so excited. I want even more kids, but right now this is what I have!
Welcome! Glad to have you join.
post #97 of 127
I watched too much tv today. First I saw the Duggars bring home baby #18 and then I saw an episode of Kids By The Dozen with the awesome Heppner family with 16 children. I looked at my husband and said wistfully "I wish we had time to have that many." :
post #98 of 127
I remember watching the whole series Kids by the Dozen last year. I'm so glad it came back on. I DVR'd it this time so I can watch it whenever I need to. Now to find out how I can record it for myself.

I just bought The Duggars 20 and Counting. I started reading it yesterday. They have a lot of good ideas in that book.

I pray someday that I will have more kids after this upcoming baby. God willing.
post #99 of 127
Are the Duggars really on kid #20???!!!Wow...the last I saw was still 17 and counting... They are just so amazing!
post #100 of 127
20 is including mom and dad. They "only" have 18 children.

I'm having a lovely day where 4 kids doesn't seem like too many at all.
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