Is it rude? Eating out question

[Red Pajama]

If we discuss it ahead of time, and determine that they do indeed know what they want, is it rude to have our almost 4 year old boys tell the waitstaff what they will have for dinner? Sometimes there is a bit of a lag time, as they decide what to say, and so I wonder if the waitress minds the delay, and if it's an imposisition.

Thoughts?

[Nate'sMama]

Rude?!? No.
Possibly infuriating for the waitstaff? Yes.

Would I do it? Yes.

It's wonderful for lo's to be able to speak up for themselves in public and ask for what they want. Besides waiters work for tips, they'll be patient

[Aliviasmom]

I don't think it's rude at all. And if the waitress is obviously irritated at your children (who ARE customers!) ordering for themselves, it would certainly affect any tip *I* would give.

[Llyra]

I think you have to use your judgment. I think it's great to let a child speak up for themselves, and I would hope (!!!) that most waiters and waitresses would be glad to wait a bit while the child gathered his thoughts and figured out what to say. I always like my DD1 to order for herself when she can, and nobody's ever minded if they had to wait a bit, or ask her to speak up a little. I think it's good practice in learning how to be civil and polite and interact with strangers. I think you have to step in and order for the child if the wait time becomes excessive, or the staff are obviously very busy, if the child can't be understood, or the child is being inattentive or not cooperating. But normally I think it's fine.

[tayndrewsmama]

No.

[bigeyes]

The only time it is rude is if the child cannot be understood or is too shy to order without a lot of face burying, pauses and coaching. Then it hinders the waitstaff from doing their job in a timely manner. Food could be cooling and tables can be filling up while you coax and prod your child to speak.

It just depends on whether or not your child is ready to do this.

If they're capable, and a server is being a UAV about it, then they're being rude.

[birdie22]

nak

usually ds gives his order to the hostess, the person who brings water, and then tells the waitress at least three times. he likes him some chiken fingers!

still less work for them than i am; i always want to know how everythings cooked, and i'm always requesting things be left off the dish.

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by birdie22

still less work for them than i am; i always want to know how everythings cooked, and i'm always requesting things be left off the dish.

My kids are pretty good at ordering now, I'm the one who always has to tell them we aren't ready yet. I always want to know what everyone else is getting before I decide. Yk, theirs might sound better.

[MamaJenese]

I don' t think it is rude at all. Most waitstaff get a kick out of it when DS orders for himself, which he LOVES to do.

[LaLaLaLa]

I wait tables and I generally like kids, so when kids want to order their own food, that's fine with me. Often kids blurt out what they want before I've even taken everyone's drink orders--they know what they want and they want it NOW.

It only becomes irritating when the kids obviously don't want to talk to me and their parents keep trying to force them. "Tell the lady what you want. No, tell the LADY. No, don't whisper to me. You know what you want--just tell her. TELL the LADY."

ARGH! That wastes my time and also makes me feel bad for the kid who is simply not ready to be having a conversation with me. That's more an issue of parents not being kind to their kids than a matter of me being impatient, though. Rarely do I not have the extra thirty seconds to wait for a little one.

[nextcommercial]

It's probably kinda cute.

However, my dd was TWELVE before she would speak loud enough to be heard. So, that was a bit obnoxious.

I think most waiters would think your kids are cute. And if not.. so what. You are teaching your kids to speak up and teaching them about decisions.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by Nate'sMama

Rude?!? No.
Possibly infuriating for the waitstaff? Yes.

Would I do it? Yes.

It's wonderful for lo's to be able to speak up for themselves in public and ask for what they want. Besides waiters work for tips, they'll be patient

:

My kids have ordered for themselves since they were old enough to be understood.

[karemore]

It depends on how long you are talking about, and how busy the server is at the time. If it's holding up other patrons, then yes it's rude.

If you are only talking about a minute or two, or you are the only ones effected by it then it's fine.

I agree that it's better to wait until a child is ready to order for themself than to force it.

I've seen plenty of adults who hold up the waitstaff, so I wouldn't worry too much about it! If this is your biggest issue eating out with your boys, sounds like you are in great shape! :

[ChetMC]

Depends

It depends on the situation. If a waitress has time to spend with kids, and/or thinks that it's cute, it's usually pretty obvious. If the restaurant is really busy and the waitress is trying to stay on top of things, or doesn't seem to have much of a rapport with small children, I will often do things like :

- repeat what the child said in a dialog with the child for the waitress to hear.
- get the ball rolling by saying something to the child like, "didn't you tell me that you wanted apple juice."
- order most of the meal for the child and then give them another chance to speak up with something short and easy, like if they want ketchup on whatever they ordered.
- have the child point to the thing on the menu while me or DH says what it is.

[Freefromitall]

I ran into this a lot on the other side of it, as a waitress.
I don't mind taking an order from a kid....provided I can understand your kid, your kid actually wants to talk to me, and it's not going to take 15min to coax out of your kid what s/he wants for dinner.

[Drummer's Wife]

my kids love to order for themselves and have no problem speaking up. All but the youngest can decide what they want and convey that to the waitress/waiter.

If there's a slight delay, for whatever reason, I don't feel bad. It's what, a whole 20 seconds out of their day? We are their customers, they are waiting on us and we almost always tip very well. If it's bad service, we still tip an average amount-- so no worries if my kid took a few minutes choosing between broccoli and carrots for their side.

If my kid were sitting there for literally 5-10 min trying to decide or getting the courage to order, I'd probably speak for them... but that hasn't happened. I imagine at most, it's a full min. but even that is rare.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

As a former server, I would say that the other variable is to make sure you will actually allow the child to eat what he/she is ordering. The really frustrating situations are: kid orders chicken fingers, parent says "no, those are friend, you can have X" kid then argues with parent, server is left standing and listening, embarrassed and impatient.