: Sarah Lynne, you are dealing. You are dealing very well.
It isn't fair it isn't right and you are an ORPHAN. Your mom's life was cut off prematurely and unnaturally at a time in your own life when you particularly need her. I feel that this need is biological.
If there's no ocean nearby to scream at, maybe screaming at the freeway would help?
Steven doesn't know it was his birthday. I didn't do much for Terran's either. The boys don't care. First birthday parties are for the parents and siblings.
If you're ready (and you may not be) gather up the little bits and pieces of her and scrapbook, scrapbook, scrapbook.
When I got the news that Sis had passed, my ex's response kind of set the tone for how I would be allowed to grieve:
"Get off the f*cking telephone! Doesn't she know what trime it is here? I have to go to work in the morning!"
I was good. I went grocery shopping that day like I was supposed to. I smiled politely when people said, "But you weren't very close to her anyway." because she llived off the grid and wrote letters instead of using the telephone.
I was good. I didn't make ugly noises or get snot on anyone's shoulder. I cleaned the apartment, cooked the meals, fetched the beers and joints and did everything good wives are supposed to do. I didn't fuss or beg for attention or bother anyone by being a "drama queen".
To this day, I still feel hollow inside. Sis and I were two halves of a whole. We didn't compete, we combined our unique talents into something that was greater than either of us.
Nobody even knows I'm only half a person because I was so good.
Don't you ever, ever pull a stunt like that, young lady, or I WILL track you down, put you over my knee, and whallop your behind!