Alright...here it goes...
:Happy 1st Birthday to my darling daughter Molly!!!!
Here I am!!!
Gotta LOVE MDC (though does anyone else also think that the nice little mama holding this sign is topless?
I am so excited that my sweetest little Molly has reached this milestone, and it is unbelievably fitting that I reached the 1000 post milestone on the exact same day.
Here is why:
I had a natural birth with DS, but there were things about it that I really needed to heal from. But because he was healthy and technically my birth went according to plan, I wasn't able to accept or deal at all with my feelings of disappointment and sadness, and that spilled into my early parenting of him. I was lost for a long time, and even had decided that if I had any other children, I would do it with drugs for sure, and I would never try co-sleeping again, much less the rest of AP living.
But we knew that we wanted to try for at least one more child, and I knew in my heart that rejecting natural birth and AP living didn't feel right. Well, somehow, I stumbled upon MDC and the Birth Stories thread. This was months before I was even TTC. In about 15 seconds I was addicted. I read birth stories every night for weeks, hours at a time. Just reading and reading and reading. Immersing myself in a community of women who were willing to share their stories...the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Story after story, some of loss even.
But somehow, day by day, within the stories I began to find myself again. I began to realize that even with the "perfect" birth, there is no telling how you will feel afterwards, and I also began to see that it doesn't matter one bit how your birth actually ends up going...at some point, some day, it is simply woven into the story of YOU and the birth of your child...and I came to see that it is beautiful, no matter what the story actually is, because it is your story and your child's story, even in the face of loss sometimes, and the beauty of creation is there, and is as simple as that.
So, after reading for weeks on end, I finally decided to join MDC, because I wanted to be able to reply to the stories and thank the mamas for their stories. And, as it happens, DH and I became ready to TTC again (go figure
). So, I soon branched over to the TTC threads, and first met some familiar names like "flapjack, sarahn43969, jezzy, alsmere"...those were some of the very first screen names that I began to recognize by sight.
And, as luck would have it, we did conceive the first time we tried
(Molly was meant to come to me!!), and I followed the familiar screen names into the DDC.
Finding the DDC was pivotal again for me, because I now became immersed in a group of women who, generally, had no doubt that they would birth naturally, and then AP their babies.
And as I journeyed with you all, I realized that I desperately wanted to birth naturally again, but I was secretly terrified of it still. But as the months went on, and after I found Hypnobabies with Sarah, Amy/True Blue, Green Rose (I think), Playa, and a few other mamas, I began to gain control over the fear, and began to plan again for a natural birth.
As I read all of your thoughts, and heard you talk about talking to your own babies (NOS and a few others), I realized I already had a relationship with Molly, and I could go ahead and trust her. And as soon as I did, I was hit with an overwhelming feeling that she wanted to be with me, and that she was bringing me a natural and healing birth.
Well, 1 year ago today, she did. It was lighting fast, and nothing like I expected, but also everything I hoped for, and she brought me healing and peace and changed everything!! She and I have been AP attached from the very beginning, and we are really just getting started!
This year has had it's ups and downs. I'll be the first to admit it. But seeing my darling son become a brother, seeing myself become the mother of a daughter (same for my DH), seeing me overcome fears and become more comfortable in my own skin...really it has been a year of complete blessing for me!
And I know in my heart that it would have happened very differently if I hadn't found MDC.
So, to end,
Thank you to each and every one of you...the ones who have been here since the beginning, and the amazing voices who have joined along the way!!
So, how's that for a 1,000th post? Is my senior title going to be "Beware this member, she is overly talkative and overly sentimental!"