Cousins and doctors...

[mi.birthdoula]

So, I was my cousins doula on Thursday for the birth of her second child, 1st boy. Babies father was there, and two of her siblings, one man, and one woman (both have 1 dd, but each want a ds.) In early labor father asked me if I knew anything about circumcision. I proceeded to explain that it is not rec by AMA, ACOG, what the benefits/functions are to leaving foreskin intact, it's not dirty/smelly, how to care/clean it etc. Father then asked how the procedure was done. After explaining it in detail, father, and 2 siblings said they would NEVER let anyone do that to a baby, they thought it was just a quick snip. Cousin pressed the point that she wanted him to look like daddy even though daddy didn't want it done (they are not married.) After about an hour, I finally convinced her that she should at the very least get some kind of pain relief for the baby for the procedure, or wait until he was older. She called me last night to let me know that it was going to be done this morning, and what transpired between her and the doctor. Doctor said that he refused to give anything for pain relief because babies don't feel any pain therefore no relief is necessary, and he does it so quick anyways that they only cry for a few seconds, and then quiet down. Since I had informed her that a lot of doc's will use this excuse, she rebutted that they go quiet because of shock, and you can only do the procedure so quick. She then went on to tell him that either he give the baby numbing cream at the very least, and in her presence, or she would not have it done. The doctor then went on to say, "Fine, if that's what it takes for you to let me do it here and now and not someone else later, then I will let you use it." I was absolutely ticked off that he made it so blatantly obvious that he was only doing it for the money and that he obviously ENJOYED performing the procedure. When I told dh about the comment afterward, he said it kind of reinforced the idea of us not circing this baby if its a boy. He was also livid about her doc. Anyways, I prayed last night that he would have the least amount of pain possible.

Even if I couldn't stop this circumcision, I feel like I may have saved any future little boys that my other cousins may bear, so I had to give myself a pat on the back for that.

Just thought I'd share my little experience, and annoyance:

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

How horrible :

That poor little baby. What is wrong with your cousin that she could be so oblivious to her ds's pain.

[mi.birthdoula]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

How horrible :

That poor little baby. What is wrong with your cousin that she could be so oblivious to her ds's pain.

It eludes me. Sometimes she can be so understanding and caring, and other times completely oblivious about everything. I just got off the phone with her again, and it really irks me because she just proceeded to tell me that everything I told her about breastfeeding, labor/delivery, reasons for jaundice levels in a breastfed baby, was all reaffirmed by the nurse she seen today. She told me thank you for all the info and advice I gave her regarding everything. Obviously the one thing that could have made the most difference to her son didn't seem to matter to her though. So who knows?

[tennisdude23]

That was a rather disturbing story. The fact that your cousin did not bother to discuss the issue with the boy's father and take his concerns into consideration is sad and troubling. And the doc's attitude is beyond words.

[savvybabygrace]

F THAT DOCTOR! I hope he burns in hell.

[RomanCarmelMom]

That doctor needs to lose his license. Is there some way you could encourage the father to turn him in for not providing pain relief for babies?

[peainthepod]

This is one of the worst stories I've ever heard.

[robertandenith]

[mi.birthdoula]

Just hearing everyone else's responses has somewhat vindicated my feelings on the whole thing. I tried to tell myself that I was over reacting to it all, but now I feel like I am entitled to feel the way I have been about it.

I think one of the reason's the boyfriend hasn't married her yet is the way she handles everything. She's a little older, so she thinks that his opinion doesn't matter I also don't think there is anything that I could do about the way the doctor went about it. I believe it would have to be taken up by either the father or mother, and of course the mother is not going to, and the father will probably never even stand up to HER let alone a doctor.

Anyone know anything differently about how I could go about it (with the doctor) other than to NEVER recommend anyone to him?

[Night_Nurse]

Why not send a letter to that hospital's ethics committee and say while working as a doula you observed a doctor push for a circumcision, an unsolicited surgery, just to make sure said doctor got paid instead of another doctor? You could also bring up the fact that this doctor states he never uses pain relief and ask about the ethical implications of that. Shouldn't a non-verbal patient in their hospital care be afforded proper pain management without fail?
It might not help to contact them, but it couldn't hurt at all.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by mi.birthdoula

Cousin pressed the point that she wanted him to look like daddy even though daddy didn't want it done (they are not married.)

Wait, if the Dad did not want it done, isn't the mother then NOT allowed to do it, seeing as they are both the parents of the child? Why didn't he just say NO!?

[mi.birthdoula]

Originally Posted by Night_Nurse

Why not send a letter to that hospital's ethics committee and say while working as a doula you observed a doctor push for a circumcision, an unsolicited surgery, just to make sure said doctor got paid instead of another doctor? You could also bring up the fact that this doctor states he never uses pain relief and ask about the ethical implications of that. Shouldn't a non-verbal patient in their hospital care be afforded proper pain management without fail?
It might not help to contact them, but it couldn't hurt at all.

I think I just may do this. Thank you!

[mi.birthdoula]

Originally Posted by perspective

Wait, if the Dad did not want it done, isn't the mother then NOT allowed to do it, seeing as they are both the parents of the child? Why didn't he just say NO!?

The hospital said that since they are not married that the mother had full say in it unless a DNA test was performed (at his/her cost) to verify 100% that he was the father. He hasn't worked in 6 months and is starting college again, so money is EXTREMELY tight so it wasn't an option. The hospital wouldn't take his consent for ANYTHING it all had to come from the mother. Which I guess I could see in certain circumstances, but I wish that they had a different policy.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by mi.birthdoula

The hospital said that since they are not married that the mother had full say in it unless a DNA test was performed (at his/her cost) to verify 100% that he was the father. He hasn't worked in 6 months and is starting college again, so money is EXTREMELY tight so it wasn't an option. The hospital wouldn't take his consent for ANYTHING it all had to come from the mother. Which I guess I could see in certain circumstances, but I wish that they had a different policy.

Isn't there anyway the father could protect his parental rights. Its horrible to imagine if this is the policy at a lot of hospitals. Its basically like hospitals telling fathers, "hey, you want your parental rights, well that will be $500!"

Isn't he angry at her now? I hate to use the (he has the penis argument) but I bet through his life experience he either misses or values his foreskin and unless she has done actual research then she could not understand its value as much as he could.

The whole story just makes me shake my head.