Beloved, you are so wise. I had a dinner date as a first date tonight and it was horrible!!!!!! 
He was nice, and sweet, but I knew at first sight I wasn't interested (look at many pictures from several different angles, not just one picture from a strange angle!) at all--he was simply sooooo skinny. Then we went to dinner and I noticed that he wasn't talking at ALL, hardly, and I had to make ALL the conversation, which I did, (tried to ask questions but got shrugs as answers) but even *I* got sick of the sound of my own voice after the first hour... and I was trying to eat slow (and had to eat slow so I could keep awkward silence at bay and couldn't talk and eat at the same time) but an hour was enough before I cleaned my plate. He picked at his food for 90 more minutes!!!!!!!!!! I sat there and had to entertain him for the loooongest 2.5 hour sit down meal of my life. I do think he's a nice person, but he was so slow, he finally admitted he was done with his food when it was ice cold and the waiter let us know they wanted to go ahead and close up the restaurant, and he had only eaten 20% of it, tops. The super skinny guy with a bald head (partially bald partially shaved, it seems) who does not EAT just seems a bit off. 
: Like, is he ill or is he annorexic or what?
Anyway, I thanked him and went home, won't be seeing him again.
Amnesty Guy has let me know on a late-night-Saturday-night chat that he has decided to cool it on the communications with me for at least a day, to avoid getting too enthusiastic and carried away already before meeting face to face on Saturday. However, I didn't expect he'd ignore me again today, Monday, and then when I chatted him up online late Monday night, he was definitely polite but definitely 'cool' and when I suggested we talk at some point during the week via phone or online (since he was going to bed soon), he said he has made up his mind just to meet me in person on Saturday and see what is there between us and decide about what feels like the right next step after that. Implying that he really doesn't want to be in touch between now and then terribly much. I know it's only 7 days of silence, and at this point only 5 more, and that's probably wise of him to decide that. However, it kinda bugs me that *he* decided it, and didn't present the idea of perhaps putting a moratorium on chatting/calling/texting between now and Saturday evening in a 'what do you say we do this' sort of suggestion, and instead made the decision on his own and then imposed the ruling on us. It's his choice whether or not to talk to me, but it feels weird and not cold but ...cool, at least, that he would decide that without sort of feeling it out one way or another about whether or not I would feel okay with it if he proceeded in that way. I would have liked if he would have said that he'd prefer if we tried to hold off until Saturday's live meeting, if that would be okay with me (because being in constant contact with someone for five days and then suddenly imposing radio silence for 7 days is a bit abrupt and could be interpreted in many ways).
I'm overthinking this. He's really right, it's absolutely awful to get carried away thinking about how great someone is whom you've never met IRL. That's why I rushed to Paris to meet guy-in-Brussels 6 days after we met online and hit it off, and it was less than 12 hours after I heard his voice the first time and knew how much I liked him during that first, seven-hour-marathon phone call (that felt like 15 minutes). It's best, if you have one of these really strong hunches, to move things to live-meetings right away so that if something does *not* click in person as it did online (even with video calls, etc), you find out before either/both get too attached. Right?
Anyway, the guy may be way too interesting for me. I mean, he sings in a choir, he studies sign language, dabbles in buddhist meditation, is a passionate music enthusiast attending punk rock and hard rock gigs frequently, he is heavily involved with Amnesty, obviously, and is starting a band where he will be a throat singer (what is that?), he is a very active uncle and godfather, very tight with his brothers and parents (and extended family) and spends significant time with them, has many good friends he has maintained over the years, and about half a dozen other random and intriguing sounding hobbies that I cannot believe he finds time to do. His life just seems way too rich to squeeze in a girlfriend like me. He has said straight out that if a relationship developed, obviously less-important things would get shuffled around to make room, and he argues that his life is full and between the lines it's obvious he wants to meet the right woman for him and settle down and he's really gung-ho on having a family of his own. 
: Dunno before meeting, he's right....but I miss his voice over the phone.....
Bald & Muscular is still in Barcelona! He chatted me and called me today, for fun, to say hi, etc. He still doesn't know/expect that he has a chance to date me, and seems so cool with being friends.
But 176 cm? 5'9"? I already tried that with the last shortie who was such a good kisser, who vanished of his own free will (either because he knew i had mixed feelings or) because I have children.....and I had such a hard time swallowing that, or my libido did anyway.
Ken-Doll hasn't called....: I wonder what that means :
Ok, it means that I'm not perfect and not EVERY guy wants me (my dating ego needed taking down a notch, for sure).
Surgeon Boy from my past, who lives in the US, is coming to Europe next month and wants to see me. We keep in touch but nothing intensive, just short emails from time to time. He's 28, handsome and 6'7"
, started and runs a charity organization that helps pre-teen girls in poor Romanian (he was born there) villages get a chance/scholarships to go to high school if there is no such offerings in their local area. And on top of that he's a surgeon, in the middle of doing his residency at the moment. He has hopes, I believe, that we could be something. Somehow. Although I live here and he is more than an ocean away. : I'll see him, I suppose, but.... : how can he see that working out? On the plus side, he has a EU passport and *coudl* move here after his residency is up, if he really really wanted to. : But his frequency of communication and the depth of it does not make me feel he's that *into* me, but the things he comments during occasional phone calls make it clear he thinks I'm everything he could want and he's hasn't seen anyone else in ages and thinks of us as a possibility. Hmmmm..... Haven't seen him in months and.... who knows. But long distance (especially VERY long distance) really, really sucks, and I don't wanna go there. But he is such an amazing person with the charitable foundation he started and runs in his spare time when he already works 100 hours per week at a hospital? I guess time flies for him and he's content with the idea of a girlfriend thousands of miles away. *shrug* : indeed.....
I know I am too verbose and am givin' ya'll way too much information. Just smile and nod, shrug and scratch your head with me, and if you are bored with time to kill, give me your 2 cents!
Thanks to ya'll who answered my questions about online dating and how you approach it.
He was nice, and sweet, but I knew at first sight I wasn't interested (look at many pictures from several different angles, not just one picture from a strange angle!) at all--he was simply sooooo skinny. Then we went to dinner and I noticed that he wasn't talking at ALL, hardly, and I had to make ALL the conversation, which I did, (tried to ask questions but got shrugs as answers) but even *I* got sick of the sound of my own voice after the first hour... and I was trying to eat slow (and had to eat slow so I could keep awkward silence at bay and couldn't talk and eat at the same time) but an hour was enough before I cleaned my plate. He picked at his food for 90 more minutes!!!!!!!!!! I sat there and had to entertain him for the loooongest 2.5 hour sit down meal of my life. I do think he's a nice person, but he was so slow, he finally admitted he was done with his food when it was ice cold and the waiter let us know they wanted to go ahead and close up the restaurant, and he had only eaten 20% of it, tops. The super skinny guy with a bald head (partially bald partially shaved, it seems) who does not EAT just seems a bit off. : Like, is he ill or is he annorexic or what?Anyway, I thanked him and went home, won't be seeing him again.
Amnesty Guy has let me know on a late-night-Saturday-night chat that he has decided to cool it on the communications with me for at least a day, to avoid getting too enthusiastic and carried away already before meeting face to face on Saturday. However, I didn't expect he'd ignore me again today, Monday, and then when I chatted him up online late Monday night, he was definitely polite but definitely 'cool' and when I suggested we talk at some point during the week via phone or online (since he was going to bed soon), he said he has made up his mind just to meet me in person on Saturday and see what is there between us and decide about what feels like the right next step after that. Implying that he really doesn't want to be in touch between now and then terribly much. I know it's only 7 days of silence, and at this point only 5 more, and that's probably wise of him to decide that. However, it kinda bugs me that *he* decided it, and didn't present the idea of perhaps putting a moratorium on chatting/calling/texting between now and Saturday evening in a 'what do you say we do this' sort of suggestion, and instead made the decision on his own and then imposed the ruling on us. It's his choice whether or not to talk to me, but it feels weird and not cold but ...cool, at least, that he would decide that without sort of feeling it out one way or another about whether or not I would feel okay with it if he proceeded in that way. I would have liked if he would have said that he'd prefer if we tried to hold off until Saturday's live meeting, if that would be okay with me (because being in constant contact with someone for five days and then suddenly imposing radio silence for 7 days is a bit abrupt and could be interpreted in many ways).
I'm overthinking this. He's really right, it's absolutely awful to get carried away thinking about how great someone is whom you've never met IRL. That's why I rushed to Paris to meet guy-in-Brussels 6 days after we met online and hit it off, and it was less than 12 hours after I heard his voice the first time and knew how much I liked him during that first, seven-hour-marathon phone call (that felt like 15 minutes). It's best, if you have one of these really strong hunches, to move things to live-meetings right away so that if something does *not* click in person as it did online (even with video calls, etc), you find out before either/both get too attached. Right?
Anyway, the guy may be way too interesting for me. I mean, he sings in a choir, he studies sign language, dabbles in buddhist meditation, is a passionate music enthusiast attending punk rock and hard rock gigs frequently, he is heavily involved with Amnesty, obviously, and is starting a band where he will be a throat singer (what is that?), he is a very active uncle and godfather, very tight with his brothers and parents (and extended family) and spends significant time with them, has many good friends he has maintained over the years, and about half a dozen other random and intriguing sounding hobbies that I cannot believe he finds time to do. His life just seems way too rich to squeeze in a girlfriend like me.
He has said straight out that if a relationship developed, obviously less-important things would get shuffled around to make room, and he argues that his life is full and between the lines it's obvious he wants to meet the right woman for him and settle down and he's really gung-ho on having a family of his own. : Dunno before meeting, he's right....but I miss his voice over the phone.....Bald & Muscular is still in Barcelona! He chatted me and called me today, for fun, to say hi, etc. He still doesn't know/expect that he has a chance to date me, and seems so cool with being friends.
But 176 cm? 5'9"? I already tried that with the last shortie who was such a good kisser, who vanished of his own free will (either because he knew i had mixed feelings or) because I have children.....and I had such a hard time swallowing that, or my libido did anyway. Ken-Doll hasn't called....
: I wonder what that means : Ok, it means that I'm not perfect and not EVERY guy wants me (my dating ego needed taking down a notch, for sure).Surgeon Boy from my past, who lives in the US, is coming to Europe next month and wants to see me. We keep in touch but nothing intensive, just short emails from time to time. He's 28, handsome and 6'7"
, started and runs a charity organization that helps pre-teen girls in poor Romanian (he was born there) villages get a chance/scholarships to go to high school if there is no such offerings in their local area. And on top of that he's a surgeon, in the middle of doing his residency at the moment. He has hopes, I believe, that we could be something. Somehow. Although I live here and he is more than an ocean away. : I'll see him, I suppose, but.... : how can he see that working out? On the plus side, he has a EU passport and *coudl* move here after his residency is up, if he really really wanted to. : But his frequency of communication and the depth of it does not make me feel he's that *into* me, but the things he comments during occasional phone calls make it clear he thinks I'm everything he could want and he's hasn't seen anyone else in ages and thinks of us as a possibility. Hmmmm..... Haven't seen him in months and.... who knows. But long distance (especially VERY long distance) really, really sucks, and I don't wanna go there. But he is such an amazing person with the charitable foundation he started and runs in his spare time when he already works 100 hours per week at a hospital? I guess time flies for him and he's content with the idea of a girlfriend thousands of miles away. *shrug* : indeed.....I know I am too verbose and am givin' ya'll way too much information. Just smile and nod, shrug and scratch your head with me, and if you are bored with time to kill, give me your 2 cents!
Thanks to ya'll who answered my questions about online dating and how you approach it.
: I can say I also did the same thing with my ex. Walked in with eyes wide open, noticing every red flag but believing that it was a necessary trade off for what i wanted. 
It's horrible to think about and remember someone you once loved in such a light, isn't it?
Just kidding. I know it IS scarily superficial and I consciously hate that about my libido, and would like to stamp it out. But haven't managed to do so yet.....I swoon over very tall (and cute) men, and just feel sisterly towards shorter guys. 
:
: I'm wondering if what was said earlier this week about chatting getting too suggestive too easily is part of this.... 
: 
:
: and start paying attention to me, face-to-face. 
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