So Amnesty Guy comes over and I cook dinner for him, and things seem to be sparking between us relatively well, I like him, he seems to like me.... we sit on the couch and after awhile of making conversation we start 'making out.' I'm thinking...... eh. he's not a great kisser. It's not crazy passion, but it's not awful. And, um, he's not.....*ahem* obviously into me in that way that a man should be when he's making out with a woman who he's attracted to. We end up just snuggling, and going to bed and snuggling, and talking through the night, and in the morning he gets up to freshen up and I ask if he has much time and he says yes so I ask him back to bed for more lounging and talking and snuggling. I'm thinking that it's just not....that hot between us..... but i like him and i'm thinking maybe it can grow and his circulation will *ahem* improve... and we have breakfast and then he explains that he didn't feel a spark for me, and was so nervous about telling me that that he was awake all night, unable to sleep. Poor him for stressing out telling me that, thinking that it would be really hard for me to hear or something. And poor me, for hearing that someone's not 'into me' even though I am certainly not heartbroken about it because i wasn't sure I was into him either!
But still hard to hear when someone just isn't feeling a 'spark' for you when you would have wanted there to be a spark there. I didn't feel it for him either, but I was thinking maybe it was because i was just comparing him to vanising-guy-in-Brussels, with whom I had the instantaneous earth shattering kind of passion with, and I figured I would lower my expectations on the lust-front, and just wait and see if it rose to a simmer or stayed kind of lukewarm. Apparently he's done and one date is enough.
I wish, if he would have realized it while we were making out, that he would have left, and not slept over. He had another place to go stay, so it would have been nice if he would have just left and emailed it to me instead of telling me to my face so I would have to do the awkward what-sort-of-facial-expression-do-I-wear sort of thing in front of him.... ugh.
Ken Doll really wants to see me again but has had a really high fever and flu keeping him indoors for the last week. He wished me a Happy Valentine's Day and told me he wished he could have planned a long get together this weekend, but he was staying in bed. Ironic, that it seems that the one that just wasn't into me, actually is pretty into me, maybe, and the one that seemed WAY TOO INTO me before meeting me face to face, actually isn't into me at all. You can never predict this stuff, can you? Men.
vanishing-guy-in-Brussels sends me Happy Valentine's text messages and a long email telling me that I was on his mind all day. God, would the guy that I'm in love and who is apparently still hanging onto being in love wtih me just drop off the face of the earth
and leave me be???? Please? How am I supposed to get over him when I can hear in his voice when he calls and I can see through the pathetic words he writes me that he dates no other and thinks very much of me and isn't able to get over me any easier than I am able to get over him??? It's like.... fingernails on a chalkboard to know that. I've begged him to just tell me that he's 'not into me' anymore to make it easier for me, and he sadly comments that he tries to convince himself every day that he wouldn't be ('cus it would be way easier on him too if he could stop being in love with me), but his self doesn't believe it for a second, and he continues to think of me and miss me.
What good is it to be in love if you can't find a way to be together? No good at all. He's weak, hopeless, useless. Need to remember that--that his feelings for me are useless. He will always be a 'vanishing guy' in & out of my life unless I pull the plug and cut ties and forget about him and just let him stay OUT and leave me in peace. So I don't respond to his texts or emails this week. Let's see how long I last. I hope Ken Doll heals and brings his Adonis beauty over here and give me a kiss and see if there's any spark there. Needin' some romance....
Any of you other single ladies with no special someone in the picture also feeling pretty hard up for a good dose of...... romance? passion? I'm wishing, right about now, I at least had a friends-with-benefits to call on....