Homebirth ?'s

[fairygirl13]

so i posted in a "tribe" group first, im new and dont know how to navigate this site yet! lol, but the person who replied gave me a link to this group, and im coping and pasting my first post.



I am new to MDC, i came over cause im sick of the DRAMA and judgment form cafemom. but i have a few ?'s on homebirth.

I know that stats, and that homebirth is "just as safe" as hospital birth, but with less interventions, better outcomes, and higher birth satisfaction rates, i could sit here and tell everyone i know that homebirth with a midwife is the safest thing for a normal pregnancy, and that the US is one of the only countries that treats pregnancy like a illness, ect ect ect. HOWEVER, for some reason, i cant bring myself to believe what i say. i really want a homebirth with my next baby, as long as i dont risk out. i had a very BAD first pregnancy, one of the few that needed *some* medical intervention, but got FAR more than it NEEDED, ended up delivering at 35 weeks luckely it was a sucessful induction and i avoided the knif, but non the less, i feel i would not have even come close to going through what i did had i of had a midwife vs a ob. BUT for some reason, i am still not fully convinced that home birth is a good idea FOR ME, but i also DONT WANT all of the crap the hospital's do to you. MMC is a ok idea, but its paying for a homebirth, not in my home, they cant do anything more than a homebirth midwife can, so why should i pay for a place to give birth, when i can do it at home. Im not one of those moms who somethimes entertains the idea of a homebirth, i am one of the moms who feel so ripped off by her first pregnancy and birth, that i am dead set on a homebirth, until i am left alone to think about it, then i get scared, i worry about things that only happen in 1% of all pregnancies and think they will all happen to me, and then i feel almost guilted into another hospital birth, because IF something were to happen, that could have been prevented BY something done in hosptials that is not done at home, i would carry that guilt forever. on the other hand i would feel just as guilty if my baby had something happen to it BECAUSE i had the baby in a hospital, but for some reason, i think i would feel more guilty if something happend at home, and i think its because in today's socity, hospitals are where birth happens, so if it happens there, its more accepted than if it happens at home. KWIM?

sorry for the long post, just making where i stand clear.

how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it?
what were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them?
did you have support about your choice? if not how did you deal with that?
was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system?

any and all help would be great!

thank you
Felicia

[alegna]

Originally Posted by fairygirl13

[COLOR="DarkRed"]
how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it?
what were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them?
did you have support about your choice? if not how did you deal with that?
was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system?

Answering questions, in order

I really didn't entertain the thought of hospital birth. Birth is normal, not illness or injury.

I had no substantial fears.

My husband was entirely on my side once I discussed it with him. Everyone else either was educated and knew it was a valid choice, was willing to BE educated, or was ignorant- and I frankly don't care what ignorant people think

-Angela

[fairygirl13]

Originally Posted by alegna

Answering questions, in order

I really didn't entertain the thought of hospital birth. Birth is normal, not illness or injury.

I had no substantial fears.

My husband was entirely on my side once I discussed it with him. Everyone else either was educated and knew it was a valid choice, was willing to BE educated, or was ignorant- and I frankly don't care what ignorant people think

-Angela

well my DH is somewhat supportive, he is scared because of how my first pregnancy went, but my parents are the "we have all these technologys for a reason" type, and they are somewhat influencing my DH and if he is not totally comfortable, im not gonna be, and thats gonna cause problems.

[sarah1122]

This is a really personal decision and there is no right or wrong way or place to give birth. The best place for you is the place where you are going to feel safest and most comfortable.

Hospital birth was just never an option for us...I'd been to the home births of several friends and having a baby at home was the norm for us. I knew for myself that I was going to feel safer and more comfortable staying home.

I did have some fears about things going wrong...and I think that is totally normal NO MATTER WHERE you choose to have your baby. You might want to write down your fears about having your baby at home and your fears about having the baby in the hospital. Then, see how they add up and which ones you can work with.

I was born via a c-section, so there was a lot of expectation from both of my parents (and there was also a lingering fear about this in my own mind) that I wouldn't be able to have a normal birth simply because my mother hadn't and that was something I was working through right up until the moment my son was actually born.

I had 100% support from my husband...less from our families. We just gave everyone lots of literature to read so that they were educated about our decision and we stopped listening to those who were feeding us fear. The worries of others are their own...they've got NOTHING to do with you.

Just trust your gut...you'll know what the right decision for you is. And no matter where you choose to have your babe you'll find lots of support here.

Hugs mama.

[JamieCatheryn]

My research and our Bradley class told us how a normal birth goes, and how occasional problems tend to give warning signs in plenty of time. I decided quickly that I wanted a natural birth, not hand choices over to professionals and the process over to technology. We decided with our first that we'd birth at home unassisted if things should go perfectly smoothly. Though no emergency arose, things weren't completely smooth so we went to the hospital after all for checking, and I birthed naturally there. This time we have hired and midwife, so if minor concerns or variations of normal happen we'll have the reassurance we need from someone with experience.

I deal with anything that concerns me by forming a contingency plan in case of it. I know what is done in the case of the what-if's that may occur in pregnancy and in birth. So, if there are indications of trouble that we cannot treat at home with our midwife, we'll go to the hospital for the appropriate treatments. If some very rare immediate emergency comes up, we do what we can and accept possible consequences. Being bullied, lied to, and threatened in the hospital while they try to force consent for non evidence based treatments scare me worse, but even for that we have plans on how to stand up to it if we end up there again.

My husband is completely in agreement with me about birth being normal and natural and better handled by working with the process not overriding it with technology. Friends and family are pretty neutral about it.

I guess all I heard most of my life was about babies being born in hospitals, but once I heard of them being born at home too and learned about the normal birth process it was clear to me the hospital was unnecessary at best in many cases, a hindrance and danger sometimes.

[D'sMama]

I suggest that you:

Read Henci Goer's Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth for some perspective on interventions and risks in childbirth. It's very well-researched and full of references.

Watch the Business of Being Born

Read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - the birth stories in particular will help you to develop a more positive mindset about natural out-of-hospital births.

Ignore other people's concerns and negativity - just do your own research, and lots of it. The more I read, the more comfortable I became. Yes, it's a little scary when you first think about it because you're probably (if you grew up in mainstream-land) undoing an entire life's worth of negative associations with childbirth. I'm willing to bet that nearly everyone you know had a hospital birth, probably most with interventions. Every movie and TV show that depicts birth is done up dramatically for the sake of entertainment, but those depictions stick in your head. It takes a bit of work and mental reprogramming to get rid of what society has trained you to think about birth.

About the risks - make a list of what you're concerned about and then research it. For example, postpartum hemorrhage is a potentially fatal risk of childbirth. But, the chances of it happening in the hospital are greater because of interventions like induction and attempts to rush the delivery of the placenta. To treat it, an OB would do the same as a midwife at home - give you drugs to contract the uterus and stop the bleeding. I had a mild hemorrhage after my homebirth, but my midwife stopped it immediately with methergine and cytotec. I followed that up with some Shepherd's Purse tincture. So, in the case of hemorrhage, I believe I was better off at home. While she was treating me, I was calmly holding my baby and his cord stayed attached. In the hospital? I'm not so sure that would have been the case.

Anyway, to answer your questions:

I decided to homebirth because it didn't feel right to me to give birth in a hospital when I'm healthy and low-risk. I believe birth is a normal part of life and is a physiological process that functions best without a lot of meddling. It's where I felt comfortable.

I wasn't afraid of anything except transferring to the hospital and of needing a C-section. I accepted that things could go wrong, but I never felt like it would be my fault for choosing homebirth. I dealt with this fear by talking to my husband and midwife about it and reminding myself that I was doing everything in my power to have a healthy, safe, normal birth at home, and if I needed to go to the hospital, it would have been for an actual medical NEED, which is what hospitals are there for.

My immediate family and husband supported my decision once they realized how much research I had done. My husband became a convert after I read to him bits of Pushed, Born in the USA, and Thinking Woman's Guide, and made him watch BoBB with me. His family loves doctors, though. They were not exactly a fan of the idea, but they kept their mouths shut and haven't really said anything about it. I guess I got lucky there!

I've always "known" birth happens in hospitals, until I started thinking about getting pregnant and went through it all in my head. Once I started reading, there was no turning back! I love me some Ina May and Henci Goer!

So, yeah. I will never have a child in the hospital unless there's a medical reason. If you think about it, though - why go to a hospital if you don't have a medical reason? Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, IMO (unless that's where you feel most comfortable).

[Hallielynn01]

how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it?
Well, my first child was born in a free standing birth center, so the switch to homebirth wasn't a big leap. I decided I liked the idea of not having to drive anywhere before or after the birth. Driving in labor sucked!

what were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them?
I think it is in Birthing from Within, that she mentions having fears are good. That means your being aware and active about your birth. The key is (like the above poster mentioned) sit down with your fears, and learn how to deal with them. Take those fears to the midwife, ask her how she handles them, which emergencies she sees the most, Have her explain why she feels homebirth is safe. And remember, just because you are in a hospital doesn't mean your safe, or that you and your baby can be saved in case of emergency. Its just the harsh reality of birth. Hospitals like you to believe that its safe, but we loose a lot of moms and babies in this country, and when you look at the numbers that birth in hospitals vs home... well..... you can guess where the majority of those deaths are occurring. As for personal fears, I was more worried about needing a transfer. So I prepared the best I could to make that easier on me if needed, pre registered at hospital, had plans for DD, and a bag packed. Just in case.

did you have support about your choice? if not how did you deal with that?
No one said much, but again, DD was born out of hosptial, so much of the hard work of telling people about the safety of it all. I also just reminded them that homebirth is no different than birth center birth, just a different location. Since people seem more comfortable with that for some reason.

was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system?
I was planning a hospital birth with DD1 up till 36 weeks. My mom was a nurse, I no issues with hospitals, and I had no idea we had birth centers and such until I took our Bradley class. We were planning a natural birth and at 36 weeks my OB basically said "patients like you tie our hands behind our backs (at my request for no or little intervention), Why did you come to me if you didn't want my help (well if nothing is going wrong, shouldn't you NOT being doing anything??) and if I didn't stay on his time clock, they would insist on pitocin. I realized in that moment he was not there for me, but for doing birth HIS way. And that was not ok with me. I was about to pay these people a lot of money to help me give birth, and I realized that they didn't care at all about me, just getting it done and over, and making it as easy for THEM as possible. That was when I realized that I had lost faith in my provider and could no longer trust him enough to birth with him.So I was outa there!

[barefootpoetry]

how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it? I decided on homebirth as soon as I realized what an utter crap shoot my first birth was. I was kind of in shock for a while, and when it wore off, I was even MORE shocked at how it really didn't HAVE to be that way.

what were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them? My fears were all about birthing in the hospital. I was terrified of having another C-section. That was one of my main reasons for doing it at home, because I knew that fear would just shut me down as soon as I walked into the hospital. I felt very good about homebirth. I subconsciously knew that it would be okay.

did you have support about your choice? if not how did you deal with that? Yes and no. Some people supported me. Some didn't. DH didn't. So I birthed without him. I was a little sad that I did not have the happy family birthing scene, but I still got to birth my son in the safest most gentlest way, so I suppose the rest is just semantics.

was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth
was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system? I was aware of homebirth when I was pregnant with my first, but I didn't really know much about it. At the time midwifery was illegal in my state. By the time I was pregnant with my second, it was legal, and I had been exposed to a lot more of that world.

I realized something was "seriously wrong with the system" about halfway through my first birth. Here I was, trying to labor, and it was all going so wrong. They would not leave me alone. They would not let me HAVE A DRINK OF WATER. They were MEAN to me. I was miserable. I knew this wasn't how it should be. Thank goodness I learned that there was another way, or I might never have had any more kids.

[rad]

how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it?
It just felt like the right fit for me. I don't like hospitals, never have. Giving birth is natural not a sickness. it just didn't make sense to go to aplace where you go when you're sick. After researching and seeing homebirth was safe, I had no reason to go the hospital route.

what were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them?
Honestly, any fear I ever had about birth had to do with the hospital and their interventions. Once I made the decision to homebirth, my birthing fears instantly disappeared.

did you have support about your choice? if not how did you deal with that?
My DH was very supportive. Ours weren't against us homebirthing but they didn't offer a ton of support either. And the truth is, I really didn't care what they thought, so it didn't effect me at all.

was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system?
Yes, for most of my life I thought the hospital was how it was (and most women I knew had horrible births). Once I got married and we started talking about TTC I had alot of anxiety about birth. To the point of being very angry about what was done to women at hospitals and envious of my DH because he didn't have to go through all that to get the baby we wanted. It was by luck that I wandered across "Immaculate Deception II" at a used book store and once I read it I knew there was another way to give birth. And I found alot of peace when I thought about starting our family after that.

[mom2a4Rashelle]

how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it?
having had three (tons of intervention) births in a hospital and seeing the same OB for our fourth and receiving clinic like care I knew there had to be something better and when I found out midwife's are able to attend VBAC's, #1c-section, #2 &3 VBAC...I was thrilled. I interviewed 4 different midwife's and did so much research on the internet and forums such as these and was convinced that my body would do it if given the chance.

what were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them? Really I was more excited and anxious for the experience to come. Even in the "thick of it" I was calm and very in-tune to my baby and my bodies needs


did you have support about your choice? if not how did you deal with that? My in-laws did not understand why, when we have good insurance and a close hospital, yet they did not stand in our way. My husband explained that we would not put my life or our child's life at risk, that there would be a midwife, since they were worried about being a VBAC


was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system?
birth #1 I was admitted too early then given pit cause i was not progressing fast enough, tried to labor with pit for what seemed like forever, baby had 1 heart deceleration while I was crying in pain laying on my back with an IV coming out of my hand off to a c-section which the spinal wore off after he was born, had to be put under then did not meet my child until he was 2hours old
Birth #2 try for a VBAC very early labor @3cm, break water, put on pit ( which i will never understand why), IV in hand, epidural too much pain with pit, lay on back, major back labor, hello laying on back in bed, push for 12min oh no she's gonna tear episiotomy.....10min out she is lays on belly for 5 min off to get cleaned and warmed up with bright lights, foot print, movin baby all over....
Birth #3 VBAC again...same scenario as birth #2 almost identical to a T
Birth #4 there has got to be somethin better, midwife can attened Thank You Jesus! early labor at home, take a shower put jammies back on....labor around house while husband does some yard work and the kids are in and out of the house...birth ball, walking, all fours, drinking juice and water threw a straw not a vein call midwife comes 1.5hours of labor some in water, hot compresses and perinial massage & support (wonderful) pressure massage on back water breaks on its own then 10min of pushing not a single tear and my girl got to rest on my tummy for at least an hour, nursing, opening her eyes, dim lit room in our bed....meeting her family
Just with my birth explanations I am sure you can see why My eyes were opened. My homebirth had NO interventions was the least amount of any pain, was comfortable, relaxing, enjoyable and something I wish every single person could experience!In fact if I could do all my births over I would have NEVER stepped foot in an OB's office!!

[2+twins]

how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it?

Honestly, it was one of those things that just felt right so I went with it. I had a friend planning a homebirth of her first baby (this was years before I was even ttc) and she told me about it and brought me along to one of her pre-natal appointments. I knew then and there that it made sense. I became more educated after becoming pregnant and choosing a midwife.

what were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them?

My dh is a firefighter-paramedic and thus trained in emergency childbirth. He put some fears into me about cord prolapse - I think that was about it. I dealt with these fears by exploring the liklihood of something like this happening and learning how (by asking) my mw would deal with such a thing. I've found that in general fears are put to rest once you ask the mw how she'd deal with such-and-such and then you realize that it's not usually all that bad or scary a thing to happen and that she's equiped to deal with *so much* at home and can transfer in plenty of time for the rest.

did you have support about your choice? if not how did you deal with that?

My dh was supportive. Like I said, he brought up some concerns but I remember that conversation clear as day and asking him point blank, "Are you trying to scare me? Do you not want me to do this?" and he said no, that he wasn't but that he wanted us both to be aware of all potential problems (which isn't a bad thing). I really don't remember other people being outwardly unsupportive. Maybe they just expect me to be "different" and left it at that. I'm certain I got the 'putting your baby at risk' line but I guess I always knew better so it just didn't bother me.

was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system?

There was, before I met that friend in college. I don't think I even realized that women had babies at home anymore and I know for a fact that I fully believed that women of course should get an epidural. I had only heard horror stories about birth and had absolutely zero knowledge of natural birth and why there's a benefit there so it only made sense that you'd get something like an epidural if available. Just goes to show you that when you know better, you do better. Just thankful that I knew better in time.

[applejuice]

I was born at home in the 1950s, UC. My mom went on to have seven more at home. She always looked better than the women who came home from the hospital after resting there a week, which is what they did in those days. Nothing is better than helping your Father weigh your own newborn sibling when you are fourteen and seventeen years old.

[fairygirl13]

all of you are helping me out so much! thank you!

[MsHiss]

how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it?

I read several books, including "Creating Your Birth Plan" by Marsden Wagner

http://www.amazon.com/Creating-Your-...3708658&sr=8-1

Interviewed several Doctors and Nurse Midwives who I didn't feel comfortable with (their policy trumped my birth plan) and several homebirth midwives who expected my choices to lead the birth. I was and am vehemently opposed to pitocin and other intrusive birth industry standards. Having a homebirth allowed me to be sure my choices would be honoered.

what were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them?
I worried about having a large baby (I did, she was over 11lbs.) shoulder dysplasia, which actually happened, but my midwife handled it without a problem.

did you have support about your choice?
My DH was supportive, he read the same info I did... so had a similar perspective. My sister had a homebirth several years before, but it was not an option I ever expected to have.

was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system?
The research I did changed my mind.

Good luck! I never dreamed I would have a home birth, but it was definately the right choice for me.

[maryjane]

I agree with the reading suggestions. Watching BOBB with my H was very helpful to him. So was meeting with the midwife (for over 2 hours!) I interviewed several on the phone, and was able to focus in on the person that I thought was the best fit for me and H. I knew that he wouldn't have patience to go to a bunch of in-person interviews, which is why I did it that way. After meeting with her, any medical/safety concerns were alleviated. He was still a bit freaked out about the expense, since a hospital birth would be fully covered by insurance. That's where the BOBB came in -- he became convinced that we couldn't have the birth I/we wanted in a hospital. In fact, he said, "Well, I guess it's true what they say. There's no such thing as a free lunch!" LOL.

As for your questions:

how did some of you homebirthers finally decide on it?

I had two hospital births in Israel, where a midwife model is used. I was very pleased with my births but probably would have leaned toward a HB even if we were still living there. I had just decided that being in the hospital was unnecessary. After moving to the U.S., however, I personally became convinced that having the birth I wanted at a hospital was, at best, a crap shoot.

What were some of your fears, and how did you deal with them?
Since this is my third birth, I don't have any fears about the birth process. I actually investigated HB for my first, but was so fearful about birth itself, that I ruled it out. I was SO afraid of the pain that I didn't want to be in a place without pain meds. Intellectually, I was all, "birth is normal, not an illness" but emotionally, I was scared to death of the pain!

did you have support about your choice? if not how did you deal with that?

My husband is now fully on-board. My parents, who I am very close to, were pretty nervous at first, but they're coming around. In fact, now they both want to be here! (Not sure how I feel about that, but their presence may be helpful in terms of taking care of my older kids.)

was there ever a point in your life where you thought that a hospital birth was "how it went", and what made you realize that there is something seriously wrong that system?
I have been on (mainstream) message boards since I was pregnant with my first, so even though I was living out of the country, I have read hundreds, if not thousands, of stories from American women about their births. It was clear to me that unnecessary interventions is the standard of care here. I'm not saying Israel is some natural birthing nirvana, but the midwife model of care leads to much better results. The fact that the c-section rate there is between 12 and 15 percent and here it is 30-35 percent is proof positive for me!

[zoebird]

hey felicia! much love to you!

you are dealing with acculturation. acculturation is how our culture impacts our thinking. when you are aware of information but it conflicts with what your culture tells you is "always true" it's very hard to "unlearn" or "go against" what the culture teaches.

when i reached menarche, i had a dream where i had an unassisted birth. sharing this with my parents, they informed me that people give birth in hospitals--that is what our culture teaches, what my mother did, etc. every time people think about babies, they think about doctors and hospitals. you know? our culture says "this is what is."

when i finally rediscovered unassisted childbirth, it seemed both totally correct and also completely terrifying. i was terrified not so much of the mechanics of everything, yet i did feel fear--but fear of what?

when i read your post, i see you mostly talking about fears which are largely about how we feel culturally about birth. it is hard to overcome acculturation because it's how we've been taught to think and feel. a lot of them aren't about the mechanics, but about really embracing what you know to be true in the face of all of the nay-saying of our culture.

and, our culture does normalize. normalization is a process by which things that are outside of the norm (or fringe behaviors) are maligned, or the individuals who practice them are maligned, or both. this is social policing--trying to get everyone to normalize. it is harsh in our culture too, and particularly about this (children and parenting--which includes birthing).

it is hard to really embrace what we *know* cognitively to be true in light of all of the pressures of our own feelings and doubts and the criticism and policing of our culture.

which means, of course, that you are exactly where you should be right now--and it's a good place to be because it does mean that there will be a breakthrough for you! You will find a way to face and come to terms with your fears, to embrace what you know to be true whole heartedly, and make an independent, informed decision based on your self-knowledge!

exciting, huh?

i'll answer questions later. gotta nurse the baby! and he doesn't want me NAK!