Please help...5 y.o. said he wants to kill himself

[moonshoes]

I can't get into all the thoughts going through my head right now, I haven't slept all night. I have suspected my child is depressed for a while, I also think he may have Asperger's and ADHD. He is only 5 years old and yesterday he told DH that he wants to kill himself, that he wants to be dead. I didn't find out about this until after he was in bed, and when he came into my bed around 4:00 a.m., I asked about it and he said he knew it meant he would be dead, that he doesn't think he is special at all, and that life is no fun, it's no fun being alive.

My heart is breaking, I can't think straight and I don't know what to do. If I call our ped, is she going to brush it off or is she going to have him committed...I just don't know what to do. I am just so sad and scared.

This isn't related to any particular incident, nothing "bad" has happened, he doesn't go to school, he isn't being bullied (although I have not exactly been a stellar mother)...I just don't know what to do.

[russsk]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice, but my brother used to say things like that. He was a morose little boy. He got through it though, and he is one of the sweetest, happiest and compassionate people I know. It was hard to see him hurting, but I think that's why he is so caring now.

He was in therapy for a long time, and it really helped him. And no one ever mentioned committing him.

[hipchick]

I would talk to his ped. Since you think that he might have Asberger's Syndrome or ADHD, it would be a good idea to find out one way or another. It might be a phase that he is going through. Once he is diagnosed, you can move forward. It is also possible that it is a phase that he is going through. Good luck and hugs.

[reezley]

I don't have experience with this but couldn't read and not reply. That sounds really dismaying. What I would do in your situation would be to start the road to finding out more about what might be going on with him, especially since you say you've had suspicions for a while that something isn't right. I might ask the pediatrician, but would also call a child psychologist for advice on whether some sort of therapy or evaluation is warranted.

[kblackstone444]

Take him to a child psychologist or his pediatrition. Maybe it's nothing, but children that age have been able to kill themselves. You need to follow through in every way possible. You may regret not taking hime. You won't regret taking him, even if it's nothing.

[mikchrhan]

I work in a pyschologist office and i would recommend calling now to get your son in, and as you said you suspect him to be depressed also, that is a reason on its own to get him help. If your pedi just blows it off, use your mom judgement, you live with him everyday, and if he needs help now is the time. They might even do play therapy with him where he plays through his anger and problems.

[meemee]

definitely call the peds office and ask for a referral.

i cant remember where i read this but i think it CAN be related to aspbergers or even more.

he is not on any medication is he that could be a cause for this like epileptic medicine?

your son definitely needs to be seen.

[Surfacing]

Yes, do take him to the doctor. Let us know how it turns out.

[Devaskyla]

Ds1 has never specifically said that, but he definitely is depressed too. It's hard.

Please get a referral for him to get him some help.

[williamsmommy2002]

My 6 year an autism spectrum condition. He's said he's wanted to die quite a few times. He definately goes through bad periods and sometimes it leads to this. It started probably right aroung the time he turned 5. He also has serious anxiety problems. I don't think he fully comprehends much of what he is saying because he is delayed. However we have sought out help for him. I think your child really needs to be under the care of a professional.

[catnip]

ADHD has a very high correlation with depression, anxiety and other hard to cope with emotional conditions. I was having a conversation with a long time friend of mine (we both have ADHD) the other day, and we both recalled bouts of severe depression as kids. He was actually saying that remembering that the depressive episodes happened when he was a little kid actually makes him feel better because he knows it is not his fault that he feels that way sometimes.

What an awful thing to have to hear and deal with as a mom. s Please realize that there is likely something out of whack in his brain chemistry and that it is not because of anything you did. You are doing the absolute right thing taking it seriously and starting the process of getting help. There isn't a one of us who can't point to moments of less than stellar parenting, so don't feel that you somehow made this happen with something you did or didn't do.

[monkeybum]

Which house would you buy?

(Ignore the title - oops!). I would try talking to him more to see what he thinks that means. My (just turned) 5 year old keeps saying he wants to quit our family, that he keeps having dreams he's dead, and talking about killing people and being dead. Being dead is like the "theme" of the day.

So I asked him what happened in his dreams to make him dead, he said that his friend kicked and hit him, and in another, some rocks fell on him. When I asked him what it was like to be dead, he said that me and his dad took him to the hospital, the doctor made him better and that he came home again. He basically keeps having dreams that he gets hurt, has to go to the hospital and get "fixed" or better, but afterwards he's fine). To him, "dead" means sick or hurt. He really doesn't understand what dead is.

When I ask him why he wants to "kill" whomever he wants to kill, he says it's because that person is bothering him in some way, so there is usually a better solution, (why don't we do the puzzle on the table so your little brother doesn't step on it; why don't you try playing with X if Y doesn't want to play with you...).

It's possible that if your DS wants to kill himself, that he's saying he wants to hurt himself, maybe to get attention. I would talk to him about what it means to be dead, what it's like to be dead, and why he thinks being dead would be better than being alive. That may give you some insight, (i.e. maybe being dead means your little brother doesn't take your lego...which has a much easier solution if that is the problem!).

Sometimes I think it's an exploration of new words and concepts, they are testing them out. If he doesn't really understand what "dead" means, (which I am not sure he would at 5) it may be he is testing it out, and that it is his "solution" for some problem that you can help him solve in a better way.

Just my two cents. I wouldn't get all freaked out yet, and I'd be hesitant to get him evaluated (unless your mommy instinct says there is really something wrong) as I hate kids to get stuck with labels and I find some docs so quick to find a medication solution when there are other solutions.

[moonshoes]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It really does make me feel better. I called our ped and talked to the nurse, they are having me come in next Monday and I guess see if he should be evaluated. I'm absolutely sure he should be. I think he does feel depressed and understands what death means, we've talked about it at length. He went so far as to try to swallow a magnet after he said he was going to kill himself (he knows that is very dangerous). My daughter got them all out of his reach so he couldn't get to them.

I'm keeping a close eye on him and giving him lots of attention. I will go to the appt. on Monday with the ped and see what she says, but I am going to insist either way on him seeing a psychologist.

Thanks for all your thoughts and I'll keep you updated.

[lalaland42]

[moonshoes]

Update

I just wanted to update that I went to our ped yesterday who was VERY supportive, kind and understanding. She recommended a therapist for him to see immediately, esp. because a neuropsych eval (which she also wants) can have a waiting time of 6 months to a year.

I really appreciate all of your support. I think we have a long road ahead of us, but at least we are starting on the path of figuring out how to help him and ourselves.

[pgmom]

I found this thread because of what happened lastnight. My 5 year old put a belt around his neck and squeezed it... said he wanted to kill himself to see if he would go to heaven.

I didnt act like it was a big deal lastnight, but it's really bothering me. I've called his dr already and am waiting for a call back...

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by pgmom

I found this thread because of what happened lastnight. My 5 year old put a belt around his neck and squeezed it... said he wanted to kill himself to see if he would go to heaven.

I didnt act like it was a big deal lastnight, but it's really bothering me. I've called his dr already and am waiting for a call back...

[terra-pip]

I think in these situations a thorough inspection of the child's environment is in order. What are they watching on TV, even the shows you watch that you don't think they pay attention to? What video or computer games are they playing? Do you know what they look at on the computer? What do they play or watch at friends houses?

I don't mean these questions to be judgemental...but I believe that the ideas kids get come from somewhere, and if as parents we don't like what we are seeing or hearing then we need to search out the root causes of these ideas. Then give our children the correct information to any misconceptions and lots lots lots of undivided attention and listening to help them work through any feelings.

My 6 year old is on the autism spectrum and he has been playing "dead" games with toys..a game he learned from another child. That child learned it from somewhere, possibly movies or video games.

I do honestly feel that in children with sensory issues, autism, ADHD etc...that media especially needs to be monitored.

[Surfacing]

I am thinking of you mamas. Keep us updated.

[greeny]