Did you hold your boy back from Kindergarten for a year? - Page 6

[QueeTheBean]

Originally Posted by honolula

I'm a little sad that this is considered a gender issue. I realize that girls and boys often develop differently, but ALL children develop differently. Isn't that why we guide our children as individuals?

:

Actually, it really upsets me. As the mother of two boys, I've heard since they were born that they would be slower than girls to do just about everything--talk, use the potty, read . . . I never believed it--and it has never turned out to be true. I am surprised that so many people just seem to naturally accept this.

FWIW, I have a July boy who started kind. at 5. He is almost always the youngest in his class, and always the smallest. He's in 5th grade now and is way above grade level in academics and seems happy enough. I volunteer in the classrooms at school and see NO correlation between age and academic abilty or social adjustment. There are plenty of "old girls" who struggle and plenty of "young boys" who shine. Maybe it will be different in later grades, I can't say, but it can't be as simple as holding all boys back . . .

[Freeman]

Originally Posted by QueeTheBean

As the mother of two boys, I've heard since they were born that they would be slower than girls to do just about everything--talk, use the potty, read . . . I never believed it--and it has never turned out to be true. I am surprised that so many people just seem to naturally accept this.

: I agree. I do notice a difference in activity level -- just speaking from my own (admittedly limited!) personal observations.

[winter45]

Do not hold your child back from kindergarten

The school that my daughter goes wanted to hold her back a year during the kindergarten round up. I was really torn up. The best thing I ever did was send her to kindergarten and not hold her back. They assessed her based on the way she held a pencil and sat on her knees during the roundup. I worked with her during the summer and we practiced reading and writing so she was a bit more ready. She skipped preppy k and got the best kindergarten teacher. It was an enriching experience for her. She is the top reader in her class now. Bottom line is don't hold someone back or penalize them before they even get a shot at it. If possible keep them with their peers. She excelled and I can't imagine the damage I would have done if I would have held her back. Too many parents are concerned with getting their child ahead by holding them back and not teaching them the experience of competition. The world is about being challenged and if you take the easy road by holding them back then you really aren't teaching them other than life is easy which it isn't.

[columbusmomma]

My DS has an end of May birthday. I started him in kindergarten, full day at a young 5 and so glad I did! He was in pre-k, fulltime since I worked out of home, so it's not like he wasn't "used" to a school type setting. He had a wonderful teacher and it was a K/1 split so he got her for 2 years. He learned so much that year. Yes, he does have a dx of ADHD but with help of his teacher this was brought to light over the years in her classroom, and DH and I were able to realize his uniqueness and what he needed in the classroom for help. I'm glad that we knew this early on and it would've been put off for a year if we had held him back from kindergarten. And some of the behavioral issues were developemental(age,etc.)but some were ADHD and we knew this because he was in the classroom setting. If anything, I would've had him repeat kindergarten if I thought this is what he needed, vs. not sending him at all b/c we did not know if he was "ready", how he would fare,how he would acheive, etc. It is a hard decision. And I like the point one of the PP said about why is this necessarily a boy issue and starting kindergarten, and not either boy or girl issue gender. I think it's hard to analyze now when a child is young, say 3,4, or younger...wait until they are at the age where they could enter school. Another factor was honestly, kindergarten is free and preschool at the Goddard school wasn't....so why not give it a try!

[crl]

Wow, this thread is almost a year old! I scanned through it, sure that I must have posted the first time it popped up and I did.

DS is now in kindergarten, a year late. At this point, I feel like it was a good decision for him. His preschool is also an after school care provider and so he sees some of the same teachers there as he did last year. Their comments are that it is amazing how much he has grown in the last 6 months. His willingness to try new things, his ability to stay on task and his ability to play with a variety of children without adult support are amazing by comparision to how he was even 6 months ago. I feel like kindergarten would have been a real struggle for him in terms of social and emotional maturity last year, but this year it is coming relatively easily to him. I think he is not being particularly challenged by the academics, but I also do not think he is bored at this point. I think a good bit of his energy is devoted to managing the other parts of school and the academics being relatively easy for him is a good thing at this point.

For those who think they would prefer to have their child repeat K, I just wanted to offer an alternative perspective. In our school district it is incredibly difficult to have a child held back. I know a mother who tried very hard to achieve this and was not able to. Also, I think the older a child is the more like the child is to see this as a failure on their part. Additionally the other kindergarten kids will remember that the child was held back and that may result in teasing, etc. I believed that doing an extra year of preschool was really our last opportunity to hold DS back.

A few people commented on how this plays out down the road. We haven't experienced it yet with DS, obviously. My brother was "held back" and I did talk with him and with my mother before making our decision. My mother remains convinced that it was the best thing for my brother. She made the decision based on social and emotional maturity, not academic ability. My brother thought it was all a big non-issue. He has no memories of ever caring that he was the oldest in his class and no memories of anyone else making it an issue in any way. (He now has a masters degree in journalism and is the editor of a daily newspaper in the mid-west.) He turned 18 in October of his senior year of high school. (By comparision, DS will turn 18 in June before his senior year and not turn 19 until after he graduates from high school.)

I just thought I'd update in case anyone is pondering this decision for the 2010-11 school year.

Catherine

[SiValleySteph]

I'll add my experience as well. My son has a late September birthday, so many places this wouldn't have been an issue. Our cutoff is Dec 2nd, so he could go into Kinder when still 4. We were wavering based on online threads (such as this one), IRL comments from the principal, other parents, etc. - none were based on our son himself, but more an in general, younger boys should be held back.

We didn't hold him back. He started Kindergarten in August and it has been amazing. He too has had a phenomenal amount of growth. Our main concern was social as he was always very shy and did not talk to other kids. Now we will be out and about and he will be running into 2-3 or more kids that he knows, not even all in his grade! He has just blossomed. At the first parent conferences, the teacher told us that there was absolutely no way to tell that DS is younger. He is doing excellent behaviorally, socially and academically.

I'm really pleased that we didn't give in to fear and hold him back.

Time will tell how things go in junior and high school, but I feel very good about the future.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by SiValleySteph

We didn't hold him back. He started Kindergarten in August and it has been amazing. He too has had a phenomenal amount of growth. Our main concern was social as he was always very shy and did not talk to other kids. Now we will be out and about and he will be running into 2-3 or more kids that he knows, not even all in his grade! He has just blossomed. At the first parent conferences, the teacher told us that there was absolutely no way to tell that DS is younger. He is doing excellent behaviorally, socially and academically.

I feel a lot of this kind of growth occurs because the child goes to school. DS started school at 2 1/2 (not K but preschool,) and blossomed in this way. I really don't feel it had much to do with age and maturing, but was do to being in school with his peers.

[SomedayMom]

I have a little one who will beat the cutoff by 2 weeks (Aug 1 cutoff, July 17 birthday).

I will decide when it is time what to do with him.

I think it's unfair to look at this as a BOY issue. Some KIDS are ready earlier and some aren't. I have a 5 year old boy too, and in some states he would have been eligible for K this year. He would have been socially and intellectually ready. In fact, that is part of the reason we went with a private Montessori school. By the time he would have been eligible for K, he would have been absolutely bored out of his mind with the curriculum in public school. We'll stick with the same school for DS2, so I also trust that along with his teachers, we'll come to the right decision for him.

As the mother of two boys, I've heard since they were born that they would be slower than girls to do just about everything--talk, use the potty, read . . . I never believed it--and it has never turned out to be true. I am surprised that so many people just seem to naturally accept this.

Ditto that too. I wonder sometimes if people make this true. My boys have never been behind their girl counterparts. Never. I never believed that they would be. They are people all their own. Wonderful people.

[Ahappymel]

I did not hold back my oldest. He turned 5 during the first week of Kindergarten.
He is 8 now and has done well all the way until now.
But I do believe it depends on the individual child's nature.
My oldest is more of a passive observer who has always been able to sit for an activity with a great attention span.

Now my youngest...I will consider holding him back. He is an outgoing, adventurous child who has a very difficult time sitting still and easily jumps from one activity to the next.

[crl]

Originally Posted by eepster

I feel a lot of this kind of growth occurs because the child goes to school. DS started school at 2 1/2 (not K but preschool,) and blossomed in this way. I really don't feel it had much to do with age and maturing, but was do to being in school with his peers.

I'm sure this is true for some children. My child was in school when I made the decision (and has been continually since 2.5), so that was not a factor for him.

Catherine

[columbusmomma]

Originally Posted by eepster

I feel a lot of this kind of growth occurs because the child goes to school. DS started school at 2 1/2 (not K but preschool,) and blossomed in this way. I really don't feel it had much to do with age and maturing, but was do to being in school with his peers.

Well put and so true

[straighthaircurly]

Thought I would update on our experience for anyone making a decision for the next year. DS has a mid-August birthday (Sept.1 cutoff for K). Summary of DS in the year leading up to K: Diagnosed with sensory processing disorder (moderate), struggled with social skills in both years of preschool, very bright but also a bit of a perfectionist, generally outgoing, extremely physical and active, persistent personality who likes making the rules rather than following the rules.

Everyone was telling me that we should wait and have him start K after he had turned 6. Their reason: He is a boy. That just didn't sit right with me so I did a lot of research. I found a link on MDC to a great article that compiled the researcch on the issue. Hopefully somebody has posted that for you because I switched computers this summer and don't know how to find that link easily now). But basically it said that the research actually supports starting kids on time for K unless there are really compelling individual reasons not to do so. Kids catch up socially and academically to their older peers by 3rd grade and perform just as well after that point.

With that in mind here is the plan we followed:
1) Since registration was so early, we registered for both K and prreschool so that we could make a final decision over the summer rather than the winter before.

2) Since he had never been in an all day school setting, we signed him up for 2 weeks of all day summer school (this was actually my son's idea...he said he wanted to practice being gone all day). This really helped us figure out routines for sleep and prepping in the morning before we had the pressure of an entire year in front of us.

3) We chose a year round schedule for him with looping (where the teacher stays with the same group of students for 2 years). The year round schedule is great for kids with sensory issues because there is not a long summer break where they forget the routines of the school day.

4) I volunteered at the school one day every week, generally in the classroom. This gave me a strong connection with the teacher so we were able to strategize immediately about any struggles my son was having (behavior or academics). I also was able to better understand his daily routines and the teaacher's classroom expectations which made it easier to discuss these with him. I also met all his friends/classmates so that it was easier for me to understand any social issues he was having.

The year had its bumps and lumps and he had days when he didn't want to go, but we kept a positive attitude and supported him in every way reasonable. And it has paid off. He is thriving as a 1st grader this year. He loves getting on the bus every morning. He is in the top group in math, middle level for reading and writing. And best of all, he has become a leader when it comes to helping new students adjust and in helping kids who are having a hard time understanding the lessons. The teacher has him "tutoring" somee of the kids because he has such a nice way of explaining and helping.

In short, I CAN NOT imagine him as a Kindergartener this year...he is simply too mature and too advanced in his academics. If we had waited he would be bored and acting out this year (as he always does when he is bored).

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by straighthaircurly

... I found a link on MDC to a great article that compiled the researcch on the issue. Hopefully somebody has posted that for you because I switched computers this summer and don't know how to find that link easily now)...

Is this is: Opportunity Deferred or Opportunity Taken?

[karne]

Interesting to see this thread, as i posted almost a year ago. We DID make the decsision to hold our ds back, and I now have some perspective. I believe we made the right decision when I see ds being older, a bit more ready to engage in the tasks his teacher has for him, etc. He struggled a fair amount w/settling down last year, and I'm glad this happened in the kindy year, and not first grade. He just seems ready for the academic tasks in a way that many of his peers aren't. I think he feels more confident, not being the youngest in the class. Unstructured playgoround time, etc. allows him to play with kids from many grades, so that works OK as well.

I know that if I had made a different decison I probably wouldn't be regretting that decison either=ds is just that type of kid. He would have been very young for his class, but it might have evened out eventually. But the decision to come down on the side of being older versus younger definitely has won the day.

[Ceinwen]

I'm holding my dd back (she's two tomorrow) since she's a late December baby.

My older dd (who will be seven next month) is the oldest in her class, and while it definitely varies on the individual child, she is far ahead of her classmates in terms of emotional maturity and ability to grasp concepts, etc. The year prior to her starting JK (so when she was 3.5) she still had a mid-afternoon nap for close to two hours, snacked frequently during the day, etc.

So, for us, it's a no brainer. Both my girls will be among the oldest (if not THE oldest) in the class and so far it's been a real win-win.

ETA - Here in Ontario, the cut off is age four by December 31st to start JK.

[columbusmomma]

Originally Posted by eepster

I feel a lot of this kind of growth occurs because the child goes to school. DS started school at 2 1/2 (not K but preschool,) and blossomed in this way. I really don't feel it had much to do with age and maturing, but was do to being in school with his peers.

This is exactly why DD will start preschool next year.

[BetsyS]

My son's birthday is 9/1, which is cut-off here. The decision is completely up to us to let him go to school at almost 5 or wait until almost 6 (we start early August).

My brother, however, has strong opinions about waiting. His birthday is Sept. 13, and so he was always one of the oldest in the class, which he sees as a huge benefit.

I was leaning towards holding him back, but having my brother's adult opinion swayed me, as well.

We won't send him to school until he's almost 6.

[journeymom]

Wow, this thread is old. I'm going to comment anyway.

I'd never heard the term 'red shirt' prior to a couple of months ago, here at MDC. It might be a common term but it isn't accurate. It doesn't at all describe the Original Poster's situation. It's a negative term. Just had to get that off my chest.

Anyway. My son turned 5 in June before Kindergarten (he's 10 y.o.). I thought about holding him back, chose not to. He's struggled a bit now and again, certainly isn't as mature as some of the kids. But basically we just help where we can. For the past couple of years he's been taller than most of the rest of the kids, so for that reason, at least, I'm glad I didn't hold him back. He'd have been a head taller than the rest of the kids.

==============

So this is Winter45's fault! Who posted only the one time.

Now I've read the rest of the posts, I'll just add that red shirting just isn't an issue at my kids' school, and that's why I'd never heard of it.

Ds academically ahead of the rest of his class mates, so again, I'm really glad I didn't hold him back. He'd have been miserable.

[peaceful_mama]

My son is a fall birthday and missed the cutoff to go this year.

Reasons I wish he would have gone: He *really* wanted to go. He is able to read and write, which is more than most kids here. (I'm talking actually doing both, not just his name or a few words)
I am afraid he will be bored academically next year as he is on-par or above in some aspects, what they are doing now.

Reasons I am glad he did not go: He procrastinates badly on "seat work" or doesn't listen to all the directions. While his teachers are helping him to 'do it right' before he gets to go play, I know the consequences in Pre-K are not as tough as K. ("Work time"--the 'free play' that follows the small-group table work, is nearly an hour long. It probably takes him at the very outside 10 minutes, if he's done NOTHING to finish what he was supposed to do. So yes, he is at the table seeing the other kids play while he has to finish his work. This probably makes him a little mad. BUT, if he were in K, he'd miss the entire recess to stay in and do this work. Because it's preschool, he still gets to go play for the other 30 minutes.) I am glad he has this extra year of Pre-K to learn to do what the teacher says, when the teacher says it, without dinking around...while the consequences are not quite so dramatic for him.

He's also an active kid, and well, like I said, you don't do your work in K, you miss your entire recess. That would cause more problems for him. also his preschool has a lot more activity in their day than K--they have gym *and* an outdoor recess every day that the weather allows it, in their half-day of school. Plus a large-group usually motor activity.

Overall, I think it's better for him that he has another year to mature socially and to learn how to get things done in the time allowed so he doesn't have to miss other stuff. They can accomodate his higher academic abilities if they need to, it's not so easy to accomodate the "other stuff."

[chiromamma]

My youngest has his birthday in summer so he was a young 5 starting Kindergarten. He went to a play based kindy and did not do k-Care so he came home at noon. It was great for him.
The book, Boys Adrift goes into great detail about how important play based kindy is for boys and how academic kindies are the start of a downward spiral for many boys in school.