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Did you hold your boy back from Kindergarten for a year? - Page 3

post #41 of 124
My older son turned 5 a month into Kindergarten and was the second youngest in his class. He excelled, and three years later continues to excel.
He had done pre-K and was a very social, outgoing boy who loved being in the classroom.
I strongly suggest going not by your child's age, but by their disposition and maturity. It would have been a big mistake to have held my son back for no other reason than his age. He has no "issues" at all with the other kids, no troubles that most of them are half a year or more older than he is. It's just not a big deal at all.
Try not to worry!
post #42 of 124
I wish we could get more parents with older kids to weigh in on this. I'm curious about the longer term...middle school, high school, college.
post #43 of 124
We held back my dd, she was supposed to start at 3, she's an August babe too, (here in France many kids start at 2.5 or 3) I held dd back till 4, she sailed in with a breeze and we haven't looked back since, ds wanted to go at 3 so we signed him up and if it didn't work out I would have just jumped a year, but he does love it and he goes 4 times a week for 3 hours in the morning. I think it depends on the child and not the sex of the child.

I just read the last post and although dd is only 6.5 she is winging it through school and has wonderful reports from her teacher and with the after school folk who help her with her homework, she is bilingual and manages absolutely fine, my sister delayed both her eldest boys back and is in the process for the 3rd as well, it's working really well and the boys certainly do not struggle at school, although it does make them the eldest in the class but they certainly do achieve and succeed at everything they do it seems - the eldest is 10, then 7 and just 4 - hope that this has helped abit.
post #44 of 124
I just wanted to add, that personally, my parents sent me to school a year early - it was hell from the get-go, and I hated it, I struggled emotionally, physically and intellectually, I wished that I wasn't the youngest in my whole year by 4 months, my friends were in the year below me and the only thing that I excelled at was music and art - I think I resent the fact that I was sent to school too early and that I struggled so much, I also feel that I haven't achieved as much as I would have liked to in my life due to a lack of self esteem (which I am only now getting to grips with), don't get me wrong I've not done bad but I think that my choices would have been different if I had been given that extra year and been in the middle of the year rather than so much at the younger end of the year.
post #45 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by pbjmama View Post
I wish we could get more parents with older kids to weigh in on this. I'm curious about the longer term...middle school, high school, college.
Well, I can say, I have a late Nov birthday and started school at 4. I did just fine and can't imgaine if my parents held me back a yr. I personally don't really understand holding back a child that will already be five at the start of the yr. It seems like that just makes for a very wide range of ages in kindy. Of course I come for a state with a dec 31 cut off.....
post #46 of 124
My husband and I both started KG at four. His birthday is in late December so he was just days before the cut-off. This worked out fine for both of us. Both of us were reading before we started. We went on to prestigious schools. Both of us are kind of nerdy and he suffered more for that than I did - but I think boy nerds have a harder time of it than girl nerds. My brother also started KG at 4 (Nov b-day) and he was eventually held back. He is angry about that, though it was the right decision. He spent his senior year (the extra year that he was home: 17-18) hanging out with his friends and hiding in the basement so he didn't have to spend much time with our parents. He also went to a prestigious school. All of us are happily married now with families of our own.

I just think so much of this is doing the best you can with the info you have at the time about your school and your child. My niece started KG when she was just barely old enough in a hoity toity school district. She had a horrible teacher and it was awful. They pulled her mid-year and re-did KG elsewhere and it's going great. My son started KG on time (so he is one of the youngest) and it's going fine.

I guess I just have a hard time believing that there is much of a make-or-break aspect to this decision. Do what you can with the info you have at the time. If something goes awry, it's pretty correctable.
post #47 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbsam View Post
I am responding in this thread even though it is my daughter who may not be ready for kindergarten. I have b/g twins born late June with an August 1st cutoff. I have been struggling with this decision. I was the youngest in my class but never had a problem – back then the cutoff was Dec 31st. Now it does seem to be common in our area to hold back boys born near the cutoff - I've been told it is due to emotional immaturity although I know of some parents who feel there is an added benefit for athletics.

I don’t want to hold back my son because he seems so ready but I don’t want the two of them in separate grades. The point pp's made about a child being ready now but the age difference becoming an issue in future years is a good point.
We sent our late spring bday b/g twins on time. My ds has spd and might have benefited from an additional year but his sister was more than ready. It seemed like a really bad idea to separate them by grade in terms of self-esteem and the very normal comparisons they do with each other. Our solution was to keep them in a private school (montessori) that met their individual needs They are in third grade and we are very happy with our decision. It doesn't hurt that even though he might be one of the youngest in his grade he is the tallest.

In any case, at the time grade separating them seemed like it had the potential of causing more problems than the readiness.

Good luck!
post #48 of 124

Male or Female

Quote:
Originally Posted by meetoo View Post
Well, I can say, I have a late Nov birthday and started school at 4. I did just fine and can't imgaine if my parents held me back a yr. I personally don't really understand holding back a child that will already be five at the start of the yr. It seems like that just makes for a very wide range of ages in kindy. Of course I come for a state with a dec 31 cut off.....
It's different for boys though. The research is very mixed for girls with regard to whether it's socially beneficial to be older... there are tradeoffs. It's much more clear cut with boys. The boys who hit puberty first have a social advantage. Also, boys and girls follow a different developmental curve. There is a big difference in the brain of a four year old boy and the brain of a four year old girl.
post #49 of 124
Our DS was "red-shirted". It was not our choice, the school district refused without exception to allow him to attend kindergarten last year. He was born 35 hours after the state cutoff - less than 2 days. He was ready, he was soooo ready. He attended a school district preschool, and his teacher there even advocated for him to attend kindy lasy year. Academically he's at a 2nd grade + level, and socially he's well beyond his peers. He's taken on the role of "class helper" because on a maturity level he's just not at their level any longer. He comes home generally miserable every day because he's bored to tears and feels he spends the day with little kids. We're getting ready to fight (and probably lose) to have him skipped to 2nd next year, which is where he should be. We haven't told our family yet - my mom, stepmom and aunt are all in education and fully believe the one size fits all labelling of boys being too immature for kindy at 5. They even tried the arguement that as the youngest he'd be the smallest in sports. Um, I'm 5'0", DH is 5'6" - he'll never be the star basketball player no matter how old he is!

Being held back a year for him has been a nightmare. Keep in mind that until he was about 4 or so I was convinced by the "boys mature later" theory and ready to hold him back until this year. I finally learned that it doesn't matter on gender, age, etc., some children are just ready sooner than others. My 4.5 yr old DD is much less mature than DS was at this age, but even with a June birthday many people would be shocked if we considered keeping her out another year!

K.
post #50 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by meetoo View Post
Well, I can say, I have a late Nov birthday and started school at 4. I did just fine and can't imgaine if my parents held me back a yr. I personally don't really understand holding back a child that will already be five at the start of the yr. It seems like that just makes for a very wide range of ages in kindy. Of course I come for a state with a dec 31 cut off.....
Yes, but K curriculum, expectations and classroom norms have changed completely since you went to school (unless you're 15 or something). Judging from what adults experienced as children is not the same and school children now. K is very, very different from when I was a child.
post #51 of 124
I have decided for many reasons that my DS will start K this year, even though he'll be nearly the youngest in his class.

I have been advised that if need be, he could just repeat K next year, but I'm wary of that b/c then I see serious potential for him being made fun of?
post #52 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom View Post
Yes, but K curriculum, expectations and classroom norms have changed completely since you went to school (unless you're 15 or something). Judging from what adults experienced as children is not the same and school children now. K is very, very different from when I was a child.
This is so far from the truth in our area. Our school's kindy teachers tried to tell us that as well, and from what I've researched it's true for children who went to kindergarten in the late 80's and 90's, but when I was in kindy back, you know, when dirt was still a new concept (1974 I believe) it was at least as challenging as it is now. We accomplished the same goals stated for DS's kindy class and only attended 1/2 days. Now, they spend all day teaching, have eliminated all but one recess, cut the time of lunch and eliminated nap time to teach the same quantity of information. (Thinking I may just be mis-remembering, I spoke with teachers who had been at my old elementary school to see if I was off base here. They confirmed that it was the same.)

K.
post #53 of 124
I have not read all the responses but here is why we decided to homeschool our 5yo (late July birthday) and then send him to Kinder as a 6yo. Just FYI both DH and I have Ph.Ds so education and educational success are very important to us which is why we may end up homeschooling long term

1) My DH was born in late August and went to Kinder "on time" - he hated it, was very intelligent but did not have the manual dexterity to keep up and became frustrated. It took him until University to regain his love of education.

2) My aunt has been a kindergarten teacher for 36 years. In the last few years her school has been letting younger kids in and now she is thinking of quitting. She has never had such problem, disruptive classes. She claims to be able to tell the "summer" b-day boys within the first hour and feels bad for them because they manually lag behind. She begged us not to send DS#1 to kinder.

3) DS#1 is very intelligent and curious but he is a big picture guy. It drives him insane to sit around and do the same thing over and over again. He wants to know the whole story, etc. so I am not sure how well he will adapt to a formal classroom setting.

Just adding a perspective.
post #54 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunshineJ View Post
This is so far from the truth in our area. Our school's kindy teachers tried to tell us that as well, and from what I've researched it's true for children who went to kindergarten in the late 80's and 90's, but when I was in kindy back, you know, when dirt was still a new concept (1974 I believe) it was at least as challenging as it is now.
May depend on where you are and what you are comparing it to. K when I was a child (late 60s) was 1/2 day and included time for blocks, dress up, morning nap and story time. The expectation was that by the end of the year you should be able to write your name and recognize letters and numbers. There was no expectation of prior school experience.

K here now (roughly the same community) is full day and the K readiness test (i.e. what they want before you start) includes writing name, recognizing and writing letters, numbers and knowing their sounds, and experience with organized classroom dynamics (e.g. raising hand, standing in line, following directions, easily separating from parents). By the end of the year K kids are expected to read, write a complete sentence including punctuation and spelling four letter words, addition and subtraction. They are expected to stay on-task for 45 minute lessons and write a book report. All so not things that I was expected to do in K!

I know that our school district has a good few pages on K readiness on their website.
post #55 of 124
I haven't read the other post yet, but I wanted to reply.

My ds' birthday is in Oct. and he met the cut off to start school. Dh and I did not want him to start. We knew he was not ready. But the K teacher and his speech teacher both told us he should start. So we listened to the experts and started him. It was the worst mistake I have ever made. Just like you said, he was labled the silly kid would couldn't so anything right. The lable stuck and caused him lots of problems. We finally changed schools and when we changed we put him back a year into the grade dh and I always felt he should be in. It is much better now. I would say if you hae any doubt about him starting school wait a year, it can't hurt and it may help.
post #56 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by ewe+lamb View Post
I think it depends on the child and not the sex of the child.

I am really horrified that more people aren't chiming in with this.
I keep checking this thread, expecting someone to say something along the lines of, "My child isn't just walking, talking genitalia, s/he has a personality, emotional range, thoughts, feelings of his/her own and wasn't mass-produced from a template at the Gender Stereotype factory." But, nope.
Wow, guys! Just wow.
post #57 of 124
My summer boy went to K on schedule (NOT held back.)
post #58 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom View Post
May depend on where you are and what you are comparing it to. K when I was a child (late 60s) was 1/2 day and included time for blocks, dress up, morning nap and story time. The expectation was that by the end of the year you should be able to write your name and recognize letters and numbers. There was no expectation of prior school experience.

K here now (roughly the same community) is full day and the K readiness test (i.e. what they want before you start) includes writing name, recognizing and writing letters, numbers and knowing their sounds, and experience with organized classroom dynamics (e.g. raising hand, standing in line, following directions, easily separating from parents). By the end of the year K kids are expected to read, write a complete sentence including punctuation and spelling four letter words, addition and subtraction. They are expected to stay on-task for 45 minute lessons and write a book report. All so not things that I was expected to do in K!

I know that our school district has a good few pages on K readiness on their website.
If THAT were what our kindergarten was like here I'd be doing somersaults of joy! The expectation here is that a child can count to 10 and know how to write their name prior to the start of kindy. That's it. The end of year goals here are that he know how to count to 100, recognize numbers to 31 (I'm not sure why "31" is the magic number!), sort objects by size, repeat a sequence, understand "above", "below", "Front" and "behind", know his alphabet and the sounds that go with it, learn to write letters, and be able to do some very basic addition and hopefully sight read a few words. The rest of the goals are essentially behavioural - sit in their seats, work quietly, etc. We definitely had that covered in my elementary school so many years ago!
post #59 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by rumsmyname View Post
We sent our late spring bday b/g twins on time. My ds has spd and might have benefited from an additional year but his sister was more than ready. It seemed like a really bad idea to separate them by grade in terms of self-esteem and the very normal comparisons they do with each other. Our solution was to keep them in a private school (montessori) that met their individual needs They are in third grade and we are very happy with our decision. It doesn't hurt that even though he might be one of the youngest in his grade he is the tallest.

In any case, at the time grade separating them seemed like it had the potential of causing more problems than the readiness.

Good luck!
Thank you. I know this is more of a twin issue than a kindy issue, but I definitely do not want to put them in separate grades. I am trying to decide whether to send them both now, possibly to a Montessori school, with the option of resending them to KG at a charter school the next year if needed. Or holding them back - which w/b a shame for my son and possibly my daughter because she may do fine. I was originally intending on home schooling KG and keeping my option open to enroll in KG or 1st grade the following year. So many decisions!! My dd may have AS which makes the choice even more difficult.
Sorry for getting a little OT.
post #60 of 124
I held my son back. For us it was the right decision. The difference between the older and younger boys in Kd were pretty dramatic. As some other posters mentioned, it's not like it use to be with play time etc. We live in a rural area and K is a full day without much play time. There is way too much "work" and pressure on the kids, regardless of their age. Even being an "older" child, he would come home exhausted and usually really cranky. I can't imagine what it would have been like had i sent him "on time".

I have issues with with public school in general (that's a whole other topic); we were planning to homeschool but my ds was really insistent on riding the bus and going to school so that's where he is and he loves it. He's in 2nd grade now, loves school and is very confident. Of course partially that's his personality but I also attribute it to him being older.
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