Teaching social skills

[boys2mom]

Hi -
Does anyone know a book or have any advice on teaching a tween social skills: reading social cues, appropriate vs. innappropriate comments, how to make conversation?
Thanks -

[karne]

I am not sure if you have a son or dtr.? For my dd we have some of the American Girl books, one of which focuses on friendships. It covers how to start conversations, displaying interest in what others are saying, ideas for handling conflict, jealousy, etc. Not sure if there is a boys version out there.

[Bay Momma]

Our 12 yo son just goes with us wherever we go. He watches and emulates what we do. I believe example is the best teacher. Ever since he was tiny in the sling, he'd go everywhere with me....church, biz meetings, speeches, grocery, etc.....He sees and learns by our actions. Today, he is polite, confident, and a little environmental milatant! While we're still working on "how" to say things, we're very proud.

[boys2mom]

Thanks for your replies. It is my son, Karne, so American Girl won't work for him :-). I wish there were similar books for boys, but boys don't seem to be as big a market in the book store.

And I think we do emulate positive behavior. When we wait at the bus stop, I chat with the other moms, but he just stands there not talking to his friends. Maybe it just takes him longer to loosen up. He's a very introspective child, and I think he doesn't focus on what I'm doing or saying enough to learn from us. And I think he's viewing things on line (south park) that we don't allow on tv, and not able to draw the line between what's funny on tv and what works in real life. We talk about it, but I sometimes think his reading skills exceed his listening skills, which is why I was hoping for a book.

[pbjmama]

Not sure about your school situation but you could ask a teacher/school counselor for suggestions too.

[jillmamma]

Would helping him create a script of sorts and practicing it help? Like take the situation when waiting for the bus, and rehearse what he might say to a kid and have you pretend to be one of the kids and show him how someone might react to what he says? My DS is only 6, but is on the autism spectrum and does not quite always get how to approach people and talk about things that they are interested in either, so I try this with him and it helps some.

[chiromamma]

How does your son feel about it? If he's happy being more inward, I'd say leave it alone. He'll find other kids to relate to.
If he's unhappy and wanting these skills, I don't think they can be taught. DD's social cues have never been the sharpest, despite all the American Girls books I bought her. But they have evolved over time. Her friends at school have also come to appreciate her quirks and she has a wonderful circle of friends.
She's gone through times of feeling alone but when I tried to push or teach her how to be social, she accused me of trying to change her and make her a mini-me.

[SRHS]

I have a 12 y/o boy too, he also needs (IMO) work on social cues. Some of the things he busts out with leave me agape!! All the lecturing from me and DH don' seem to work, so I think some of these things they h ave to learn on their own. However, I did get Chicken Soup for the Kid's soul at a used bookstore...not sure how much he's read, and if so, how much he internalized.