A little convo with co-workers re CLW

[CEVmommy]

I had to take some papers to a co-worker's office, and another co-worker was in there already. These are women I work with regularly, maybe a few times a month, but not daily. They work with each other on a daily basis though and seem pretty close. Here's an idea of how our convo went. We started off talking about the octuplet birth and how she wants to BF them.

L: That's impossible. I had twins and there was no way I could get enough milk even for two!
Me: Even if she nurses the 8 part time that would be amazing. I know that some people can nurse two or even more. "A" over in XXX dept nursed her twins. In fact, she is still nursing them and they just turned two!
L: Really? (curious)
B: Really? (disgusted) Two years! That's too old! I can guarantee you she's getting bit!
Me: (trying to sound cheerful and upbeat) Oh, not really. You know, my daughter is 2.5 and she still nurses sometimes. I don't get bit. It's fine!
L: Really? (curious) You mean you didn't wean her yet?
B: Well you're going to have to soon because you'll have another baby before too long.
Me: Nah, it's okay. (still sounding cheerful) Two babies, two boobs! Works out just fine. haha (trying to stay upbeat) Besides, she barely nurses very much anymore as it is, only about once a week give or take nowadays.
L: Really? (curious)
B: But if you don't wean her, she'll nurse forever!
Me: I don't think forever! haha I don't plan to take it away from her, I'll let her wean on her own when she's ready to stop. I'm confident that she will stop eventually and won't nurse forever!
B: I heard a story about a kid who was still nursing and she was 9!
Me: Oh, that's pretty unusual. Most kids I know who do child led weaning wean before they are 5. DD nurses so infrequently now that I think she'll probably be done in a few months when she's 3.
B: So you are going to wean her when she's 3 then?
L: Haven't you been listening? She's not going to wean her, she's going to let her stop on her own!
B: Well, I guess maybe it cuts down on the oral fixations like my kids had. I couldn't get them to give up their pacifiers, and then they started biting their nails. Maybe if they had nursed longer, they wouldn't have had the need for that stuff.

I think that overall it went pretty well. I tried really hard not to be too pushy or get defensive. I don't think either of them had ever really given much thought to the idea before. L seemed pretty receptive and generally just curious rather than judgmental, and I think it helped B to become more receptive because her friend was.

[SophieAnn]

That's an awesome conversation! Good for you!

And I bet if they have any questions about it in the future - you'll be the one they come to.

[meganmarie]

Nice job, giving folks a different perspective and spreading a little gentle education.

B: Well, I guess maybe it cuts down on the oral fixations like my kids had. I couldn't get them to give up their pacifiers, and then they started biting their nails. Maybe if they had nursed longer, they wouldn't have had the need for that stuff.

This is a point I've had success bringing up before with moms of toddlers, in response to the idea that we should wean because "toddlers don't *need* your milk, at this point its just comfort, using mom as a pacifier". When I point out that most 2 and 3 year olds are using SOMETHING (a breast, a pacifier, a thumb, a bottle, a blanket, or whatever) for comfort, it makes them realize that maybe the "Need" for comfort is Real, and Universal. Maybe you already weaned from the breast, but instead you are probably stressing over trying to get them to stop some other comfort approach that you view as a "bad habit". So maybe its not a bad habit, maybe its a developmental need and maybe just patience and love will get them through it.