Extremely upset over dh and vaccination - Page 2

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970

I feel bad for him and do not wish to hurt him. But I know my limits, why can't he see his and do what he needs to protect his children? These are just a couple examples of dh going in to his "zone" and not being able to handle things.

My only choices are to be tied down and completely surrender control over myself and my life and my child, or have an unassisted homebirth. I am seriously considering the homebirth.

I would seriously be considering a homebirth in this case. But regardless of home or hospital, I would also consider asking DH to not attend. I know that's not really a popular idea around here, but the last thing you need while in labor is to be worrying about your DH. Find a friend or hire a doula who can be the support you need during labor and ask your DH to stay at home with the kids.

Even if the both of you agree that you want him to be there, I would still find a friend/family member to handle all the details - care for the kids, calling support personnel, etc. And someone to be the support you need during labor, so there are no demands on your DH aside from attendance.

If you are intending to go into the hospital, labor at home until you're ready to push. If you present at the hospital pushing, you limit the interventions they can possibly push on you, and chances are you'll still be aware enough to prevent them from whisking off your baby.

[Ola_]

Originally Posted by cristeen

I would seriously be considering a homebirth in this case. But regardless of home or hospital, I would also consider asking DH to not attend. I know that's not really a popular idea around here, but the last thing you need while in labor is to be worrying about your DH. Find a friend or hire a doula who can be the support you need during labor and ask your DH to stay at home with the kids.

I have to say after reading your last post I would agree. It sounds like it is not just a problem with medical personnel but a much larger anxiety issue that he is dealing with. It sounds like it may be easier for you AND for him if he weren't there.

[MamaMonica]

Moved to Vaccinations.

[plunky]

I don't understand men like this. Every guy I know went into a huge "protect wife and baby" mode during childbirth. Get another guy in his life to give your DH a reality check.

Alternatively, maybe he's intimidated by your conviction on this subject and doesn't truly agree with you. You could try talking to him from a more accepting standpoint, and see if you can reach some kind of compromise. I doubt he sees getting a vaccine that his doctor suggested as such a terrible thing.

[nycmom18]

i have not read all of the above posts. but why does your baby have to go to the nursery? all you have to do is tell the staff that you would like your baby with you at all times.

nursing is essential within the first couple of hours, you probably already know that, but that was very important to me.

i do not know the law of your hospital, but if you insist that your baby stays with you and the staff has a problem with it, just ask them if its against the law and have them show you proof. maybe even do this ahead of time prior to birth so it wont be a headache.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by philomom

That's ridiculous. All she needs is a baby guard.

Why is homebirth ridiculous? When you birth at home it is not an issue. Even with a "baby guard" there is still a risk. At least two people here have had their dh knock needles out of the hands of nurses a inch or two from the baby's leg.

And if her sister is off "guarding" the baby, who will help her fend off standard interventions and post-partum vaccinations?"

Having to be "on-guard" at the hospital is actually a reason why many homebirthers I know started researching homebirth in the first place.

[Ruthla]

Even if you plan on having a home birth, complications can arise and it's best to plan for every possibility. How does that phrase go.. "Expect the best, but prepare for the worst".

It sounds like you and your DH have some pretty deep-seated issues, and likely your DH has some issues that are all his own- and it sounds like your marriage may benefit from counseling.

What you DO know is that your DH is not reliable in medical situations. Whether you have somebody else there for you instead of him, or have somebody else there in addition to him, it's clear that you need another support person, such as your sister or a doula. Or possibly your sister AND a doula- your sister to go with the baby and the doula to stay with you, in the event that you and the baby are separated.

[Murihiku]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970

The medical situation here is all the worse. The lowest csect rate I can find at any hospital is the one I am supposed to deliver at and it is just over 50%. Most labors are induced, rarely is one not induced. Keeping the baby in the room with you is not an option. You give birth there, they have control of your baby, your life, everything.

What? Where on earth are you?

[alegna]

Originally Posted by Murihiku

What? Where on earth are you?

There are hospitals here that still have a MANDATORY nursery stay for all babies....

-Angela

[Murihiku]

Originally Posted by alegna

There are hospitals here that still have a MANDATORY nursery stay for all babies....

-Angela

Wow. I don't know what to say. I feel terrible for the OP.

[k9sarchik]

I would recommend a homebirth also if you are a low risk pregnancy. You would feel way more comfortable knowing that your midwife is coming to you and you don't have to go to a hospital situation that you can't trust.

I just read one of your other posts. Sounds like you really can't rely on your husband. Talk to a midwife anywhere about your situation and get a feel for if you are able to do a vbac.

Have someone other than your husband with you, like a grandma or other family member. And definitely hire a doula even if you end up with another c-section.

Good luck, I hope that your DH grows some balls soon.

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by k9sarchik

Good luck, I hope that your DH grows some balls soon.

Wow. That is a really rude statement. Many people have a legitimate fear or needles/Dr's/all things medical, it certainly does not make them any less of a person nor does it make them deserving of being called names.