Originally Posted by Katie34
wow, you bring up an interesting point that I hadn't really considered in that way. but I wanted to clarify to make sure I understood it:
you had lingering doubts aobut an anonymous donor, but couldn't find the right KD so then you found an anonymous that you are happy with and then the lingering doubts went away when you settled on one? Is that right? Or you found a KD?
Ok - Originally, my ex and I had agreed on anonymous sperm, after seeing friends of ours who were trying to use a covert KD - I.e. they knew who the KD was, but they were trying to make sure nobody else would ever know, and we found it odd. They switched to anonymous after a few cycles.
When I started TTC on my own, I really wanted to find a KD. I had a long-standing understanding with an old friend, but when push came to shove, he couldn't do it. Not then, not the way I wanted. He wanted to coparent, and I would love that, but he wanted to coparent ten years from now, maybe fifteen. So, I talked to every guy I knew who I thought was at all suitable, and came up with nada.
I wasn't ready to abandon the KD search, but I was ready to conceive, so I settled on an anonymous donor from my small, local sperm bank in Canada. This compromise allowed me to address one of my biggest concerns, the fact that my child would have 40+ donor half siblings across the US and Canada, because this bank doesn't do such big numbers, and all their donors are local, as well as many of the recipients. So, I did a few cycles with a donor I was happy with.
Looking back, I realize that the whole time I was hoping to still find a KD. I only ever bought one cycle worth of sperm at a time, I kept my eyes and ears to the ground in case a KD should appear.
Once I moved to the US, not pregnant, no baby, and was ready to conceive again, I again looked for a KD. My Canadian sperm bank is no longer available to me. The practices of the US banks are not something I want to get involved with, for the most part, so as long as I'm living in the US, a KD is absolutely the right choice.
Though, ultimately, I'm losing KD in July, likely, and it's possible that if I go through with IUIs or IVF or something that he will no longer be willing, and it's possible that his swimmers are duds. If any of these things happen, I'll look for a new KD, but if that doesn't happen, I will grudgingly return to ordering spermcicles.
For me, a KD is the preferred option, but I just want to have a baby, and if it means anonymous, well that's just the way it is.