How do I chose the best donor from a sperm bank? - Page 2

[Snapdragon]

Next Question please:

How important do you think personality traits in a donor are? I will explain. As many have probably experiemced, picking a donor is a strange experiience that comes with compromising at least somewhere.

So- as I researched I discovered that health histories felt really important to me. So that eliminated some more options. I found one donor who has a pretty good ( as good as any of the other "good" ones) health history, is said to be reasonably attractive by the lady at the sperm bank- but has no baby hpoto so is hard to tell. Has the height, body type, and even the color of eyes I would like to get. So I felt pretty clear last night that I would choose him. Oh, he also has a high sperm count.
But looking back over his profile today- from the limited amount I can tell, he describes himself as quite the extrovert in many ways. Assertive, outgoing, athletic, etcetera. Which are all fine qualities- except me and dh are very much more quiet stay at home read a lot tending towards introvert ( though not extreme).
So I know I have to compromise some things in finding a donor.

what do you all think of this issue? Especially maybe anyone who already has their baby from a donor. I think it may be a small thing. But, I am trying to decide if I should look for someone with a quieter more introverted personality or go with this guy.

I almost feel ridiculous asking this- because part of me thinks it will so matter first of all my genetic 1/2 in the baby, plus how she or he is raised. But I am just still wondering about this. Any opinons on this issue?

[lexbeach]

That's interesting that you feel less inclined to choose a more "outgoing" donor. I was painfully shy as a child, and I think I had the opposite experience when picking someone; I wanted to pick a more extroverted, easily social donor (which, granted, IS more like my wife and more like my grown-up self). It pleases me to no end to hear from my kids' teachers how talkative and participative the kids are in school because for me, it was always a difficult thing to be so shy and introverted. So, I'm just surprised that you would hope for a more introverted child being an introverted person yourself, but I guess I'm just projecting my own childhood experience onto you, and yours was likely quite different.

All that said, I don't know how "genetic" personality is. All three of our kids have such different personalities. And I certainly don't feel that I can claim any of them as having come from ME. I do see myself in them sometimes, but I also see my wife in them. We are in touch with several other families who used our donor, and many of the kids do have similar personality traits (some are highly sensitive, as are a couple of our kids, and some are incredibly social/out-going like one of our kids is) but it's so hard to know if that's due to their shared genes or if it's just that they're all about the same age, and it's typical of ALL kids that age to act a certain way. Our kids' donor is a musician, and sometimes I think we feel tempted to give him credit for their love of music, or their singing ability, or whatever . . . and then I realize that the vast majority of young children love music and singing, and I don't know that we can really say if the genes have that much of an impact.

HTH!

Lex

[Snapdragon]

Hi Lex,

Thanks for the response. I guess I am not actually introverted- I think I misused that in my other post. Just not a go out all the time and be extremely social kind of person. But I am social sometimes.

Anyway- I hope once we meet our baby all my concerns about this stuff will fade. I guess I am somewhere between being excited to inseminate and possibly conceive and then have a baby soon, versus still being sad about not having dh's genes for our kids. I guess this is my first lesson in letting go as a parent- in terms of not expecting the kid to be a certain way, or "perfect" but rather just discovering their authentic self.
It helps me to believe that there are specific souls that are supposed to be our babies, y'know.

Meanwhile- I have a frined of the family who is in a network of people with some possible donors, who is looking around for me for the possibility of a donor. So I guess I am still open to see what presents.