or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › People not watching their kids....
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

People not watching their kids.... - Page 2

post #21 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwyn View Post
I was born in 1981, and I remember doing the hiding-in-the-racks things by the time I was, oh, 5. So that was maybe 20 years ago. But it's not like my parents didn't have some idea where I was, and vice versa; we pretty much always were within the same department, knew what to do if we got separated, knew our parents' names, etc. Nor was I an unholy terror pulling things down (though some kids are just like that, both then and now, usually through no fault of their parents'). But they'd be Bad Parents if they did that today.

It's a fascinating phenomenon.
Very interesting.
I think there are way too many judgemental parents on all points of the spectrum.
If parents are too permissive, other parents have a problem with that. Some are very strict, and other parents are horrified by that.
I was born in the very early 70's and we did LOTS of things unattended as kids. We used to ride miles on our bikes to spend our allowance on Saturday afternoons at the quikie mart. It was no where NEAR my mom's eyesight or range of hearing. I was a good 5 minutes away by car, winding through the neighborhood. I did this as young as 10 and 11 yrs old.
Today, some busybody would call the police because there were unattended kids bicycling!! Oh, the horror!

I agree that it's pretty horrible that that mom didn't come for her kid quickly, and seemed to be very nonchalant about it. Sad.
But overall, I'm really sick of the freak-outs who constantly butt their noses in, in inappropriate ways.
When we first moved to our new house, in town, with lots of nosy but not friendly neighbors, they called THE POLICE because my daughters were riding their bikes ON THE SIDEWALK TWO HOUSES DOWN from our house! I was THERE, watching them, but the people who called didn't bother to walk out of their house and see me, watching my kids playing and getting to know their new neighborhood.
What jerks. It would have been a simple matter to look outside and wave and ensure the kids were being watched.
But instead, the couch potatoes called 911 because little kids were playing "unattended".
Ridiculous!
A total waste of taxpayer money and time.
Not heros, not responsible people... just LAZY busybodies!
The first thing I'd do if there was a kid walking around outside MY house "unattended" is walk outside and look up and down the sidewalk to see where the parent was. I've done it before and I'll always do what I can to help out another parent... not frantically freak out and call the police because little johnny got away from mom by a house-length.
The expectations of some people today are beyond absurd and completely exclude the idea of neighbors and of people acting decently.... if you see a lost kid, help that kid find it's mom or dad... dont freak out and call the cops, for godsake... can't YOU find their mom or dad with them?
This is what people used to do. I fell off my bike in front of a neighbor's house when I was little and hurt my head. The neighbor was nice and called my mom and she came and got me. The neighbor didn't assume because my mom wasn't trailing behind me with a big safety mat, that she was a bad parent. She assumed, rightly, that I was just a kid, out playing, who got hurt, as kids do. She gave me a tissue for the little cut and waited for my mom. No big deal.
In fact, we couldn't get away with ANYthing in our neighborhood, because people KNEW each other and socialized and had each other over for dinner or BBQ's or block parties. We trick o treated at each others' houses. We traded Avon catalogues and went to each other's tupperware parties. We watched each other's kids and kept an eye on each other's houses when on vacation. We would take in the mail, get the paper, water the lawn or plants. People were NEIGHBORLY, even if at the grocery store or at the mall. NO one was busy passing judgements or tsk tsking... everyone was helpful and nice and would put themselves in that person's shoes.
I know, I'm making it sound like mayberry, USA, but it was a lot nicer knowing that if I needed something, I could get it from a neighbor, whether it was help with a flat bike tire or to use their bathroom, or pick their persimmons off their front tree... people interacted with each other in a neighborhood and knew each other by name at the grocery store.
If I DID get lost in a store I knew to ask the clerk for help and usually mom was just an isle or two away... no drama, just nice, normal people acting normally....

I'm getting older and crotchety, I suppose, but I think if people aren't willing to be helpful, then just shut up. There's no point in berating people... they will simply get defensive and ignore you. If you have helpful advice, present it in a way that parents, especially moms, don't feel beat up with... moms get enough of that from EVERYwhere.. the media, other moms, society in general, their bosses, their kids!, their daycare, their church... often moms never feel like they can measure up.... and then if you lose your kid in the store... now you're a villan....
Maybe we can all lighten up and walk a little more in each other's moccasins. Bad things happen, yes. If you can help prevent it, please, by all means, do. But don't rake a mom over the coals for losing her kid... for all you know she didn't hear the announcement and was frantically searching the back room or outside or whatever, before she realized where her kid was...
Just playing devil's advocate... you just never know where people are coming from....
post #22 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairydoula View Post
Very interesting.
I think there are way too many judgemental parents on all points of the spectrum.
i absolutely agree that parents at all ends of the spectrum are too judgmental. i think it's in everybody to have an "us vs. them" attitude once in a while. it is easy in a place like MDC where most people are like-minded in many core values (values that are generally not the norm in our society) to take the spirit of camaraderie and the sense of validation we feel a step too far into judgement and condemnation of other people.
post #23 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Of course he was - the poor child was lost. I just object to the assumption that the mother lost him, because she was "too preoccupied" to look after him properly. It might be true, but we don't know that.
But we do know she was preoccupied, she was chit chatting on the phone telling someone her son 'got himself lost' and to top it off she wasn't worried at all.

Kids bolt from their parents, it happens. MOST parents get worried and chase after them but, in this case the mother didn't seem to care and was having a conversation on the cell phone. It's when the parent(s) don't seem to care, aren't worried or actively looking for their child(ren).
post #24 of 180
It really makes a huge difference how old the child is and what he's like etc. My son started going off on his own more and more in stores at around age 8. He likes to run and hide and 'spy' like a ninja sometimes. I don't worry if he gets lost because he'll go and ask for the workers to call me on the PA, I go get him and we continue on our way. It's really not a big deal to me or to him aside from a bit of dramatic license he may take.
post #25 of 180
Maybe she "didn't care" because she didn't think it was a big deal. Maybe because it's happened 50 times before. Maybe because her son knew what to do about it. Maybe because she hasn't read all the "kidnappers are in EVERY STORE" books. Maybe because she hates him and didn't want to be a parent at all. We don't know.
post #26 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwyn View Post
Maybe she "didn't care" because she didn't think it was a big deal. Maybe because it's happened 50 times before. Maybe because her son knew what to do about it. Maybe because she hasn't read all the "kidnappers are in EVERY STORE" books. Maybe because she hates him and didn't want to be a parent at all. We don't know.
....or maybe kids run from their parents because they hate their parents?
post #27 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jojo F. View Post
....or maybe kids run from their parents because they hate their parents?
I kinda doubt those same kids would then go and ask for help finding the hated parent within 10 minutes of running from them. :
post #28 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajama View Post
I kinda doubt those same kids would then go and ask for help finding the hated parent within 10 minutes of running form them. :

right, sarcasm kinda gets lost on the net
post #29 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jojo F. View Post
right, sarcasm kinda gets lost on the net
you quoted my typo :
post #30 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajama View Post
you quoted my typo :
ooooo, them's fightin' words

OK, commence the discussion....
post #31 of 180
I would be really concerned that this mother WASNT. thats terrible. my kids have never done this, but I can understand how it might be something that happens even if a parent isnt preoccupied - like if they run off - but she didn't NOTICE? and 15 minutes? and she didnt seem to care? that is terribly sad.
post #32 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super Glue Mommy View Post
I would be really concerned that this mother WASNT. thats terrible. my kids have never done this, but I can understand how it might be something that happens even if a parent isnt preoccupied - like if they run off - but she didn't NOTICE? and 15 minutes? and she didnt seem to care? that is terribly sad.
But it makes such a big difference at least to know how old the kid is! Not to mention all the other info not available to us.

ETA: although, in light of your username, you probably never have this problem. (heehee)
post #33 of 180
I'd be concerned if the child was under the age of 10 at least. my little brother is 10. this poster could have kidnapped this child. that is reason enough to be concerned. if your child is going to a STRANGER for help because they are being lost, they are putting trust in that adult to help them, and the child is then at risk for abduction.

add to the fact even if the kid yelled screaming the store the person could act like its a tantrum... since people usually DO stay out of it. I will have to find the link or maybe someone else has it but this theory was tested with a child screaming "your not my mommy!! you're not my mommy!" and the people just kept walking.

I'm not really sure what missing info could chance my mind about this. maybe not impossible, but going on what I heard I find this concerning. Apparently the lady at the customer service desk found the situation unsafe as well, so it wasn't just the OP.
post #34 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwyn View Post
Maybe she "didn't care" because she didn't think it was a big deal. Maybe because it's happened 50 times before. Maybe because her son knew what to do about it. Maybe because she hasn't read all the "kidnappers are in EVERY STORE" books. Maybe because she hates him and didn't want to be a parent at all. We don't know.


what to do about it? go to a stranger? if he knew what to do they would have a meeting place if they got separated or he would know to go to the front desk or ask staff for help - not a stranger.
post #35 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super Glue Mommy View Post
add to the fact even if the kid yelled screaming the store the person could act like its a tantrum... since people usually DO stay out of it. I will have to find the link or maybe someone else has it but this theory was tested with a child screaming "your not my mommy!! you're not my mommy!" and the people just kept walking
I'll be honest and say that sometimes I don't know if I should get involved or not. I've seen some NASTY tantrums that involve screaming of all sorts. I'm afraid of getting sued or something if I intervene. I've heard of people suing for "defamation of character" over that kind of thing...

Don't get me wrong, if I saw blatant abuse (a beating for example) I'd probably speak up or at least get a manager or something...but a kid being dragged out of a store screaming? I'm unsure...
post #36 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajama View Post
It really makes a huge difference how old the child is and what he's like etc. My son started going off on his own more and more in stores at around age 8. He likes to run and hide and 'spy' like a ninja sometimes. I don't worry if he gets lost because he'll go and ask for the workers to call me on the PA, I go get him and we continue on our way. It's really not a big deal to me or to him aside from a bit of dramatic license he may take.
I'm glad he knows to go to a worker and not a random stranger.
post #37 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post
I'll be honest and say that sometimes I don't know if I should get involved or not. I've seen some NASTY tantrums that involve screaming of all sorts. I'm afraid of getting sued or something if I intervene. I've heard of people suing for "defamation of character" over that kind of thing...

Don't get me wrong, if I saw blatant abuse (a beating for example) I'd probably speak up or at least get a manager or something...but a kid being dragged out of a store screaming? I'm unsure...
I doubt I would say anything either!! sorry if it seemed like that way my point. my point was that most people wouldn't say anything about it, which is why I wouldn't want my child to get lost in the store! and I would totally care if they did!
post #38 of 180
Well, you don't need to be concerned about my parenting And my (now) 9yr old goes off on his own every so often and it really isn't a concern for us. I'm a pretty doting and attentive parent too.
post #39 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by JD5351 View Post
I took off early from work today, and decided to get my grocery shopping done tomorrow, since my day off is tomorrow and I want to be lazy.

I was walking down an aisle, and felt a little tap on my back. I look back, and it's a little boy. He was scared, and said he could not find his mom. I asked what his mom's name was and took him to the customer service desk to have her paged.

I waited with him, (didn't want to leave him alone again. poor guy.) and 10 minutes later : his mom finally shows up, talking on her cell phone..I heard her say something about her son got himself lost...WHAT??He didn't get HIMSELF lost, SHE lost HIM by being too preoccupied to keep track of him.

I don't know how long he was lost, but it took about 2 mins for me to walk him up to the front of the store, about 3 mins before someone came to the counter to help us, and TEN for her to bother with coming to get him. That's 15 mins not counting however long he was wandering before he decided to ask a STRANGER for help.

I started to say something, but the customer service girl beat me to it. She asked her if she ever watches the news. Bad things can happen to kids when their not being protected. The mother said, "Thank you," and left.

I feel sick.

I used to work for a big box retail store. Two little boys, 4 and 6, came up to one morning and said they couldn't find their dad.

I paged every 3-5mins for an HOUR. The boys sat behind my desk and BAWLED for and HOUR.

Then the dad wheeled his cart up (he had everything bagged and had already checked out) and proceeded to yell at them for getting lost.

I asked him if he had left the store to look for them??? (Aka where the heck were you when I was paging you). He said, "Well, when I heard the pages I figured you guys had 'em so I might as well finish shopping."

post #40 of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super Glue Mommy View Post
I doubt I would say anything either!! sorry if it seemed like that way my point. my point was that most people wouldn't say anything about it, which is why I wouldn't want my child to get lost in the store! and I would totally care if they did!
lol Nah, I was just commenting and agreeing with your point.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › People not watching their kids....