Mamas of teenagers

[simplegirl]

I have a 16 year old daughter and I swear she is going to be the death of me! She is moody one minute and giddy the next. She tries to be mouthy but I get grumped at when I correct her. She has already made the choice to be sexually active, only one boy so far. It is a wonder I haven't run in front of a bus yet!

How do you mamas of teenagers keep your sanity? Please share!

[K&JsMaMa]

We have a 14yr old son.....

Teenagers are a whole different song and dance. It's like learning to parent your child all over again.

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

They can all be sooo different though! My oldest was truly a challenge...I spent most of those years crying and praying that he would turn 18 soon and be out of my house! You truly have days that make you wonder if you'll get through it. I still consider myself lucky...he did NOT turn out to be a drug addict, or serial killer HA! Then..DS2 is total opposite. At 15 he is the "model" teenager. So far, so good with DD1 at 14 also...sweet and respectful, smart and talented. Now....DD2...I think will cause me some stress also...But, I know that if I survived DS1....I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!

[Mama Shifra]

A distant relative, who also has teenagers, gave me great advice (not that I can follow it all the time, but still it's great to keep in mind). She said that teenager go on a roller coaster, up and down, quickly, and while you are on the down turn with them, they are already on the up-swing. The best thing is not to go on the roller coaster with them! Keep your cool, and don't get emotionally involved, because otherwise you will be depressed even after they are on to something else. So try to just let it be their problem.

Good luck!
Shifra

[redveg]

It can be tough living with and raising teens. I have 15yo triplets, and some days I am not sure I am up to dealing with them. Mine get mouthy, stomp around, slam doors, you name it. I try not to get sucked in when they are looking pick fights. I try to go back and discuss the issue with them after they have calmed down, or I have. Every day it's something new. The emotions around here get pretty thick. I try to remember they are trying to find their place, and home is where they do that. It is true that if you get sucked in, it can turn a 2 minute rant in to a all day battle.

[annettemarie]

I'm going to move you over to the teens forum

[panamama]

Originally Posted by simplegirl

How do you mamas of teenagers keep your sanity? Please share!

oh mama, to you! my DS is the same age as your DD and, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! i think shifra's advice about NOT getting on the roller coaster with them is important to remember. i also try to remember that it really is true what the 'experts' and so many [brain/hormone development and other] studies say about teens being very, very similar to toddlers in that they are experiencing rapid development but are still w/o a lot of the necessary coping and/or decision-making skills (and understanding of consequences) they'll need. they supposedly won't get all that until their early 20's. so, when your teen is making you nuts, remember that, like the "terrible 2's", it's just a phase. it'll last longer than you think you can bear, and will test you much more than the toddler years, but much like those years even when they've got the full blown i-can-do-it-myself or i-don't-need-you attitude going, they DO.

hang in there mama.

oh, and p.s., my sanity? it comes and goes. i talk to DS, probably more than he'd like, about almost everything and make sure to explain my actions/reactions and apologize when necessary. he says i "over-explain everything," but i keep on b/c even though i'm sure he doesn't yet realize it, my leading with that example often shows up in his behaviour when he's ready to talk or apologize for/about his stuff.

[Cherie2]

my ds is 16, we just completed a 4 day weekend ... with 3 16 yo capricorn boys who seemed to think it was a good idea to stay at my house and fignt with eachother nonstop.... sigh

(I will be back to post more later)

[Storm Bride]

As teens go, ds1 is pretty easy to deal with (esp. compared to me, his bio-dad, or any of his biological aunts/uncles!), but he does drive me crazy sometimes.

I try to keep something in mind. I heard it from my mom when I was in my early 20s. She said that if your teen is really difficult, you need to first remember that it's normal to go wonky in adolescence. Then, you need to remember that priority one is getting them out of it alive. She always said that she really, really wanted to avoid any drug addictions or teen pregnancies (not because she thinks teens are bad moms - she had my brother at just barely 19 - but because that's a long-term commitment, and she wanted us to have a little more time to think about it before making it)...but that keeping us alive was priority number one, as anything else could be fixed.

I know it seems a little...fatalistic, but I find it does help. It keeps all the ups-and-downs in perspective, yk?

Good luck.

[BedHead]

I guess I'm pretty laid back, because mine don't really freak me out that much. They irritate me, they make me shake my head, they make me roll my eyes, and once in a while they make me raise my voice, but all in all things are pretty smooth at our house. We've had our share of incidents over the years with the cops, drugs, sex, that type of thing, but we always manage to muddle through. The worst thing any of my three are doing right now is smoking - my oldest just stared a couple of months ago. : But my second oldest also quit last Sept My daughter is the light of my life right now, and she turns 15 next week. She is an absolute joy.

[mcmamacoco]

I hear ya

I

[dhammamama]

One more vote for the excellent roller coaster metaphor! Hang in there--it's just hard, that's all. At least with my small sampling of one (18yodd).But I also heard Jane Seymour (mother of six) concur this week, saying parents should have teenagers *first* before they decide on having more babies, lol!

"Hold On To Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld has been a valuable resource for me, fwiw.

Being the parent of a teen has made me rethink spirituality and praying too. Figure it sure can't hurt.: <pagan praying>

[simplegirl]

Wow! Thanks for the replies. I just got another shocker out of my 15 yo DD, she tried pot for the first time Friday night. I expected it might happen, many kids experiment with drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. I remained calm and quiet, asked her many questions and just like the sex talk, told her I couldn't control what she chose to do but that I wanted her to be careful and think through her choices before she did anything. Also, make sure the choices she did make were for her and not to look cool, be included, etc. *sigh*

The roller coaster analogy is great Mama Shifra. I definitely try not to get emotionally involved and lots of times I am successful but not always.

redveg: Triplets? And here I am whining. My hat is off to you mama. Wow. I do notice that if I don't offer any energy into the drama it ends more quickly. I'll have to watch it more closely.

Storm Bride: That's a good perspective, just making sure they come out of it alive, the rest of it would be easy to fix. Don't sweat the small stuff right?

mcmamacoco: My DD is on the pill too, ovarian cysts when she was just turning 15. Horrible to go through, the drama around her was crazy! I think the pill did help with her moods, her cramps, etc and I am so thankful she was on the pill when she chose to become sexually active.

I have another DD, she is 11 going on 16, but she is really laid back, thoughtful, sweet. Puberty hit her early so she is struggling with being teased at school but we seem to be working though that pretty well. We shall see though!

[mcmamacoco]

Wow

Originally Posted by simplegirl

Wow! Thanks for the replies. I just got another shocker out of my 15 yo DD, she tried pot for the first time Friday night. I expected it might happen, many kids experiment with drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. I remained calm and quiet, asked her many questions and just like the sex talk, told her I couldn't control what she chose to do but that I wanted her to be careful and think through her choices before she did anything. Also, make sure the choices she did make were for her and not to look cool, be included, etc. *sigh*

The roller coaster analogy is great Mama Shifra. I definitely try not to get emotionally involved and lots of times I am successful but not always.

redveg: Triplets? And here I am whining. My hat is off to you mama. Wow. I do notice that if I don't offer any energy into the drama it ends more quickly. I'll have to watch it more closely.

Storm Bride: That's a good perspective, just making sure they come out of it alive, the rest of it would be easy to fix. Don't sweat the small stuff right?

mcmamacoco: My DD is on the pill too, ovarian cysts when she was just turning 15. Horrible to go through, the drama around her was crazy! I think the pill did help with her moods, her cramps, etc and I am so thankful she was on the pill when she chose to become sexually active.

I have another DD, she is 11 going on 16, but she is really laid back, thoughtful, sweet. Puberty hit her early so she is struggling with being teased at school but we seem to be working though that pretty well. We shall see though!

I thin it is better to be involved and find this stuff out. Sometimes you are just holding on to their shoe strings on their ride to adulthood. It's tough. My son is so different. He likes me wants to be near me. I have to make him see his friends mwahahaha. My daughter spends all her time away from me