TBH, we are multi-generational living and it's not working *at all*.
My mother moved in with us permanently a few years ago (financial reasons). She has been a poor money manager all her life and it finally put her in a position of being destitute at an old age and somebody had to take her in. I have 2 sisters that have not lifted a finger to help at all.
ETA: I wasn't going to go into this, but I will explain some of the reasons why it doesn't work (but we have to deal with it) for others thinking of doing this. These are all issues that should have been discussed BEFOREHAND. She lives in our house and we did not set up some ground rules when we should have.
- My mother lives here and is physically capable, but does not lift a finger to do anything and grumbles when I ask her to do something. For example, I've asked her to take over doing the dishes (we have a dishwasher). She'll leave the dishes in the sink all day (and yes, I'm a neat freak) until I do them myself. Then when I'm doing them, she will come in and passive-aggressively say, "I was just coming in to do those. You think I can't do anything right." Uhhhh... I don't read minds, and I have to start on making dinner (which she never does... NEVER... because she literally can.not.cook.). She will have been in her rooms watching TV for 6 hours and then when she hears me in the kitchen doing them... then she comes in.
- She was a rotten mother, yelling, spanking, punishing us in such ways as making us stand in the corner on our tiptoes touching our nose to a spot above our heads. We are GD. She starts to raise her voice to dd and it brings back some horrible memories. We tried to talk about these things and I've told her to never even raise her voice to dd, but she is who she is. This is *my* issue. But I thought she had mellowed out and she hasn't.
- We built an addition for her. It's heated separately. I keep my house during the winter at about 65*F - 68*F to save money (and it's more comfortable). She keeps her rooms at about 80* during the winter and when our electricity bill skyrockets and we ask her to turn it down a little and put on more layers she bitches until we just give in and say "whatever". Our electricity usage has TRIPLED since she moved in (she also watches TV all day and when we talked about getting rid of cable, she threw a fit, but didn't offer to pay for it).
- I have no privacy. None. She doesn't either. Dd is out in her rooms often. Usually mom is OK with this, but she's not a people person. I sometimes just wish to have the house to myself. Not to "do" anything... just to be ALONE. I am NEVER alone unless I'm home and mom is picking up dd from school. Two blissful hours by myself. Sometime I just sit and read a book or get on here when I have some alone time.
- We eat out once a week and she never pays for her own food. She never offers to pay for any of the groceries. She gets social security, but she blows it all on junk. Literally, just wal-mart junk and junk food. But never to offer to help out. (Yeah, you can tell I'm bitter about this.) If we ever say we want to go out to do something, just the 3 of us, she pouts like a child.
- She has no friends and goes nowhere because she is an old, bitter, and surly woman. People don't like to be around her because she's so negative.
- She knows no boundaries. This I had to REALLY put my foot down about. She would open our mail, walk into rooms with closed doors, pry into our business, ask about things that we didn't want to discuss, offer marriage advice, etc. I *did* put this to a stop.
- We bought her a car and pay for everything with it... tags, upkeep, insurance, etc. She found the car she wanted (a Mercedes) and wouldn't budge about it. Found a reason to dislike every other car we looked at for her. This is just *her personality*. She's like a spoiled brat. I hate my dd seeing this. She is just a bad influence and I can't do anything about it.
Meh... we'll deal with it. We have no choice. Dh is no help because he doesn't want to "get in the middle". Needless to say, though, I regret letting her move in here. The alternative, though, would have been her being homeless and that's not acceptable. I just wish we would have established some VERY, VERY strong rules before she moved in... in WRITING.
Since then we've gotten chickens, goats, & ducks (and the chickens just got given away two days ago, as we like the ducks better
I want him to play, and use his immagination, ride bikes, get dirty, read books... like I did when I was a kid. I've seen others friends kids that get obsessed with movies and TV, and it makes me sad.
